DD left wedding early cos of work - should family of kept out of it

[Safarigiraffe]

Hi went to family wedding last night & stayed overnight in hotel. DD couldn’t stay overnight as she was working today however she did come to wedding but here’s the AIBU or not - wedding was running later than expected & DD had to leave by a certain time to be back home as she was up 630 today for work. When DD went to leave everyone on our immediate table (MIL, BIL mainly) made a huge scene about why DD was leaving early as food hadn’t yet arrived (Starters she had but as main food was running a hour late she couldn’t wait for that) & as my husband went to walk DD to car park MIL ran after them both expressing herself over why DD was leaving early (she knew she had to leave early for work)
So AIBU to think that maybe no one should have got involved causing a scene or was DD being unreasonable for having to leave without eating main food when it was already running a hour late and she had to leave to get back home (journey home was hour and a half so she didn’t get in until 8/815)

Or why she needed dad to walk her to the car.... or why mil knew.... therefore is obviously back story.

@UnshakenNeedsStirring if I’m tired or stayed too late at an event it’s potentially catastrophic and has potentially significant adverse outcomes. It’s potentially a serious event with significant life or death risks. I lead a team and I’m the senior so No I can’t just stretch the night before to accommodate a wedding meal and eat some wedding food

Maybe she went home to look after the puppy.

Her early departure isn’t the issue,as B&G were ok with it
Issue is the disproportionate response from the in-laws

I have no idea what time her DS goes to bed, doubt it’s any of my business either.

Why different story? She had to leave and the B&G were ok with that

You might eat every scrap of food you're served and (having been brought up not to leave anything on my plate) so do I, but many people don't.

Some are too pissed, some don't like the food served, some just aren't bothered - I remember when I waitressed at weddings lots if puddings went untouched especially. The 'wasting other people's money' argument is cobblers.

Rude for sticking to her pre-agreed plan which B&G we’re fine with. I don’t think so
Manners isn’t defined by making yourself late and disrupting your plans because the catering went awry
Rude would be the expectation that one is inconvenienced to accommodate someone else churlish request

I’m sure the bride and groom were more than happy to know the meal they paid for was going in the bin because she couldn’t be arsed to wait

as for in laws it was a shitty thing to do and they had the balls to call it out

I was expecting you to say she would get home after midnight but to leave, miss the main meal and be home for just after 8 is totally rude and unacceptable. Planning a wedding myself I know how much the dinner is per head and it’s a lot. She should have booked annual leave or declined attending. I bet the bride was pissed off but didn’t show it. How rude

My cousin was a no show at my wedding because he has social anxiety and decided on the morning that he couldn't face it. My aunt and uncle didn't even let me know directly, they told my dad who told me he wouldn't be coming.

I was pissed off and my husband was pissed off, and if we had known a few days earlier we could have amended the final numbers with the venue and not had to pay for his meal. But we never told my aunt and uncle, who had travelled a long way to attend our wedding and brought a lovely gift, that we were pissed off. It would have spoiled the atmosphere and served no purpose.

How could you have been told in advance if it was an on-the-decision? My cousin’s wife couldn’t make it to my wedding because their two kids came down with chicken pox overnight and so I was down three people on the day - no big deal, couldn’t be avoided. My cousin told my dad (who told me) because he thought I would be busy drinking champagne getting my hair and make up done. Once I knew I asked the caterers to box up the food for the three who couldn’t make it and my cousin took the food back with him - those who missed out were really grateful for the gesture.

The preciousness and control freakery over weddings never ceases to amaze me, it’s a wedding. A job is more important than a wedding. People need to get a grip. I’m staggered by how many people here seem to think weddings trump every other consideration.

On-the-day decision - sorry my nails are too long at the moment.

We don’t know they were ok with it just that she told them and said goodbye. There is nothing in the op comments to suggest it had been pre agreed.

Because he does this all the time. This is what he is like generally. I was very surprised when they said he was coming in the first place, and not surprised when he ended up not coming. I think they should have been more realistic.

Chicken pox isn't comparable, it's a virus and obviously you don't want to infect people at a wedding.

it doesn’t sound like it was pre-agreed with the bride and groom and we don’t know they were alright with it.

Also it was an abroad wedding which took them the best part of a day to get to, and they stayed a few days afterwards, so although boxing up the meal is a nice idea, it wouldn't have been possible in this situation!

You have got to be a sockpuppet.