not to share my table at outdoor cafe

[ShirleyEyeRosebud]

Went to my favourite cafe with my lovely dog for a relaxing Sunday morning brunch fry up.
All the tables were occupied, so we stood feeling a bit self-conscious waiting for about 20 minutes for a table to become free. In the meantime, a kind couple did ask if I wanted to share their table, but I didn’t want to disturb their relaxing morning so I said thanks for the offer but it’s ok.
So, eventually a table became free so I left my bag there to reserve it and went inside the cafe with the hound to order. When I was queuing up to order a woman asked if I had finished with my table so I said no I have just arrived. She then said are there many of you (obviously not) or can we share your table?
I said Sorry I have been waiting for a table and I would rather have it to myself.

AIBU?

You wouldn't be sitting with me 😂

Exactly! It’s not their seat or their table, it belongs to the cafe owner!

if I was the cafe owner, I’d be saying sorry a single occupant can’t hold a table for six, unless their prepared to share.

and yes I’d lose the single occupant if they didn’t want that …. But the gain is better.

If I got there first, then the table is mine. Deal with it.

I will deal with it, by sitting on one of those seats Your desire to selfishly hog a public place doesn't trump other people's need for a seat or the cafe needing to make money. Fuck me. The level of Me Me Me Me is unbelievable. Did none of your parents ever teach you to share?

The table is not yours. Unless you booked a table for 6, the table is not yours. I imagine any restaurant which allows bookings would be thrilled (not) to find a table for 6 was booked for a single diner paying for a single meal.

But that’s what I’m saying, this situation can cause someone extreme distress, it’s literally what I said! I’m not talking about being a little bit uncomfortable, I’m talking about causing someone extreme distress that it leads to physical symptoms

Who cares what you think. Very entitled of you to think you have the right to join paying customers at their table. You don't.

You have no right to keep other paying customers from a seat. You might expect to do that but expect away. I'm still sitting on one of those seats.

It's quite astonishing. And I say that as a person who frequently eats solo. If I had been in the OP's situation I'd be embarrassed at even having to be asked if I saw someone looking for a table.

Lol, you won't. Only a fool would do that if you'd been told the seats had been taken. You may find yourself being exited forcefully through your childish behaviour, if you found they were actually taken. Unless you like living life on the edge. Personally I have more of a sense of self preservation.

I have a hidden disability and like you I’d just go somewhere else rather than impose on others as it would not only cause me distress why should I force myself into another persons space when they could really need the privacy/downtime etc.

Someone talking to me to ask to share my table when I’m on my own would be extremely distressing to me, to the point of meltdown.

Which is why I don’t put myself in situations where that could happen - I wouldn’t expect, as a single person, to be able to keep a 6-seater table to myself in a busy cafe, so I’d just go somewhere else.

Tbh I'd have probably said yes until I saw this thread. But looking at you entitled lot who thinks you have the right to squeeze up next to me at the dinner table, the answer will definitely be no in future. 😂

What would you do? Scweam and scweam until you are sick? Tell the owner of the café "but it's MY TABLE, MINE, MINE, "

Exactly this.

I'd probably vomit all over the table ☺️

But that’s what I’m saying, this situation can cause someone extreme distress, it’s literally what I said! I’m not talking about being a little bit uncomfortable, I’m talking about causing someone extreme distress that it leads to physical symptoms

We're talking about the OP here, yes? I doubt that it's going to cause the majority of people, ND or not, extreme distress. It's ok to feel uncomfortable sometimes and if it's too much for you, then other options are available. When my anxiety becomes severe, I generally regard it as my job to deal with it and make accommodations, extreme circumstances asides and that might mean leaving a place rather than expecting other people to leave or be quiet(Assuming that they're not making very excessive noise) or demanding people keep away from me.

The people saying they’d sit down anyway because you are rude and selfish are hilariously rude and selfish.

you can’t just demand to sit at someone’s table at a cafe anymore than you can walk into a restaurant and join a table of 3.

if the cafe want all their seats used they shouldn’t put out only tables of 6, when clearly most parties are not 6 people.

Would you join people in a restaurant for an evening meal as well?

I can’t believe the amount of people who say they’d plonk themselves down regardless of the other persons wishes! Never known a cafe to run this model of business where strangers are expected to share. I know wagamammas do it but at least you know what to expect.

if I’m at a cafe with a friend we will try and get a small table, but if there’s only a large table left we’ll sit there. We might be having a private conversation and not want random people sat listening. Though with most of my colleague friends the conversation revolves around vaginas and sphincter repairs so some people might be put off their food! 😂. If I’m on my own I don’t want to sit listening to a stranger’s conversation

thankfully the two cafes I normally frequent you are seated by staff on the door and they don’t make people share tables. Plus they’re dog friendly and if someone did plonk themselves at my table I’d let my dog jump up at their food and try and try and snaffle their lunch!

But the 5 other seats weren't taken. You can't even sustain your own ridiculous argument.

But looking at you entitled lot who thinks you have the right to squeeze up next to me at the dinner table, the answer will definitely be no in future. 😂

What a joke calling anyone entitled when you think you and others should treat it like your own private dining hall.

I'm still sitting there. Vomit away. I've been a carer 3x and I've worked in care. I have a strong stomach.

Exactly.

Of course you cannot dictate who sits at a large table in a public space.

if the cafe want all their seats used they shouldn’t put out only tables of 6, when clearly most parties are not 6 people.

It's an outdoor cafe. Picnic tables make sense because they don't need to be brought in every night. And they're generally meant to be shared. Though I'd share if necessary in any cafe but I'd especially expect to do so with benches/picnic tables.

If you've never come across cafés with this sort of arrangement, then you really can't get out much.

But the table is.

Tables don't get 'taken'. A person is entitled the one seat they are sitting on, that's it.

Obviously at a small table for 2 it's a bit different. But no way can someone take a whole table for themselves, at their choice.

The way I see it, there is an unspoken rule that for bigger tables, there will be sharing in a cafe. If you went to a restaurant, you wouldn't expect to take up a 6 person table, or even a four-person one, as a solo person. That would be ridiculous, but the staff stop you from doing that by sensibly placing you on a two-person table (unless they are not busy at all in which case they might let you sit at a four). If you go to a cafe, you have exactly the same issue but no waitress coming to tables, so you are expected to organize yourselves, especially at busy times. It would be very strange to see the rationale for a restaurant maximising their customers (the whole concept of covers) and not to see that that also applies to cafes. Now, generally, neither restaurants or cafes expect you to sit eyeball to eyeball with someone, so they don't place another single person opposite you. But sharing a cafe table on a busy Bank Holiday is absolutely expected and really, if that's not your thing, and you require a whole large table to yourself, then don't go to busy cafes on Bank Holiday as you will be asked, even if you then squirm or say no.

I think all you’d need to do is tell the owner if they didn’t make the newcomers leave your table you wouldn’t be paying the bill and you’ll be leaving the shittest tripadvisor review every informing everyone the establishment operate a forced table sharing policy. Believe me the owner will know that most people will be put off by the thought of that so I’d assume service would be refused.