Page 22 | not to share my table at outdoor cafe

ShirleyEyeRosebud · 2023-05-29T09:26:33+00:00

Went to my favourite cafe with my lovely dog for a relaxing Sunday morning brunch fry up. All the tables were occupied, so we stood feeling a bit self-conscious waiting for about 20 minutes for a table to become free. In the meantime, a kind couple did ask if I wanted to share their table, but I didn’t want to disturb their relaxing morning so I said thanks for the offer but it’s ok. So, eventually a table became free so I left my bag there to reserve it and went inside the cafe with the hound to order. When I was queuing up to order a woman asked if I had finished with my table so I said no I have just arrived. She then said are there many of you (obviously not) or can we share your table? I said Sorry I have been waiting for a table and I would rather have it to myself. AIBU?

LumpySpaceGoddess · 29/05/2023 17:59

TrashyPanda · 29/05/2023 17:54

I really don’t understand why anyone would sit at a table when the occupant has specifically asked them not to

because it is a polite social convention to ask if anyone else is sitting there - and to then sit down.

the reasoning being that you do not have the right to deny anyone else a seat that is not occupied just because you prefer it that way. Because that is rude and selfish to try to impose your will to the detriment of others, ie by denying them a seat hen they need one to sit down and eat just because you want a table for 6 all to yourself.

I understand that point but I also don’t think it’s fair to cause emotional distress to another person by forcing them to share, I honestly would feel so sick from anxiety by having strangers sitting on a table with me that I wouldn’t be able to eat anything at all and I’d be a shaky sweaty mess.

JediIsMyMaster · 29/05/2023 17:59

It’s not as if I’m having a private conversation out loud with myself

TBF that would be a good way to put most people off sitting with you…

HoldingTheDoor · 29/05/2023 18:01

Except it does sound very much like a school canteen if you’re having to sit in a group of people you haven’t chosen to.

No it sounds like a place intended for the use of the general public which is what it's intended to be. The OP seems to regard it as her own private dining room/hall.

BastetsWhiskers · 29/05/2023 18:01

JediIsMyMaster · 29/05/2023 17:59

It’s not as if I’m having a private conversation out loud with myself

TBF that would be a good way to put most people off sitting with you…

🤣 with a few maniacal laughs interspersed

Original poster

ShirleyEyeRosebud · 29/05/2023 18:05

LumpySpaceGoddess · 29/05/2023 17:59

I understand that point but I also don’t think it’s fair to cause emotional distress to another person by forcing them to share, I honestly would feel so sick from anxiety by having strangers sitting on a table with me that I wouldn’t be able to eat anything at all and I’d be a shaky sweaty mess.

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Especially as there seem to be so many people on here who wouldn’t have an issue with sharing with strangers. So why inflict yourself on someone who has said they do have a problem with it.

OP posts:

LumpySpaceGoddess · 29/05/2023 18:07

ShirleyEyeRosebud · 29/05/2023 18:05

Especially as there seem to be so many people on here who wouldn’t have an issue with sharing with strangers. So why inflict yourself on someone who has said they do have a problem with it.

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Because people with hidden disabilities and MH issues don’t count and should just always make themselves uncomfortable and inconvenienced for the sake of others.

LakieLady · 29/05/2023 18:10

I hate having to share a table with strangers (not social anxiety, just anti-social), so YANBU and I'm in awe of you for saying no, OP.

I never have the nerve to say no when asked, but I'm going to try it next time I'm asked.

WhatelseotherthanADs · 29/05/2023 18:12

LubaLuca · 29/05/2023 17:58

This is like refusing to let someone sit next to you on the train. Nobody would choose to have a stranger there but it's very selfish to refuse when someone else needs a seat.

A table for 6 is fine to share with others. You don't need to talk to them or interact with them in any way, they're not wanting your company, you just let them sit at the other end and mind your own business.

I think you’re comparing two different things. Public transport is for getting from A to B for a purpose. People go out to eat for enjoyment / to relax. I’m with op - it’s not relaxing sharing a table with someone when eating out. Some people don’t mind but would be uncomfortable if sharing with people who do mind hence them asking. No one asks on a train they just plonk themselves down !

HoldingTheDoor · 29/05/2023 18:13

Because people with hidden disabilities and MH issues don’t count and should just always make themselves uncomfortable and inconvenienced for the sake of others.

What bullshit.

Does that include people with hidden disabilities who have to go elsewhere or stand forever when it's painful for them because you're too precious to share a public space?

Honestly this idea that those of us with autism/anxiety/ADHD whatever can never be expected to put ourselves out a little for anyone or make any accommodations for others really doesn't help us. There's a difference between something that makes you a bit uncomfortable and something that would cause a genuine meltdown/extreme distress . If I prioritised my comfort every time I'd go nowhere and see no one.

Original poster

ShirleyEyeRosebud · 29/05/2023 18:15

LakieLady · 29/05/2023 18:10

I hate having to share a table with strangers (not social anxiety, just anti-social), so YANBU and I'm in awe of you for saying no, OP.

I never have the nerve to say no when asked, but I'm going to try it next time I'm asked.

Thank you!

OP posts:

AnarchoTyrannosaurus · 29/05/2023 18:15

TrashyPanda · 29/05/2023 17:54

I really don’t understand why anyone would sit at a table when the occupant has specifically asked them not to

because it is a polite social convention to ask if anyone else is sitting there - and to then sit down.

the reasoning being that you do not have the right to deny anyone else a seat that is not occupied just because you prefer it that way. Because that is rude and selfish to try to impose your will to the detriment of others, ie by denying them a seat hen they need one to sit down and eat just because you want a table for 6 all to yourself.

But people do have the right to deny you that seat. I would say no, sorry, the seat is taken , off you pop.

HoldingTheDoor · 29/05/2023 18:16

But people do have the right to deny you that seat. I would say no, sorry, the seat is taken , off you pop.

And I'd sit down regardless.

NatashaDancing · 29/05/2023 18:17

AnarchoTyrannosaurus · 29/05/2023 18:15

But people do have the right to deny you that seat. I would say no, sorry, the seat is taken , off you pop.

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But the only seat taken was the one the OP was sitting in (unless of course she did have 5 imaginary, invisible friends occupying the others)

HoldingTheDoor · 29/05/2023 18:17

The only place I'd be popping is my arse on one of those seats.

AnarchoTyrannosaurus · 29/05/2023 18:17

Does that include people with hidden disabilities who have to go elsewhere or stand forever when it's painful for them because you're too precious to share a public space?

Yes. I have a hidden disability. I still wouldn't impose myself on someone else's table. I'd take responsibility for myself and go somewhere else if I couldn't wait for a table to become free.

NatashaDancing · 29/05/2023 18:18

HoldingTheDoor · 29/05/2023 18:16

But people do have the right to deny you that seat. I would say no, sorry, the seat is taken , off you pop.

And I'd sit down regardless.

Same here.

JudgeRudy · 29/05/2023 18:19

ShirleyEyeRosebud · 29/05/2023 10:30

They were picnic benches so would seat 6 people.

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YABU if you think it's acceptable to reserve a table for 6 for just you when there is limited space. When it's not so busy you have that choice . Everyone wants a table to themselves. You don't 'deserve' one anymore than anyone else.
Did you actually get to eat your breakfast at a picnic table to yourself?

AnarchoTyrannosaurus · 29/05/2023 18:20

NatashaDancing · 29/05/2023 18:17

But the only seat taken was the one the OP was sitting in (unless of course she did have 5 imaginary, invisible friends occupying the others)

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Seats might not be taken. But the table is. Tough.

NatashaDancing · 29/05/2023 18:21

ShirleyEyeRosebud · 29/05/2023 18:05

Especially as there seem to be so many people on here who wouldn’t have an issue with sharing with strangers. So why inflict yourself on someone who has said they do have a problem with it.

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Because people like you think you are entitled to take up a table for 6. Honestly just keep on digging - you sound more precious and entitled every time you post.

AnarchoTyrannosaurus · 29/05/2023 18:21

NatashaDancing · 29/05/2023 18:18

Same here.

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I'd just say they were taken. I mean you could plop your arse down there, but they may actually be taken. How will you know whose telling you the truth and who isn't? And if they were taken, you'd be out of that seat as quickly as you got in. Which would be quite funny tbf.

HoldingTheDoor · 29/05/2023 18:21

Yes. I have a hidden disability. I still wouldn't impose myself on someone else's table. I'd take responsibility for myself and go somewhere else if I couldn't wait for a table to become free.

Perhaps then you and the OP should take responsibility for yourselves, recognise that it's a public place and that you do not own the space around you, much as you might like to think you do. And if you can't deal with the reality of that, well other options are available.

AnarchoTyrannosaurus · 29/05/2023 18:22

HoldingTheDoor · 29/05/2023 18:21

Yes. I have a hidden disability. I still wouldn't impose myself on someone else's table. I'd take responsibility for myself and go somewhere else if I couldn't wait for a table to become free.

Perhaps then you and the OP should take responsibility for yourselves, recognise that it's a public place and that you do not own the space around you, much as you might like to think you do. And if you can't deal with the reality of that, well other options are available.

If I got there first, then the table is mine. Deal with it.

HoldingTheDoor · 29/05/2023 18:22

I'd just say they were taken. I mean you could plop your arse down there, but they may actually be taken. How will you know whose telling you the truth and who isn't? And if they were taken, you'd be out of that seat as quickly as you got in. Which would be quite funny tbf.

And if they aren't taken then I'll still be sitting on the seat, which would be equally amusing I'm sure.

NatashaDancing · 29/05/2023 18:23

AnarchoTyrannosaurus · 29/05/2023 18:20

Seats might not be taken. But the table is. Tough.

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As you say the seats aren't taken. If that was the only table free no way would I be standing just so some as selfish as the OP took up 6 spaces.

AnarchoTyrannosaurus · 29/05/2023 18:23

NatashaDancing · 29/05/2023 18:21

Because people like you think you are entitled to take up a table for 6. Honestly just keep on digging - you sound more precious and entitled every time you post.

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Who cares what you think. Very entitled of you to think you have the right to join paying customers at their table. You don't.