DD left wedding early cos of work - should family of kept out of it

[Safarigiraffe]

Hi went to family wedding last night & stayed overnight in hotel. DD couldn’t stay overnight as she was working today however she did come to wedding but here’s the AIBU or not - wedding was running later than expected & DD had to leave by a certain time to be back home as she was up 630 today for work. When DD went to leave everyone on our immediate table (MIL, BIL mainly) made a huge scene about why DD was leaving early as food hadn’t yet arrived (Starters she had but as main food was running a hour late she couldn’t wait for that) & as my husband went to walk DD to car park MIL ran after them both expressing herself over why DD was leaving early (she knew she had to leave early for work)
So AIBU to think that maybe no one should have got involved causing a scene or was DD being unreasonable for having to leave without eating main food when it was already running a hour late and she had to leave to get back home (journey home was hour and a half so she didn’t get in until 8/815)

Why has ‘healthy boundaries’ become a euphamism for ‘being utterly self centred’

I wonder that myself.

”Why has ‘healthy boundaries’ become a euphamism for ‘being utterly self centred’”
Nail on head.

Haha 😄
I think we have all done stupid stuff in our time. I remember driving home after a night out trying to decide if it was night or morning as I passed a man delivering bread.

I'm surprised people still invite their husbands, cousins, sons family to their wedding anyway!

Yep.

Healthy boundaries is not about being selfish. It's about not giving in to CFs, for instance. It's about considering your own needs and not automatically prioritising the other person. In this circumstance for someone's actual wedding it's absolutely right to prioritise the couple getting married over some chill time at home before a normal work day.

But the OP will have stopped reading by now because she clearly wasn't interested in anyone's opinion who wasn't agreeing with her, and the apple hasn't fallen far from the tree!

It needn't have been a big deal but Mil made
It into one. Running after her is crazy. 😳

It was rude to accept the invitation and then leave so early. Wedding food is expensive. Even if someone had to get up at 6:30, leaving halfway through the meal to be home for 8:30 is unnecessarily early to leave and rude. MIL should have stayed out of it but I can understand her being miffed.

I'm sure they'll have been pressured into it.
Which makes it even more embarrassing for both Granny and the Grannies sister.

You can picture the conversation Granny and her Sis 'Oh it would be lovely to have everyone together' The B&G Granny "oh yes that would be smashing"

And that conversation filtering its way to the B&G "and you need to invite your Dads cousins and their kids" "they might not come but you better invite"

@Iwasafool

i know! 14 hours!! 😩 so what?! she’s young!

Crazy for a grandma to try to persuade her granddaughter it’s a bit rude to leave before she eats dinner that’s already been paid for? I don’t think so.

But the event was running late. That's not the DD's fault.

I just find this attitude weird, to be honest. Personally at my wedding one of my guests could only show up for the meal and had to get away sharpish. I was just happy they could come at all. Labelling it rude serves no purpose at all other than just being a bit of an arse.

MIL didn’t need to behave like that - however she could have got everything ready for work the morning before - there was no need to leave during what was likely to be an expensive meal to get home for 8. It’s rude - I appreciate the meal was running late etc but she should have waited for the dinner to end and slipped out then. It may have also stopped MIL from interfering. Getting home for 10 would have been fine for a 6.30 start.

Yes YABU OP. Unless your dd is 85? which seems rather unlikely and even then I'd be raising eyebrows at them leaving mid meal so they could get to beddy bo's at 8pm. WTAF. She'd already had a starter so the rest of the meal would have been probably an hour tops. So disrespectful and rude. What were you thinking? I can understand the family being vocal about it because it's such strange behaviour. If someone had come up to me in the middle of my wedding breakfast to tell me they were leaving because they had work the next day I'd think they had lost the plot.

I'm sat here smiling though now remembering all the times I used to go to work straight from a night out with zero sleep. Pub lunch for a curer. Worked for a really young company where everyone worked hard played hard. Good times.

“She’d been awake 14 hours”

This is totally normal, what world do you live in?? Most people are up at 6:30 for work, they don't then go to bed at 8:30pm unless there is something seriously wrong with their health.

They shouldn't have caused a scene but your daughter's excuse was poor - did she even want to be there?

There's no reason why she couldn't have left at around 9 and had the meal which she was catered for - she would have still had about 7 - 8 hours sleep!

If you know you're going to be out for the day, common sense says prepare for work the day before or before you go out for the day!

If anyone is wondering how CF’s come to
exist…..this thread is a great illustration. Completely self absorbed and brought up with no manners or consideration for others.

It's not exactly unusual to be awake for 14 hours, especially as a young adult. She was rude. Next time she should just decline if in reality she doesn't want to be there.

OP's daughter attended the wedding, which was the important bit. It's 50:50 whether or not she should have declined the evening invite given the circumstances, but that mostly depends on the unknown family dynamic and the relationship between the daughter and the bride and groom.

OP's MIL was well out of order for turning a discrete exit into a scene and chasing them out into the car park.

Big family politics can go one of two ways:

• major international incidents at the slightest of slights and careful monitoring of the arrangement of iconographs on Nanny Ogg's sideboard to determine who's currently in/out of favour
• relaxed "you'll be there when you can for as long as you can, it'll be lovely to see you regardless"

It sounds like the OP's in-laws are the former. Thankfully my in-laws (also a big extended family, unlike my own) are the latter.

It depends what you class as the wedding, I would say the meal when presumably speeches take place is a big component of the wedding and therefore she didn’t attend the main wedding. It sounds like she left well before the evening element. Running an hour behind is not unusual with a wedding so should be factored in, timings are generally fairly rough after the initial start time.

Whether the bride or groom said anything to her directly, I would bet they are massively rolling their eyes at her behaviour. It’s presented like she had to leave but she didn’t, it was a choice and as many pp have pointed out she could easily have got home an hour later and still had 8 hours sleep before work the next day. Being up since 6:30 is nonsense, I get up earlier than that every day and manage to stay up later as I woman pushing 50. I don’t know why you are enabling her rude behaviour, perhaps that’s why she is so rude?!

I don't think it was rude at all to leave early for work the next day, and the reaction was way over the top. She had been there all day already and had made the effort to attend.

I'd say that was super rude actually. There was no actual need for her to leave when she did and be home by 8.30pm for a 6.30am start. thats very very odd behaviour. If she was starting work at 2am, then fair enough, but 6.30 to get up for work is pretty normal.

MIL shouldn't have 'caused a scene', but I bet she was incredibly embarrassed at your dd leaving mid way through the meal! She knew she had work the next day, so how come she didn't prepare anything she needed before she went to the wedding?

The bride and groom may have appeared ok with it, but I bet they are really pissed off at spending money on a dinner for someone who decided midway they would actually just prefer an early night in. I'd be quite surprised if anyone at the wedding actually wasn't internally rolling their eyes at your daughters departure.

It was running an hour late ffs. An hour! She could have got hom at midnight and still been ok to get up for work at 6.30am. Like the rest of society do on those occasions when it can't be helped.

Bit rude to leave at that time for a 6am wake up! If she was working at 3 or 4am I would understand but 6?!

@Frabbits

it is rude though

So what if she didn't want to be there, the fact was she had been there? It's only her brother's cousin's fucking Aunty Fanny getting married, not her sister or something, no-one would give a shit. It's not a three line whip to stay at a wedding until the bitter end, and it's fucking ridiculous to chase after someone and cause a scene when they tried to leave quietly.