Page 30 | DD left wedding early cos of work - should family of kept out of it

Safarigiraffe · 2023-05-29T22:07:20+00:00

Hi went to family wedding last night & stayed overnight in hotel. DD couldn’t stay overnight as she was working today however she did come to wedding but here’s the AIBU or not - wedding was running later than expected & DD had to leave by a certain time to be back home as she was up 630 today for work. When DD went to leave everyone on our immediate table (MIL, BIL mainly) made a huge scene about why DD was leaving early as food hadn’t yet arrived (Starters she had but as main food was running a hour late she couldn’t wait for that) & as my husband went to walk DD to car park MIL ran after them both expressing herself over why DD was leaving early (she knew she had to leave early for work) So AIBU to think that maybe no one should have got involved causing a scene or was DD being unreasonable for having to leave without eating main food when it was already running a hour late and she had to leave to get back home (journey home was hour and a half so she didn’t get in until 8/815)

rwalker · 30/05/2023 15:35

I wonder if OP Dd would go to a restaurant pay £50 plus for food and if there was a delay and at work the next day so just leave with nothing after paying

doubt it

Fizbosshoes · 30/05/2023 15:35

Your DD made a discreet and polite exit via the bride & groom who were gracious about it as they should be.

Except its not really that discreet if you get up in the middle of a formal meal and almost everyone on your table follows suit. For reasons known to themselves she needed an escort to a hotel carpark in broad daylight meaning at least 3 people got up ....and then MIL etc followed!

And the food was served presumably at around 6ish if they had already had a starter. This really isn't an outrageously late time to serve food by any stretch of the imagination.

ItsCalledAConversation · 30/05/2023 15:37

I don’t understand why you’d need to be home by 8 to get up at 6.30. For a family wedding you’re expected to be able to put yourself out slightly. I would have stayed til 11 for a 6.30, and in MIL’s situation I get why she didn’t understand. Super rude of your DD to leave halfway through the meal!

Bookworm20 · 30/05/2023 15:45

Did OP return to the thread in the form of BenjiBungee?

LuckySantangelo35 · 30/05/2023 15:55

BenjiBungee · 30/05/2023 15:20

In my opinion, it's your MIL who is rude and from your description was being 'unhinged'. Is she often like this or does she get like this around the topic of weddings only? It was very disrespectful of her towards the bride & groom causing a scene. She wasn't mother of the bride even, just another guest, so not sure how it was any of her business at all.

The food was an hour late, not a few minutes. Some weddings run this late, some don't. DD would have had time to eat her main and perhaps even her pudding even if it had run a bit nearer to time. Not DD's fault unless she herself held up the wedding schedule?! If it was the venue's fault the, the bride & groom can negotiate a discount for the late and hence uneaten 2/3 of a meal. If it was the wedding party's fault, then they will just suck it up. Your DD made a discreet and polite exit via the bride & groom who were gracious about it as they should be.

I've been to some very posh weddings where the odd uneaten course - for whatever reason - has been served and discretely divided up among those who would like seconds to avoid waste. This could have been done with no fuss at all, people should have some common sense.

With regard to what time the DD wants to be home for a shift. I haven't RTFT but those arguing she should go home later and rock up potentially tired, unprepared, not fit to work, maybe not even safe to work (or to drive to work) is setting a very bad example for young people and is very disrespectful of the DD as a person and of her job.

@BenjiBungee

lol

op’s daughter was rude. That really all there is to it

LuckySantangelo35 · 30/05/2023 15:59

@BenjiBungee

and so were her parents for getting up halfway through the meal and leaving their seats to walk her to her car

Babyboomtastic · 30/05/2023 16:04

The rudest person here was your daughter. MIL wasn't great, but leaving half way through the meal unless it's an emergency it's really bad IMO.

3girls1boy1puppy · 30/05/2023 16:06

I’d be quite annoyed personally if I’d paid a lot of money for her three course meal and then she only ate the starter and left. At my wedding we paid £50 per head for the food and wine package. It was limited numbers in the venue so we couldn’t invite all friends to the daytime wedding/meal. Many just came to the evening. Two people no-showed to our wedding and it meant we paid £100 for 2 empty seats at the meal! I was really upset.

mydogisthebest · 30/05/2023 16:07

BenjiBungee · 30/05/2023 15:20

In my opinion, it's your MIL who is rude and from your description was being 'unhinged'. Is she often like this or does she get like this around the topic of weddings only? It was very disrespectful of her towards the bride & groom causing a scene. She wasn't mother of the bride even, just another guest, so not sure how it was any of her business at all.

The food was an hour late, not a few minutes. Some weddings run this late, some don't. DD would have had time to eat her main and perhaps even her pudding even if it had run a bit nearer to time. Not DD's fault unless she herself held up the wedding schedule?! If it was the venue's fault the, the bride & groom can negotiate a discount for the late and hence uneaten 2/3 of a meal. If it was the wedding party's fault, then they will just suck it up. Your DD made a discreet and polite exit via the bride & groom who were gracious about it as they should be.

I've been to some very posh weddings where the odd uneaten course - for whatever reason - has been served and discretely divided up among those who would like seconds to avoid waste. This could have been done with no fuss at all, people should have some common sense.

With regard to what time the DD wants to be home for a shift. I haven't RTFT but those arguing she should go home later and rock up potentially tired, unprepared, not fit to work, maybe not even safe to work (or to drive to work) is setting a very bad example for young people and is very disrespectful of the DD as a person and of her job.

Might be a good idea if you had read the whole thread.

If you had you would know the girl was home at 8.30pm and didn't have to get up until 6.30am.

Why on earth then would she be likely to "rock up potentially tired, unprepared, not fit to work or even save to drive to work"?

She is already setting a very bad example for young people in her rudeness and entitlement.

She was disrespectful to the bride and groom.

Jourdain11 · 30/05/2023 16:16

She just wasn't really keen on being there and wanted to slope off as soon as she could!

UnshakenNeedsStirring · 30/05/2023 16:17

Id love to know if OPs daughter always goes to bed by 8/9 pm like an older person. I am old i my late 40s, even I dont go to bed early. However, may be she is a early riser? Even so, couldn't she have made an exception for one day? Very Rude of her. I guess your MIL was aghast at her rudeness

Rachie1973 · 30/05/2023 16:18

Your DD has form for being demanding. I expect she wanted to get back to her BF.

She was rude and I think from your previous postings you have enabled her a lot. Your DH gets miffed and you get caught between them whilst taking her side but claiming to be on the fence.

GrinAndVomit · 30/05/2023 16:19

Yeah as a bride, I’d have been way more annoyed with the MIL causing a scene and an atmosphere at my wedding reception than the daughter leaving early. I’d just offer her meal to the DJ as it was running late, or to another guest who might appreciate an extra portion.
The tension caused at a whole table is much less fixable.

UnshakenNeedsStirring · 30/05/2023 16:19

rwalker · 30/05/2023 15:35

I wonder if OP Dd would go to a restaurant pay £50 plus for food and if there was a delay and at work the next day so just leave with nothing after paying

doubt it

I am wondering this too!

Sugarfree23 · 30/05/2023 16:25

@BenjiBungee
Given she was home for 8pm, most of us don't actually believe she needed to be in bed that early to sleep.
It is strongly suspect she wanted bed for other reasons like a shag while her parents were engaged elsewhere.

Sugarfree23 · 30/05/2023 16:27

GrinAndVomit · 30/05/2023 16:19

Yeah as a bride, I’d have been way more annoyed with the MIL causing a scene and an atmosphere at my wedding reception than the daughter leaving early. I’d just offer her meal to the DJ as it was running late, or to another guest who might appreciate an extra portion.
The tension caused at a whole table is much less fixable.

The DJ or band was probably no where insight she left at 6.30. Dancing was was probably not due to start until 8ish

GwinCoch · 30/05/2023 16:29

UnshakenNeedsStirring · 30/05/2023 16:19

I am wondering this too!

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Apples and oranges though isn’t it? I was out for dinner last week and it turned out there was a bit of a disaster in the kitchen and food was delayed by 1-1.5 hours. I stayed because I was happy to sit there and drink wine was not in a rush but quite a few tables asked for a refund and left because they couldn’t wait. I have no idea why any of them needed to leave - none of my business - but you can certainly understand that if people expect they’re going to eat in a reasonable timeframe that they would leave if this couldn’t be honoured.

UnshakenNeedsStirring · 30/05/2023 16:31

GwinCoch · 30/05/2023 16:29

Apples and oranges though isn’t it? I was out for dinner last week and it turned out there was a bit of a disaster in the kitchen and food was delayed by 1-1.5 hours. I stayed because I was happy to sit there and drink wine was not in a rush but quite a few tables asked for a refund and left because they couldn’t wait. I have no idea why any of them needed to leave - none of my business - but you can certainly understand that if people expect they’re going to eat in a reasonable timeframe that they would leave if this couldn’t be honoured.

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I have never attended a wedding that has run on time. She couldve waited till main course was served.

Sugarfree23 · 30/05/2023 16:32

Out for dinner is total different to a wedding.
People potentially had theatre shows to go to, babysitters to get back for, parties to attend.

The earliest I'd have expected her to leave would have been 8.30 and she'd still have been home for 10.00

MargotBamborough · 30/05/2023 16:35

GwinCoch · 30/05/2023 16:29

Apples and oranges though isn’t it? I was out for dinner last week and it turned out there was a bit of a disaster in the kitchen and food was delayed by 1-1.5 hours. I stayed because I was happy to sit there and drink wine was not in a rush but quite a few tables asked for a refund and left because they couldn’t wait. I have no idea why any of them needed to leave - none of my business - but you can certainly understand that if people expect they’re going to eat in a reasonable timeframe that they would leave if this couldn’t be honoured.

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Do you think the bride and groom got a refund on this 20 something woman's meal because she needed to be in bed by 8pm?

Equalitea · 30/05/2023 16:38

Strange to leave so early for the time she needed to be awake. It’s not much of a travel time. Seems a bit OTT.
She should have stayed or booked AL but MIL sounds unhinged.

GwinCoch · 30/05/2023 16:43

UnshakenNeedsStirring · 30/05/2023 16:31

I have never attended a wedding that has run on time. She couldve waited till main course was served.

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My point is that comparing a wedding to a meal out is irrelevant - hence my apples and oranges comment - they are not the same situation.

GrinAndVomit · 30/05/2023 16:44

Sugarfree23 · 30/05/2023 16:27

The DJ or band was probably no where insight she left at 6.30. Dancing was was probably not due to start until 8ish

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Sorry, there seems to have been a glitch where you couldn’t see the end of my sentence. I’ll post it agin for you:
“I’d just offer her meal to the DJ as it was running late, or to another guest who might appreciate an extra portion.”

GwinCoch · 30/05/2023 16:44

MargotBamborough · 30/05/2023 16:35

Do you think the bride and groom got a refund on this 20 something woman's meal because she needed to be in bed by 8pm?

Show quote history

My point was you can’t compare the two scenarios - apples and oranges.

drpet49 · 30/05/2023 16:47

Rachie1973 · 30/05/2023 16:18

Your DD has form for being demanding. I expect she wanted to get back to her BF.

She was rude and I think from your previous postings you have enabled her a lot. Your DH gets miffed and you get caught between them whilst taking her side but claiming to be on the fence.

This