DD left wedding early cos of work - should family of kept out of it

[Safarigiraffe]

Hi went to family wedding last night & stayed overnight in hotel. DD couldn’t stay overnight as she was working today however she did come to wedding but here’s the AIBU or not - wedding was running later than expected & DD had to leave by a certain time to be back home as she was up 630 today for work. When DD went to leave everyone on our immediate table (MIL, BIL mainly) made a huge scene about why DD was leaving early as food hadn’t yet arrived (Starters she had but as main food was running a hour late she couldn’t wait for that) & as my husband went to walk DD to car park MIL ran after them both expressing herself over why DD was leaving early (she knew she had to leave early for work)
So AIBU to think that maybe no one should have got involved causing a scene or was DD being unreasonable for having to leave without eating main food when it was already running a hour late and she had to leave to get back home (journey home was hour and a half so she didn’t get in until 8/815)

You also said she's stayed an hour later than intended - so she really wanted to leave at 5.30 and be home at 7.15 !! WTF.

Rude, Rude Rude.

WTAF she definitely had other plans, pub, boyfriend ?

Yes, the absolute horror!! I've been awake for over 15 hours, have no intention of going to bed for another hour, then I will read for a while - and I will still be up at 6.30 am, fresh as a daisy. And I imagine I am quite a bit older than OP's daughter.

It was quite rude and overly precious. Why could she not have left later? Unless she has medical problems, I’d expect her to be able to cope with a slightly late night.

Making a scene about it though, is ever ok.

Perfectly acceptable to leave early.

Nobody should have made a fuss about it.

Yanbu.

Do you get invites to many events?

I assume not given your absolute lack of social graces

Yeah she's rude. She could have easily stayed till 10, gone home, and still been up at 6.30 relatively fresh. I do 6.30 wake up to 11.30pm bedtime with two kids, two dogs and work in between day in, day out, and I'm older than your daughter!

Maybe she wanted to decline but her scene causing grandmother made a drama of it so she gave in and went to the wedding.

Yep - she was definitely meeting up with her boyfriend.

The needing a good night's sleep is just a downright lie.

Maybe she did want to decline, maybe the couple didn't want to invite her. Maybe the Grandmother was the one who wanted the whole family together to celebrate.

Who knows but it was rude to accept and run. Really rude.

You do realise that not everyone is the same? If she knows she needs to be home because she needs her sleep do you think it would be responsible for her to stay late and cause and accident?

I don't really know what you being older has to do with it but personally I need less sleep now than I did when I was a teenager but again we aren't all the same are we.

Currently I've been up for 4 hours, done two loads of washing, watered front and back garden (hose pipe ban so carrying cans of water) sorted out the recycling as it is bin day, prepared breakfast and had a sit down and look at the internet. Teenage grandchildren, aged between 15 and 18, are still in bed. Shock horror teenagers like their sleep.

@Iwasafool do your teenager grandchildren sleep 12 hrs a night?

I can well imagine MIL thought it looked incredibly rude to be walking out after the starter - almost more so because things were running late. To anyone who was unaware of DDs reason for leaving it looks like “I’m sick of waiting, I’ve had enough, I’m out of here”.

Given DDs reason for leaving so early sounds incredibly flimsy I’m not surprised MIL was trying to convince her to stay longer. If the starter had already been served and eaten then unless the organisation was a total shambles she would probably have been served and eaten her main course within 30-40mins. If she really HAD to be home early that would have been a more social acceptable time to leave (though frankly, still very early if the only explanation was having to be up for an normal work day at 6:30am).

Fairly frequently, yes.

And when I have to leave early, which luckily rarely happens, I simply explain that (if possible in advance), apologise and leave.

I do find it slightly amusing that OP/her daughter seem to consider 14-15 hours a long time to be out and about. But that's clearly not the main issue here...

Presumably if your grandchildren needed to get up, for school? an event? They’d get up. It’s half term, of course in the absence of anything else to do they are asleep.

Well. Amusing or worrying, I hope there aren't undiagnosed health issues.

Since when was an invite a summons to a complete commitment of someone's time? Someone at my wedding wasn't able to attend for more than a couple of hours; I was just happy that they made the effort with the time they had.

This person - for whatever reason - had to be away. What is rude is making that person feel fucking bad for having to do that. It wasn't DD's fault that the meal was running late. If it hadn't been she would have stayed for the meal and left at a time when people start filtering away anyway, as people do once the formal events are over and it just turns into a drinking session.

You genuinely think it’s ok to walk out in the middle of a wedding breakfast? Wouldn’t it be better to say you can come to the ceremony but need to leave pre-reception?

Dd was very rude. MiL also made it worse

If I have to get up for work at 6am (which I sometimes do), I'd have wanted to be in bed by midnight. I understand she'd need to get her things ready, have a bath shower and some wind down time, but in those circumstances I'd have been looking to return on later than 11pm, meaning I'd have left around 9.30pm - hopefully have had time to eat the food paid for and say goodbye to the happy couple.

Very rude, her meal would have been paid for and she didn’t need to be home for 8pm that was simply a preference that she put over and above an important life event. Even if she didn’t get home until 11pm she would have got enough sleep to be up for work at 6.30am. I’d have been annoyed and offended. I’d assumed you were going to say that she had a four hour drive home when I started reading your thread.

She could have stayed until the main course was done. She was being precious.

MIL was being unreasonable too.

She was rude. She did not need to leave at 6.30pm and be home by 8. She should have left at about 8.30 / 9 to be home for 10 / 10.30 and have finished the meal and you should have told her so

The meal was paid for whether she stayed to eat it or not.

Why do people think they get to dictate how other people use their time? If the woman wanted to be away by a certain time for whatever reason, then it's not rude to do so especially as the reason she missed the meal was because the wedding was running late.

What is rude is getting "annoyed and offended" over it.