DD left wedding early cos of work - should family of kept out of it

[Safarigiraffe]

Hi went to family wedding last night & stayed overnight in hotel. DD couldn’t stay overnight as she was working today however she did come to wedding but here’s the AIBU or not - wedding was running later than expected & DD had to leave by a certain time to be back home as she was up 630 today for work. When DD went to leave everyone on our immediate table (MIL, BIL mainly) made a huge scene about why DD was leaving early as food hadn’t yet arrived (Starters she had but as main food was running a hour late she couldn’t wait for that) & as my husband went to walk DD to car park MIL ran after them both expressing herself over why DD was leaving early (she knew she had to leave early for work)
So AIBU to think that maybe no one should have got involved causing a scene or was DD being unreasonable for having to leave without eating main food when it was already running a hour late and she had to leave to get back home (journey home was hour and a half so she didn’t get in until 8/815)

Is there something you have left out? She is mid-GCSEs? Or an insomniac or has health issues? Or there was only one train / bus back? Why did she need to be walked to the car park?

My alarm on work days goes at 545 every morning. By your time lines - given that is 45 minutes earlier than your DD - I would have to be home by 7:30pm each night to cope - my life would be very limited.

8 hours sleep before 6:30 am is bed at 10:30 pm and I would expect for a one-off to cope on a little bit less. Even with an hour's wind down time, which I do partially understand, she could have stayed an extra hour.

I do not excuse any kind of scene making but I think the plan to have your DD leave so early was flawed. (I say this as a mother of teens who both sometimes have to get up early).

I think your DD was rude sorry! But I am really biased as one of my close friends left just after the meal at mine during the speeches (because she had tickets for some event that her sister had booked without checking the date) and I am still irked by it several years on!!

MIL shouldn’t have chased your daughter obvs. Very weird. But I do think your daughter left at a very early time, even if she had work the next day. Leaving before having the food is rude, yes. It sounds more like she wanted to prep for work when she got home too, when really she should have done that before the wedding. If it was such a big deal to her, she should have only gone to the day bit to either save the B&G a bit of money or let someone else take her place.

Up until my 30s I could be at my desk for 8am having got home at 3am pissed so I do think it was a cautious approach on the timings but there's no excuse for them badgering her. Especially if the wedding was so badly organised that there was an hour wait for mains. She prob wanted to get something to eat!

Your DD was very very rude. For an occasion like a wedding she should have waited for the meal to be over at least and then got a later taxi.

Your MIL was also rude in making a big scene of it, but she was probably feeling mortified by her granddaughter in front of her extended family.

The B&G might have "been fine" with it at the time - would you expect them to say anything different?!! - but I can quite imagine this being talked about for years afterwards regardless. You can't just leave an empty seat at a wedding meal table and expect it to go unnoticed.

Precisely.
I see absolutely nothing wrong with your dd leaving when she chose to, no one on here needs to know why other than she was starting work very early.
The fault lies with the caterers serving an hour late, had the meal been on time no one would have be bitchy about her leaving 🙄

Unless there's a massive drip feed coming, then DD was very unreasonable for leaving before the food was served (even though it was an hour late)

I thought you were going to say it was something like 10pm and food hadn't been served.

Why on earth would she need to be home for 8pm for a 6.30am get up?

Obviously I don't know the age of your DD but I'm pretty sure if it was a girl's night out she'd have sucked it up and survived on less sleep.

I don't think the in-laws should have caused a massive fuss (I'm not a fan of massive fusses anyways) but I can see why they felt DD was being unreasonable.

It does seem very early. My own colleagues came to our wedding reception (starting 7pm if I remember correctly!) and left maybe around 11pm. Starting work the next day at 7am. But YABU. It is her choice and nobody should make a scene over it!

I meant YANBU!

Your MIL should have kept out of it. She said bye to the bride and groom and that should have been the end of it

I think it unnecessary to have to be home for 8.15pm for a 6.30am wake up.

In my opinion your DD should have put herself out a little and at least stayed to eat, whether things were running late or not. Weddings cost a fortune, they're a happy celebration, it's lovely to be invited so I think it a bit rude to up and leave at the stage your DD did.

I wouldn't however expect anyone to make a fuss as people did, you can look on and think it a bad choice and have your views but I think, keep quiet about what you deem to be poor behaviour.

Getting up at 6.30am isn't early

Coming home for 8pm to prepare for work the next day was completely unnecessary

Your DD was v rude

If I were a guest at the table, I'd think your DD was leaving because she was (a) bored or (b) had other plans for the evening. I'm not surprised MIL and BIL trued to persuade her to stay

Agree with a PP, the B&G may have said they were ok with it, but I doubt they meant that

YABU. I get up for work at 6am every day, I’m perfectly fine going to bed about 10.30pm. Your DD was rude leaving before the meal was finished just so she can chill at home.

They didn’t need to cause a scene, but your DD didn’t need to be home for 8pm either.

Of course she wasn’t unreasonable.

She attended the actual marriage ceremony and presumably that’s the important part of a wedding?

If she’s like me, I would happily invent any excuse not to hang around annoying people getting slowly legless…

However, the MIL was definitely a rude bitch.

Your daughter sounds like she is socially awkward. How does she cope in social settings generally? How does she balance social expectations and social norms with her need for a routine.

From this one instance she sounds very rigid, selfish and oblivious. She seems to have a very set routine which even attending a wedding can’t distrupt.

her morning start is a usual time - I am on the train now and have been up for a couple of hours. Most working people are up around 6am - 7am. Most could stay later than 6pm at a wedding.

Most people would have stayed for the meal.

I think your daughter will experience similar annoyance from friends and relatives if she continues to behave like this in social settings.

Your DD shouldn't have accepted the invitation for something she couldn't attend; or should have arranged her work to be able to attend it; or should - disabilities and health conditions permitting - should have sucked up being a little bit more tired the next day, and planned on an early night.

MIL shouldn't have behaved as she did, though.

Traditionally, wedding guests were called upon to be witness to the actual marriage ceremony and that used to be the most important bit. The more witnesses the better. The celebrations that sometimes came after were less important than the ceremony.
The focus has shifted over time of course and guests are now expected to look fabulous and make the best ever memories for the bride and groom who are paying through the nose for them to eat, drink, be merry, be photographed and cheer, laugh or cry at the speeches.
Your dd was presumably present for the ceremony, and stood around chatting to other guests for the drinks and did sit down at least for the first course. It would have been less obvious if she could have managed to hang on for the main course but she should have been allowed to slip away quietly whenever she wanted without the the fuss and drama caused by your in laws. Her reasons for needing to leave mid-meal should have been nobody else’s business even if other guests formed a private opinion about how rude it was.

She is unreasonable if she says she is staying for the meal, but then doesn’t. Weddings per head are extremely expensive and if she didn’t want to stay, she should have said in advance she was only attending the ceremony. The fact she had clearly RSVP’ed to the entire event but chose to skip out after starters because of an “early day” is fairly rude.

Your dd was rude to have left midway between an expensive wedding meal and your mil was mad chasing dd. Looks like manners is lacking in your family.

This is the issue. For a big celebration like a wedding I can understand not taking the next day off but frankly she could have stayed another hour or two and still get home in time to have 8 hours sleep. So by leaving so early she is showing she doesn't think the wedding matters.

Yanbu at all op and neither is your daughter.

Those saying she could have stayed later yes she could but that's not the point! She set out a clear time she needed to leave and set out clear boundaries which everyone was aware of. Maybe she needs some winding down time before bed and to prepare for work. It's not an issue and I'm sure the bride and groom didn't even notice she'd gone. And those saying she can book annual leave maybe she tried and it got denied, or maybe she didn't have much left and wanted to use it for something of her choice.

People get so entitled over weddings it's unreal.

I think your dd was being a little unreasonable, yes she had work but the journey was only an hour, she could have hung on another 30 minutes or so and eaten her main course

Of course she wasn't rude. The meal was running a whole hour late. If it had been on time, she wouldn't have had to leave. The fault lies entirely with whoever is responsible for the delay.

Not everyone is the same.