DD left wedding early cos of work - should family of kept out of it

[Safarigiraffe]

Hi went to family wedding last night & stayed overnight in hotel. DD couldn’t stay overnight as she was working today however she did come to wedding but here’s the AIBU or not - wedding was running later than expected & DD had to leave by a certain time to be back home as she was up 630 today for work. When DD went to leave everyone on our immediate table (MIL, BIL mainly) made a huge scene about why DD was leaving early as food hadn’t yet arrived (Starters she had but as main food was running a hour late she couldn’t wait for that) & as my husband went to walk DD to car park MIL ran after them both expressing herself over why DD was leaving early (she knew she had to leave early for work)
So AIBU to think that maybe no one should have got involved causing a scene or was DD being unreasonable for having to leave without eating main food when it was already running a hour late and she had to leave to get back home (journey home was hour and a half so she didn’t get in until 8/815)

She should have stayed for the meal.

Your daughter was very rude and the fact that you can't see it shows her rudeness and attitude is down to her upbringing.

Why on earth would anyone need to get home by 8pm to "get ready" to get up ag 6.30am? No one needs that much sleep. Pathetic

YABU! When it's a special occasion like a wedding you forgo an early night in order to celebrate with your family. It probably looked really rude to leave half way through a meal and gives the message that you're not really interested in the couple, or the wedding- how can getting ready for work be required at 8pm? Sounds like an excuse to leave early.

I agree.

You don't think so? Surely it would be better to stay maybe another hour and go home well fed then leave midmeal and go home and have to eat anyway!

I don’t think she sounds unreasonable at all. If she wants to leave she has the right to leave for any reason. Going d for her for prioritising her work and wanting to be responsible.

I do 13 hour shifts and don't finish work until 20:30 (that's if I get off on time) then if I'm in the next day I have to be up at 6. If I'm at work for a few days in a row I get what I can sorted for the days ahead (uniforms and what I plan to take for food etc) Going home for 8/8:15 when it's a special occasion is rude especially when she hadn't had the main course and food at weddings is expensive.
Does she never go out past 8 if she's at work the next day???

this girl needs to learn some social graces!

totally agree!

How bizarre. I could understand if she was going off to do her shift there and then but choosing a specific early time to leave just to get up at what is considered a normal time in the morning? Yes I think it was rude. And that's why the family overreacted.

Leaving midway through the meal was rude, getting home for 8.15pm for a 6.30am start is hardly life or death. When your OP said that things were over-running I thought you were going to say that dinner wasn't served until 9am or something, but sounds like it was all at a time one would expect.

People saying she can leave for whatever reason she likes- I've been at weddings before where the speeches have gone on a bit and I'd rather be at home watching Netflix, I didn't just get up and walk out??

*9pm!

I mean she can do what she wants but honestly did she really need to be back by 8.15? Surely if she’d stayed a little bit longer and Blair back by 10, asleep by 11 that would have been sufficient? Of course she doesn’t have to stay but it seems more like an excuse than anything else.

Tbh it was rude to accept the invitation. Wedding dinners are expensive and the couple could have invited someone who intended to enjoy the meal and the whole day. She didnt need to leave that early. She wanted to leave early as the wedding wasn't that interesting to her. It was more obvious and embarrassing because she left mid meal and your in laws drew more attention to it.

I mean, that’s really early to be home for a 6:30 wake up. Plus on the odd occasion of a family wedding surely she could have a late night and just be slightly tired for the next day. Sounds odd to leave that early when it’s not a very long drive for a special occasion.

But nevertheless, it’s got nothing to do with your in laws. Your DD made her decision, the bride and groom were fine about it, so that’s all that matters. Your MIL should keep out of it.

@RudsyFarmer

lol as if a woman this age is going home so early to “prioritise work”. It’s totally unnecessary to be home by 8pm cos you have work next day. It’s not even that early a start she had! She was probably going to meet some mates or a date or whatever

What do you mean when you say MIL was "expressing herself?"

Surely your DD rushing off at that time then meant she had the hassle of sorting her own dinner out when she got home when she could have just eaten what was about to be put in front of her?

Is MIL was 'expressing herself' by suggesting your DD sensibly eat her dinner that's one thing but if she was screaming and guilt tripping your DD that's another.

Was your DD catching a train? Seems odd if she was driving to walk out mid-dinner.

Leaving that early was unnecessary and you are your husband leaving your seats to walk her to the car park definitely unreasonable.

If she was catching a train fair enough but if she was driving I think it would have been more polite to at least eat the meal. 630 is a normal time to get up for work it's not ridiculously early.
None of this is anything to do with mil though.

It's incredibly rude to leave halfway through a WEDDING DINNER on such a flimsy pretext; it sounds as if you've brought your daughter up to be inconsiderate and selfish. Focus on that rather than throwing blame on others' behaviour (which you're more than likely exaggerating for sympathy).

She should have stayed longer, needing y in be back by 8.15 is ridiculous

as my husband went to walk DD to car park MIL ran after them both expressing herself over why DD was leaving early
If your daughter can “hold her boundaries”
enough to walk out of a wedding holding daddy’s hand in the middle of a meal, why can’t she use her grown up words to say “Granny, you know I have to work early, B&M are aware and the only person making a scene is you!” And leave? Your husband could have done the exact same thing. I’m willing to be nobody else noticed this “scene” tbh.

Surely you would lay everything out for work before you went to the wedding so you could get back late and go straight to bed. Do you realise how expensive weddings are and how difficult it can be to decide who can attend for the wedding breakfast; there may have been others that couldn’t be invited for the meal because your DD attended.

I need to attend a weekend event the day after returning from holiday in the evening. I’m planning on having everything ready so I can just unpack and repack the case and head off.

Does your DD turn into a pumpkin at 9pm? She sounds ridiculous and a bit precious.

SO she left a wedding reception sometime around 6.45 as she was working the next day.

Yes she was BU - the family probably paod a lot of money for her meal. Couldn't she suck up a slightly later night for once - she's no longer a child.

@Safarigiraffe

why on earth did you and your husband leave your seats to walk your daughter to the car park?! So unnecessary and a bit unusual. have you never been to a wedding before? Do you not know what social graces and etiquette are expected?

Sounds like your daughter had somewhere else to be that evening to me. Why on earth would anyone (particularly someone presumably fairly young?) be worried about getting home after 8.00/8.15 as a one-off for a special occasion like a wedding? Better to have refused the invitation and not cost the bride & groom for her meal.