DD left wedding early cos of work - should family of kept out of it

[Safarigiraffe]

Hi went to family wedding last night & stayed overnight in hotel. DD couldn’t stay overnight as she was working today however she did come to wedding but here’s the AIBU or not - wedding was running later than expected & DD had to leave by a certain time to be back home as she was up 630 today for work. When DD went to leave everyone on our immediate table (MIL, BIL mainly) made a huge scene about why DD was leaving early as food hadn’t yet arrived (Starters she had but as main food was running a hour late she couldn’t wait for that) & as my husband went to walk DD to car park MIL ran after them both expressing herself over why DD was leaving early (she knew she had to leave early for work)
So AIBU to think that maybe no one should have got involved causing a scene or was DD being unreasonable for having to leave without eating main food when it was already running a hour late and she had to leave to get back home (journey home was hour and a half so she didn’t get in until 8/815)

She didn’t leave early for work. Leaving at a time to get home for 11 or so would be leaving for work the next day. Leaving at a time to get home at 8 is leaving for another reason.

Don’t know when it started but she hadn’t been there all day if they hadn’t had most of the meal yet.

making a scene on the day is not acceptable from the family but someone pointing out that she is rude and self centered probably needs doing.

Then she shouldn’t have accepted the invite.

This is the kind of behaviour that gives in-laws a bad name. I agree with Aquamarine1029.

She made it clear she had to leave at that time and stuck to it. It's not rude, they were rude to run so late if anything. Why would you care if your brother's aunty fanny's monkey's uncle left early? I just don't get it. Having a clear head for work the next day is more important than staying another hour or so.

I think that the in laws were out of order to make a scene about it. None of their business.
But I do think your daughter was a bit rude to accept the invite and then leave without eating the food (which was paid for and would go to waste) and all to be home by 8 pm. That's bizarre really. It wouldn't have killed her to get home at 10 for a 6.30 am start. If she needed to "get ready for work" - ie. had stuff she needed to prepare she should have been better organized and had that ready before she went to the wedding.
I have a job which often involves work going on until late at night and then having to get up early for other work the next day. A bit of planning and ahead means I can come home, change into pyjamas, go to bed and then get up the next morning knowing everything is ready for the next day.

Maybe she shouldn't have accepted the invitation at all if she wasn't able to fit it around work properly.

My pet hate is weddings that go on until the early hours. By 11pm most people have had enough. Particularly since some people have them on a Tuesday or Thursday these days. We're going to a midweek one this year and I was very pleased to see "Carriages at 10.30pm" on the invitation.

She couldn't have been their more than an afternoon - she foxtrot oscared at 6.30 the wedding probably didn't start until 1.00 or 2.00

8.15

She left to be home by 8. Don’t know how long the journey was but that is considerably before 10:30. Leaving at 10:30 (or a couple of hours earlier) isn’t rude.

Honestly I think that's incredibly rude!

@Catspyjamas17 She arrived home at 8.15 following an hour and a half drive home. She left somewhere in the region of 6.30-6.45.

They are probably pissed off because they didn't want to invite the brother's aunty fanny's monkey's uncle in the first place.

Even at the the brother's aunty fanny's monkey's uncle should have had the balls to say sorry I've some else on - like a shag in an empty - while the maw & da are oot

She got home at 8 and had a journey of 1.5 hours so left around 6:30.

DD reasonable in my opinion and responsible attitude towards her work. Others not so, apart from bride and groom.

I don’t think it’s been stated that she made it clear to the bride and groom that she needed to leave by 6:30. Running an hour late in wedding meal is not overly unusual.

If she didn't want to be there she shouldn't have accepted the invite and made the bride and groom get her a meal. Did you miss the part where she left mid meal?

Thats very rude, unless some sort of emergency. She had an hour and a half drive, so not like she had an epic journey home to make. She was home by 8pm. So she left at 6.30pm!

No problem if she really didn;'t want to be there, but you don't accept an invite to a wedding dinner and then piss off before the first course.

Dd has worked longer than 14 hour days for the past 3 weeks with no days off.

I would seriously question the fitness of anyone who thinks 14 hours is an excessive amount of time to be awake during the day. Remember if you need excessive amounts of sleep then it is something to see the dr about

Too much sleep can be worse than too little
I would say most people are awake 16 or 17 hours per day normally.

As for needing 2 hours to get clothes ready for work I think anyone who needs that amount of time has too many clothes.

Work is a uniform of sorts and there shouldn’t be that much choice involved.

Short of being a TV Extra, few jobs require you to come in widely different outfits each day

I think the Dd was either lying and had arranged to meet up with friends /bf or short of a doctor finding anything wrong then she needs to do a lot of growing up and realise that the world doesn’t revolve around her and sometimes you have to suck things up and be a bit tired in order to be their for other people.

6.30am is a normal time to wake up for work or school.

The Dd will miss out on loads of stuff by not being able to stay awake.

I am trying to work out if she goes to work and comes home at 5pm. An hours commute takes her to 6pm then by the time she has come in, got changed, had a shower, made a meal and eaten it there would be no time in the evening to do anything else as she would have to go to bed. It doesn’t make sense

They must have been having a really rubbish time if they were bored enough to notice one person leave and be so affected by it.
They sound awful.

Really she had to get back for 8.15?

Your inlaws were rude to make a fuss

The OP successfully framed it to put MIL in the firing line. If she’d said “DD left half way through a wedding dinner and her grandma was a bit upset and tried to get her to ay least finish her meal” I doubt there’d be so many vitriolic anti-MIL posts.

Seems clear to me the in-laws have better manners than OP and her offspring.

If everyone is sat at a meal and your son and granddaughter walk out the room you'd notice.
And if she'd walked up to say bye to the B&G first you'd be even more likely to notice and ask what was wrong.

If she'd waited to the dancing started then disappeared nobody would have noticed.

You might notice them leave. It’s deranged to chance after them

Was about to say YANBU until I read she got home at 8pm. Even having to get up for work YABU - she could have stayed another hour and a half, had supper and got home by 9:30 which would still have allowed her eight hours sleep before getting up for work.

Honestly? I probably would have just sucked it up for the sake of a wedding and accepted that I would be a bit tired the next day.

The bride and groom may have been fine with it or may just have not wanted to make a scene, but you're daughter isn't six years old, it's OK to be up late on a work night once in a while. Leaving at 8pm before dinner has been served seems rather excessive, unless she had a four hour drive to get home or something.

Your MIL shouldn't have got involved though.

It's easy to say "8:00pm is unnecessarily early", but none of us know what roads might be like .

I would rather give myself plenty of time for a journey - it's awful being stressed when you are driving. I appreciate that other people a comfortable with a tight window, but I wouldn't be.