not to share my table at outdoor cafe

[ShirleyEyeRosebud]

Went to my favourite cafe with my lovely dog for a relaxing Sunday morning brunch fry up.
All the tables were occupied, so we stood feeling a bit self-conscious waiting for about 20 minutes for a table to become free. In the meantime, a kind couple did ask if I wanted to share their table, but I didn’t want to disturb their relaxing morning so I said thanks for the offer but it’s ok.
So, eventually a table became free so I left my bag there to reserve it and went inside the cafe with the hound to order. When I was queuing up to order a woman asked if I had finished with my table so I said no I have just arrived. She then said are there many of you (obviously not) or can we share your table?
I said Sorry I have been waiting for a table and I would rather have it to myself.

AIBU?

Then why do you find it okay to belittle other people's issues

Because part of being human is sharing the world with other people who matter too, whether or not they have autism/social anxiety etc. if I put my comfort first every time I'd never be able to go out. I just accept that some perfectly ordinary everyday things that others do make me uncomfortable and that I can deal with it or I put the onus on myself to make suitable accommodations that help. I do not and should not expect others to revolve around me. I can have almost everything to my liking at home but it isn't reasonable to expect that to be the situation in public places.

I spent the best part of 2 years avoiding going out unless I had one of my couple of "safe" people with me, due to extreme anxiety and even with my safe people I struggled but if I'd put my comfort first every time and never pushed my boundaries, I'd still be stuck at home so instead I learned to deal with feeling uncomfortable at times and finding techniques to deal with it.

I Understand where you are coming from, I really do. I much prefer my own space too and if it had been a small indoor cafe place with typical small tables which really only seat 2 but they get 4 chairs around it, I wouldn't think you were being at all unreasonable to want the table to yourself

However, outdoor picnic tables which seat 6 at benches is a different scenario altogether - especially on a very busy day. Personally I would have asked if it was just the two of them and if they confirmed that, I would have said yes. You were lucky they asked, actually.

It's a bit moot asking the question though, as you still don't think you were being unreasonable or selfish so I'm not sure why you asked if you aren't willing to be told that others had a different view of things?

😂

I missed the update! I think one person at a table for six should share if it was two or three people. More than that, I'd feel uncomfortable.

No you weren’t being unreasonable. You waited for a free table Other people sitting at your table chatting to each other would be annoying

Okay, no idea if I am "extremely disabled", but I'll make sure not to do as OP did and advocate for myself.
I'll make sure I stay at home at busy times anyway, I wouldn't want to upset people by possibly having a meltdown in public.
It really is awful that we're now moving into categorising severity of disabilities. Especially when OP reacted calmly snd politely, not in any way rude, and the couple just moved on to another table.

I can't believe some of these comments. You weren't unreasonable at all, you had waited for a table, just because there were more seats than you needed doesn't mean you should have to share if you don't want to. I hope you had a great meal.

I have social anxiety but I don't have expectations that I can take a space for 6 just for me. Avoiding busy cafes is one of my basic ways of avoiding it.

Also, standing around for 20 mins potentially making other people feel uncomfortable is a really odd thing to do. Why did you not juts say 'oh, it's busy; I shall go elsewhere or maybe come back in a bit and see if there is a seat'?

@Riverlee

At most cafes here you give your table number ordering so yes you find a table first

Even McDonald's

It's such a hard one.

Yabu in many ways because it seats 6.

However I'd have declined the offer to share and I wouldn't have offered to share either!!!!

But I would have felt I had to say yes if someone asked to share such a large table.

I would have sat firmly at one end and made it clear I was not intending to engage with them if I'd deliberately set out to eat alone to have alone time.

OTOH I've also had some fab coffees when out and about with ds and ended up sharing tables with other mums when out alone with children running errands.

So it's swings and roundabouts and as much as there's an expectation you share a large table I do think there's a fine line when someone else's needs and wants are expected to trump your own.

I'd start looking for a cafe with tables for 2

Exactly. I haven’t seen any reasonable arguments to convince me that I was being unreasonable.

Me and my hound are off out for lunch now ON A BANK HOLIDAY ON OUR OWN. We will be monopolising a whole table unless the restaurant owner has a problem with that. We are regular customers so they will probably be pleased to see us.

You wouldn’t know that I have a disability from first impressions how would you like me to prove that I am worthy to sit at your table?

Same. I don't look disabled but I am and I can't stand for any length of time. We don't all have wheelchairs or crutches(Though in my case that's coming but it is avoidable for now)

Find the biggest table there op 👍

Thank you!

🤣🤣

I hate sharing but I always say yes.
I'm far more wary now after DH and I drove quite some way to a rural brewery/gastro pub type place.
Tables generally taken but not full and two blokes came up, drink in hand to ask if the rest of our table was free. It was a pretty big table so we said yes of course.
They sat down for a drink and within 5 minutes another two blokes pitched up and about 10 children who all belonged to these guys. They all squashed on together and I recall a child half sitting on my lap such was the lack of space and staring at me while I took a bite of my artisan burger.
A table suddenly came free and all the blokes left our table, sat at the free one a good 10 metres away and instructed the kids to remain at our table. They occasionally ordered them a few baskets of 'hand cut artisan fries' while they guffawed between themselves at the other side of the pub while the children screeched at each other on our table.
Fucking awful.

Deffo YABU, if was a single table... Ok... But depriving others of a seat at peak time..??

And business of revenue is really unreasonable of you!!

You don't have to interact with table sharers... Yesterday same thing happened to me, (and DH)... We were at busy festival... Would have been selfish to take one of the few tables to ourselves...

We didn't chat to these people, apart from saying seats were free.

They aren't "more" entitled. They have THE SAME entitlement to that table as yourself. Hence why you should have shared it, especially as it was a large table and there'd still have been space between you and them!

@Nanny0gg No, I'd probably just sit there and stew! 😄
@TallerThanAverage not sure, really - maybe you (or the person with an invisible disability) would need to mention it? I don't know if that's asking too much or not - a quick, 'sorry, I/my mum/my child can't stand for very long - would you mind if we shared your table?' would immediately have me welcoming them to sit down. Some would argue that the onus shouldn't be on the person with a disability to need to do this, but the alternative means I'd have to share with everyone and I'm not prepared to do so!

You would never share your table in a public restaurant?

Errr yeah you would. ANYone is entitled to come sit there. You don't own the table FFS.

I cannot get over the level of entitlement from some posters on here. Utterly breathtaking.

I'm on the fence here. If there had been two people I'd have happily shared a picnic bench. Four people would have made me uncomfortable @ShirleyEyeRosebud .

Exactly. I haven’t seen any reasonable arguments to convince me that I was being unreasonable.

Considering that you clearly think that the world if not the universe revolves around you and that you started the thread convinced that you were entirely in the right, that's hardly surprising. I think you just wanted to stir the pot because I see no reason why you'd bother to ask when you had your mind made up from the start.

You were unreasonable. Also, not fair on the cafe.

They don't have the same entitlement, because they didn't get there first. Hence needing to ask permission.