They must be available at some point.

[botheritsgone]

My MIL is about to have a milestone birthday. We are not in the habit of giving lots of gifts or having big parties. However, Mil did mention she would quite like a photo of all the grandchildren together.
This is proving very difficult. I enquired locally and told my SIL about the availability around here for photographers. I also said that if it was helpful we could come to a location closer to them. They are about 150 miles away.
SIL said that she wouldn't be able to get her teens together for a photo because she couldn't tell them what to do and all have busy social lives.
I realise my kids are much younger at 5&3 but can you really not even ask your 14&16 year olds to keep a couple of hours free one weekend to get a photo for their grandma?
I'm unsure what has been said but Mil is making comments about SIL feeling I was being bossy. That wasn't my intention. I was just trying to get something organised.
I can't see there ever being a point where my nephews aren't busy and the photo actually happening. Mil does a lot for everyone so it would be nice to do the one thing she has asked for but hey not my mother. AIBU to just give up on the idea? Maybe just get a photo of my two for their Gran.

Sad and depressing that some teenagers wouldn't want to do this for their gran and even more so that some parents wouldn't make them do it. What a horrible world we are creating. My teenagers would not be enthusiastic, but would do it (indeed they already have). Including my son who suffers terribly from acne, bless him, and so is very self conscious and hates having his photo taken. He willingly did it for his gran, because he loves her and she has been so very kind and generous to him throughout his whole life.

We have a big extended family on DH's side. The best bet is to organise a gathering nr MIL... have a cake and take photos then. We had one where all the great grandchildren were lined up in height order and it was a kind of game with them. Its a really sweet photo.
Also if the object is a decent picture I would get something like a wedding photographer or someone outside the family to take the pics. - you only want 1-2 decent pix.. Yes you may get some decent iPhone pix - that's a bonus. But a lot of people are terrible photographers or they don't capture what you were looking for.
But at the end of the day if you yourself tried to take the pic, they are likely not to listen. Not to cooperate for more than two or pull stupid faces - seen it all before. A photographer says everyone stand over there and people just do what they are told. They have already calculated the right light, the right background etc and they are capable of moving everyone to the right spot. They are bossy and people usually do what they say. Much more likely to result in the photo your GM wants. Also you can gather the iPhone photos on a family group and make it into a little video for your MIL. or hand out those disposable cameras
If its at a gathering, it will be more memorable for MIL and relaxed than a formal photo

@ThePlan I don’t think anyone stated your kids were brats because they wouldn’t have their photo taken for granny and knitted her a blanket instead.

I just said that I think that consideration for others and what they actually want for a gift is important. In this case, granny asked for a photo-not a blanket! Even my very photo averse DS would comply.

@FarmGirl78 Sorry, I’ve tagged you accidently. 💐

And @ThePlan - sorry, what’s funny about the word “elder”? It’s commonly used by people from lots of cultures to describe respected older people.

But then you don’t sound as if you have much respect for others.

Their life's legacy?! Oh please!! Ego trip.

See I find it very sad indeed that your son has learned from you to obey someone purely because they are indebted to them. Grandma has been generous, therefore you must do as she wishes despite your discomfort. Not a good thing to teach, sorry.

Surely the grandma would be mortified to know that her grandchildren feel obligated to meet her demands? Duty-bound to perform.

Not good vibes (your username) at all I feel…

“Obligated to meet her demands…” what!”? When someone just wants a simple photo? Strange way of couching it.

Some deep-seated weird issues if this is your worldview.

A photo of all the grandchildren is exactly the sort of thing my mum would ask for as a gift! The seven teenaged grandchildren would be less than overjoyed by the prospect but they'd do it for their Gran although it would need planning as some would need the day off work, others have sports trials on particular weekends etc. The toddlers would happily grimace in the direction of the camera and have no exams, sports commitments etc.

For us, the best way to get a photo would be for a family meal/picnic/similar to take place and for a bunch of photos to be taken there. That's what we did for my mum's 70th and then printed out the best ones for her. She was delighted, the teens loved the food and hanging out together and we all have happy memories of the day. The photo taken by the waiter was the one my mum held and talked to my dad about as he died. The grandchildren don't all know that but they do know how treasured that photo is and in spite of their preference to generally avoid photos, know the occasional photo matters to their grandparents.

If she was asking for a kidney...you'd have a point. It's a photo fgs.

@GoodVibesHere how is wanting a photo of your family all together an ego trip?
It's natural to reflect on life as you age (and inevitably death approaches).
Are you seriously saying that you couldn't accommodate a request for a family photo for a much loved grandparent, and encourage the rest of the family to do the same?

For us, the best way to get a photo would be for a family meal/picnic/similar to take place and for a bunch of photos to be taken there. That's what we did for my mum's 70th and then printed out the best ones for her. She was delighted, the teens loved the food and hanging out together and we all have happy memories of the day.

That does sound lovely, but that's not at all what the OP suggested.

If she had said something like -- we really must all get together in the next month or two, when might be good for you? Oh and we can snap a few photos of the kids, Nan really wants a photo for her birthday.

OR

Get her husband to call his sister and say -- I know we don't usually do big parties for Mum but why don't we have more of a get together this year? Just a big meal and we can take some photos of the kids which will make her very happy.

But instead the OP wants a professional photo shoot that must be travelled to, it just sounds a bit cold and awkward. I asked earlier, do you not spend any time together naturally? No family visits at all?

Don't do that unless you want to fall out with your SIL.

The best and most treasured photos my late mum had were the compilation books and calenders we used to send her at Christmas.
She had dementia towards the end of her life and she would enjoy looking at them over and over again.
They are so easy to do.

How selfish, what is wrong with people. Can't they give their granny what she'd like.

Imagine she passes soon, they will say I wish we'd done it for her.

Wake up people and be glad someone actually wants a photo of you too.

Society is going down with its selfishness.

@GoodVibesHere I haven't taught him to feel obligated to obey the demands of others. He has learned that we value each other in our family and that sometimes we do things we don't especially want to, in order to please another. Just like they do for us. It's extending reciprocal goodwill and I think the world is a better place if people do that, rather than always putting their own wishes first. If you don't put yourself out sometimes for other people, then you can't be surprised when they don't lift a finger for you. Horrible way to live, in my view.

girlfriend44

actually judging by quite a few of the comments on here I don’t think they will say ‘I’m sorry I didn’t do that for her’
they would say I don’t give a shit that my kids gave a massive Fuck you to their dying grandmother as I’m so proud that they’ve learnt to stand up for themselves and never do anything that causes the slightest irritation or inconvenience as I have successfully taught them that the world revolves round them.

@luckylavender Why would that make her sil fall out with her?

My Mum had a lovely pic of her Grandchildren for her 80th .
Yes they all moaned but they also had the awareness/ empathy of how much Grandma would love the picture.
So they all just cooperated and it is a lovely picture and Grandma was thrilled.
Basically the children were not brought up to be self entitled twats!
She sadly died a few years ago and the picture is now up in our sitting room.

The SIL has been very vague about arranging it. She may have reasons. So her SIL getting involved is hardly likely to be welcome. Isn't that obvious?

I wonder whether the teenagers knew about the request in the first place.

If it was genuinely just down to a busy calendar I think the SIL would have suggested doing it later in the year and making it a Christmas present or whatever.

That sounds amazing 💖

Lots of teenagers wouldn’t be up for this. As an adult, I wouldn’t want to do it either.

But most people would have the empathy to understand that this is something nice for their Gran. Something she has specifically asked for.
No, most of us don't like having our photos taken, but most decent people understand that sometimes you just suck it up because you know it will make someone very happy, and it really isn't going to harm you in any way.

To be honest I think my teen would rather donate a kidney than have a photo taken

@luckylavender "The SIL has been very vague about arranging it. She may have reasons. So her SIL getting involved is hardly likely to be welcome. Isn't that obvious?"

They are 14 and 16. Surely it's up to them, not her.