Page 18 | DD left wedding early cos of work - should family of kept out of it

Safarigiraffe · 2023-05-29T22:07:20+00:00

Hi went to family wedding last night & stayed overnight in hotel. DD couldn’t stay overnight as she was working today however she did come to wedding but here’s the AIBU or not - wedding was running later than expected & DD had to leave by a certain time to be back home as she was up 630 today for work. When DD went to leave everyone on our immediate table (MIL, BIL mainly) made a huge scene about why DD was leaving early as food hadn’t yet arrived (Starters she had but as main food was running a hour late she couldn’t wait for that) & as my husband went to walk DD to car park MIL ran after them both expressing herself over why DD was leaving early (she knew she had to leave early for work) So AIBU to think that maybe no one should have got involved causing a scene or was DD being unreasonable for having to leave without eating main food when it was already running a hour late and she had to leave to get back home (journey home was hour and a half so she didn’t get in until 8/815)

CurlewKate · 30/05/2023 09:03

Absent more information, both rude. Also, DP leaving the table to walk an adult to her car is rude as well.

shakeitoffsis · 30/05/2023 09:03

So rude to leave a wedding midway through a meal, bizarre behaviour.

Sugarfree23 · 30/05/2023 09:04

readbooksdrinktea · 30/05/2023 08:51

Maybe she didn't and had felt pressured to go. I agree though that if you do go to a wedding, you should stay for the meal.

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Yes she was probably pressured into it. The B&G were probably also pressured into inviting her too.

Nobody invites 2nd cousins to a wedding.

LuckySantangelo35 · 30/05/2023 09:05

chaosmaker · 29/05/2023 23:37

It's only a wedding, you can leave when you like. Non issue blown out of proportion.

@chaosmaker

do you get invited to many weddings?

wingingit1987 · 30/05/2023 09:05

MayBeeJuneSoon · 29/05/2023 23:11

Why didn't she book annual leave?

And why home so early?

Not everyone can get annual leave automatically approved. Staffing levels can dictate availability. My work wouldn’t have approved AL for a bank holiday weekend as I work in unscheduled care and bank holidays/festive period etc have an annual leave freeze. OP’s daughter potentially have a long drive/commute to work and starts early so wanting home for 8pm isn’t unreasonable.

LudicrouslyCapaciousBag · 30/05/2023 09:06

SocksAndTheCity · 30/05/2023 08:58

Has nobody here ever seen the amount of leftover food at the average wedding? Or is it the norm for employees to stand over guests until they have finished everything on their plate like we used to have at primary school - I haven't been to one in years?

I'm assuming that by all the confident comments about how DD definitely had no need of being home at X time, the nature of her job has been revealed too, or there would be no way of knowing what this evening preparation entailed and posters would be at risk of talking out of their arses.

A young adult in a complex profession requiring very significant evening preparation might be reasonably expected to foresee this issue and let the bride and groom know in advance, no?

I think numerous pp have identified Occam’s razor. I hope she had a nice evening in the pub with her friends.

RudsyFarmer · 30/05/2023 09:06

LuckySantangelo35 · 30/05/2023 08:41

@RudsyFarmer

lol as if a woman this age is going home so early to “prioritise work”. It’s totally unnecessary to be home by 8pm cos you have work next day. It’s not even that early a start she had! She was probably going to meet some mates or a date or whatever

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Well I don’t know. When I was young I definitely didn’t want to do a full days work on a few hours sleep. If I were at a wedding that sounded shambolic, I too would have sloped off early. Good for her. Hope she got a pizza on the way home, watched something on TV and got some kip.

SocksAndTheCity · 30/05/2023 09:07

Sandylanes69 · 30/05/2023 09:01

You'd be ok with a guest walking out after their starter? Don't be ridiculous.

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If the guest had to leave at X time, then it can't be helped, especially if the food was late. As per my post upthread when I had to leave a wedding during the speeches when the food was two hours late, and had it been during the food itself I would have still had to leave.

I waitressed many weddings and events when I was a youngster and the amount of food that came back virtually untouched when tables were cleared was an eye opener, or at least it would seemingly be to many on this thread.

Sewingdufus · 30/05/2023 09:07

I was all for YANBU until you mentioned 8pm!

I think SWBU to leave so early given it was a special event. MIL was also BU to make a fuss.

Mala1992 · 30/05/2023 09:09

When I read the title I assumed DD had to leave wedding early to go directly to work and family were BU.

Later in the thread I thought it must be a reverse by MIL or someone else at the wedding but seems not.

Moonshine160 · 30/05/2023 09:09

I don’t think anyone should have created a scene, but she should have stayed for the full meal really. Eating a starter then disappearing does seem a bit rude! 8pm really isn’t that late to be getting home for a 6:30am start at all.

sandyhappypeople · 30/05/2023 09:10

Either way she was planning on eating and running, so yes I’d say she was rude.. she should have accepted an invite to the ceremony only if her timings were so critical to her.

LuckySantangelo35 · 30/05/2023 09:10

RudsyFarmer · 30/05/2023 09:06

Well I don’t know. When I was young I definitely didn’t want to do a full days work on a few hours sleep. If I were at a wedding that sounded shambolic, I too would have sloped off early. Good for her. Hope she got a pizza on the way home, watched something on TV and got some kip.

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@JudgeRudy

met her pals for a few drinks in town or round someone’s house for a booty call more like 🤣
no wonder she got called out on it

thecookiecrumbles · 30/05/2023 09:12

SocksAndTheCity · 30/05/2023 08:58

Has nobody here ever seen the amount of leftover food at the average wedding? Or is it the norm for employees to stand over guests until they have finished everything on their plate like we used to have at primary school - I haven't been to one in years?

I'm assuming that by all the confident comments about how DD definitely had no need of being home at X time, the nature of her job has been revealed too, or there would be no way of knowing what this evening preparation entailed and posters would be at risk of talking out of their arses.

What are you on about leftovers for? You pay per head when you host a wedding - bride and groom will have been charged for the DD's food whether or not a member of staff then ate it afterwards.

Can you give us an example of the kind of job the DD might be doing that would require hours of preparation the night before?

brunettemic · 30/05/2023 09:12

Both parties are BU. Getting home at 8 to get up at 6:30 the next day is very early, especially when there’s a family wedding. 6:30 isn’t that early a start, in fact it’s a pretty normal start. They said, there was no need for others to get involved and cause a scene. It really seems like one of those situations where nobody is right.

CoronationKicking · 30/05/2023 09:12

Nah it's fucking rude. She should've stayed for the meal if she accepted the invite. Someone did similar at a wedding I was at and everyone was gobsmacked. So rude.

MisschiefMaker · 30/05/2023 09:14

DD shouldn't have accepted the invite. She was rude.

Everanewbie · 30/05/2023 09:15

Sounds like she didn't want to be there and 'running late' was a great reason for the toys to come out of the pram.

What on earth did she need to 'get ready' for work, lay out some clothes? Make a sandwich? 6:30 really isn't that early, and this was an occasion to put her own preferred routine aside to an extent. This is very precious, and as a PP has said, all this self-care, me first stuff has really seems to be an excuse to avoid common courtesy, respect and manners.

Even if she was having an internal 'huff' moment she should have stayed for the end of the meal and and speeches. The B&G obviously decided that she was worthy of an invite so the least she could do was finish the meal. If they planned to sit down at 9pm and it was delayed an hour, I could understand it, but why did she accept the invitation if it was a case of 'everything runs to time or I'm offski'? She didn't need to be the person begging the bar to stay open at 1am, but bloody hell!

The grandmother maybe shouldn't have caused a scene, but your daughter needed to be told that she was out of order by someone, and it seems that you weren't going to so I don't really blame her.

LuckySantangelo35 · 30/05/2023 09:15

SocksAndTheCity · 30/05/2023 09:07

If the guest had to leave at X time, then it can't be helped, especially if the food was late. As per my post upthread when I had to leave a wedding during the speeches when the food was two hours late, and had it been during the food itself I would have still had to leave.

I waitressed many weddings and events when I was a youngster and the amount of food that came back virtually untouched when tables were cleared was an eye opener, or at least it would seemingly be to many on this thread.

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@SocksAndTheCity

OP’s daughter didn’t HAVE to leave at a certain time though, she just wanted to

SocksAndTheCity · 30/05/2023 09:17

thecookiecrumbles · 30/05/2023 09:12

What are you on about leftovers for? You pay per head when you host a wedding - bride and groom will have been charged for the DD's food whether or not a member of staff then ate it afterwards.

Can you give us an example of the kind of job the DD might be doing that would require hours of preparation the night before?

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I mentioned the leftover food because of the number of posters obsessed with the woman's dinner not being eaten, as if everybody else at every wedding eats everything put in front of them and she's the first person ever not to do so. It makes no difference.

As for examples of jobs which might require a couple of hours of evening preparation (which couldn't have been done earlier, since somebody was out at a wedding all day), mine would be one, depending on what I was doing in the morning. But I'm not going to identify it here.

Sandylanes69 · 30/05/2023 09:17

SocksAndTheCity · 30/05/2023 09:07

If the guest had to leave at X time, then it can't be helped, especially if the food was late. As per my post upthread when I had to leave a wedding during the speeches when the food was two hours late, and had it been during the food itself I would have still had to leave.

I waitressed many weddings and events when I was a youngster and the amount of food that came back virtually untouched when tables were cleared was an eye opener, or at least it would seemingly be to many on this thread.

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What utter rubbish; the amount of food left over bears no relationship to guests rudely leaving after their starter.

CannotDoThisAnymore · 30/05/2023 09:17

Had they been drinking? Unnecessary Drama follows drinking 🤦🏻‍♀️

LuckySantangelo35 · 30/05/2023 09:18

Sandylanes69 · 30/05/2023 09:17

What utter rubbish; the amount of food left over bears no relationship to guests rudely leaving after their starter.

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@SocksAndTheCity

this

leftovers are irrelevant to this situation

SocksAndTheCity · 30/05/2023 09:18

Sandylanes69 · 30/05/2023 09:17

What utter rubbish; the amount of food left over bears no relationship to guests rudely leaving after their starter.

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I agree, but apparently it does to some posters or we'd have about half the pages on the thread.

thecookiecrumbles · 30/05/2023 09:18

SocksAndTheCity · 30/05/2023 09:17

I mentioned the leftover food because of the number of posters obsessed with the woman's dinner not being eaten, as if everybody else at every wedding eats everything put in front of them and she's the first person ever not to do so. It makes no difference.

As for examples of jobs which might require a couple of hours of evening preparation (which couldn't have been done earlier, since somebody was out at a wedding all day), mine would be one, depending on what I was doing in the morning. But I'm not going to identify it here.

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Hilarious