DD left wedding early cos of work - should family of kept out of it

[Safarigiraffe]

Hi went to family wedding last night & stayed overnight in hotel. DD couldn’t stay overnight as she was working today however she did come to wedding but here’s the AIBU or not - wedding was running later than expected & DD had to leave by a certain time to be back home as she was up 630 today for work. When DD went to leave everyone on our immediate table (MIL, BIL mainly) made a huge scene about why DD was leaving early as food hadn’t yet arrived (Starters she had but as main food was running a hour late she couldn’t wait for that) & as my husband went to walk DD to car park MIL ran after them both expressing herself over why DD was leaving early (she knew she had to leave early for work)
So AIBU to think that maybe no one should have got involved causing a scene or was DD being unreasonable for having to leave without eating main food when it was already running a hour late and she had to leave to get back home (journey home was hour and a half so she didn’t get in until 8/815)

She should have stayed for the whole meal. Nobody needs to be at home at 8pm after a wedding just because they have work the next day (unless they start work at 4am!!)

the chasing and making a scene was awkward and not very classy of them but your DD was so unreasonable I can see why they did.

It does not show that she couldn't give a toss. No normal person would look back at their wedding day angry that one young female guest politely left a bit early after apologising and wishing them well. But this is mumsnet, where people lose their minds over weddings.

journey home was hour and a half so she didn’t get in until 8/815)

She could absolutely have stayed another hour or two. Got in for 10pm and had a whole 8 hours sleep before getting up for work. She just didn't want to. That's the crux of it and you supported her OP by babying her.

I'm with your MIL. It's a one off. Surely you can lay everything out for work, make your lunch, do any prep etc before you go?

If the meal was that late you can't have left til after lunch at least.

I don't see what difference another half hour for the meal would have made. In fact surely it would be time saving as she'd have needed to eat when she got home.

If it were the middle of winter and she didn't like driving in the dark perhaps I could understand.

But to not eat a meal that has been paid for, have to go up to the top table to say goodbye (presumably) and disrupt the rest of your table so dad could walk you to the car park, all because you have to get up at a perfectly normal time for work...... that's incredibly rude. I am really relaxed about weddings and but that would piss me off.

Your DD was rude. Who gets up in the middle of a meal at a wedding (which would have cost ££) so they can be home by 8pm for a 6.30 wake up?

This.
It is a one off and to be home.for 8pm is pretty early for a 6am or 630am start.

I would have stayed.
or booked the next day off.

If they were raging about paying for the meal, maybe they should have chosen somewhere that served the meal on time?

Not her fault the meal was running late

Rude.
If you are that precious don't accept the invitation because of your 'early' start.

Mil was right.

Her dad’s cousin’s son? So not immediate family. Other than the cost of the food (which of course is not cheap at weddings) I can’t see any other issue with her leaving. She should have at least had the main course before going though.

I am very laid back about weddings and don’t get the preciousness around them but even I think your DD was rude. If she had to leave so early why didn’t she just go to the ceremony then leave afterwards?

I also don’t get the sunk cost thing because they could have offered her seat to someone else who did actually want to eat the meal so it was a waste of their money. Weddings usually have number limits due to cost so if they prioritised her over someone else attending it’s a bit shitty of her to do that. I also dont believe she left for work. I think she had alternative plans.

But it's not about weddings, it's about common courtesy and manners and sometimes putting yourself out a little bit for other people because that's part of being a decent human 🤷‍♀️ I happen to think MN gets a bit batshit about weddings generally but I don't think this is one of those cases. I imagine if DD was on a night out with friends she wouldn't have sloped off at 6.30pm or whenever either!

Sometimes in life we have to inconvenience ourselves slightly or do something we might not normally do because we are attending an event that is special to someone and they have provided for us to be there. Some people have never learned this (and it's very obvious when you meet them!).

Sounds overly early to leave

I go to bed at 23:00-00:00 for a 6:30am wake up

In-laws behaviour sounds weird

Your DD was NBU if she had already made bride & groom aware. Especially as the food was an hour late being served!

MIL et al were BU. It was none of their business. Very poor form to kick off at a wedding like that. Total drama llamas. People seem to lose their minds at this kind of thing 🙄

I would have had the mains then left. 8pm is still early for 6.30am unless her work is very stressful and she needs to concentrate

It really doesn't. The meal had been paid for whether eaten or not. The DD wouldn't have turned up to the wedding at all if she 'didn't give a toss' about the B&G. Any anger is misplaced - it should be directed at the caterers.

We were at a wedding recently with an 11mo and a 4yo and we managed to stay till gone 10pm and then were up in our hotel room at 6.30 am the next day to travel home. No it wasn't ideal but it was one weekend and it was for people we care about, so we made the effort.

Who knows why the meal was running late. It could have been any reason, the bride being late to start with, photographer.
But it's still rude to eat and leave.

They could have had someone who actually wanted to be there and celebrate with them in that space instead a stroppy girl who they were probably talked into inviting.

I think your DD was rude. 6.30 is not that early- it’s a very normal wake up time for work. There is no need to have left at 7 part way through the meal to be home by 8ish. Plenty of my young grads are out of an evening after work and in dead on time the next morning. I can’t think of the amount of times I had to get up for work at 5.15 after having my children wake up during the night etc.

Your mil also then probably made it much worse by making a scene but it does sound like your DD was unnecessarily rigid and you were encouraging that a bit.

As for the meal running late, I don't think that's particularly relevant. They were eating at 6pm. I've never been to a wedding where people are leaving at 6pm to go home!

How did MIL and FIL create a scene? I think you are just been sensitive.
I assume MIL walked to the carpark probably persuading her to stay a bit longer.
830pm is hardly late for a 630am start.

Your DD was rude and lacking in social grace. Has she never been to a wedding before? Late meals are par for the course. Did you or her father not think to tell her to stay for the main course?

Agreed.
You'd expect guests would be around the 9ish see the first few dances at least.

I'm still convinced she had other plans. Nobody needs to be home for 8.00 to get up at 6.30 the next day.

Mil is probably embarrassed that she has to explain why her DGD was so rude.

MIL shouldn't have run after her, it is an odd thing to do. DD should not have left before the main was served (unless she has an incredibly important job that requires a massive amount of sleep...air traffic controller?! ) because wedding meals are often very expensive that will have been wasted food. If being home early was important, she should have attended the wedding but RSVP No to the reception. Poor manners all around.

DD could have stayed till end of meal as it wasn't that late