To be sad at the level of competitive spending..

[BelleMarionette]

At children's parties?

The old fashioned coming over to the family home, party games and some food and snacks seems to have disappeared.

It's now all about hiring venues, entertainers, or going to expensive places that offer packages.

I can't remember the last time my children were invited to a party in the children's house without an entertainer. Even families without a lot put on big parties.

I can't afford fancy parties, and feel embarrassed to host a 'normal' (ie just at home with food and games I organise) party.

When I was child I remember parties just being a few games or running riot in the child's home for a couple of hours.

Aibu that the norm has very much changed?

I agree. However when my DD was 8, I did a retro 70s party (basically the sort of party I had in 1974).

It was basically and ‘old fashioned’ kids party (not a cut up grape or carrot stick in sight) and games etc.

The kids had to dress up (there were lots of long dresses) and they loved it.

It all came down to how I ‘sold it’. Oh and I went full on 1970’s and nonparents were invited. My SIL, my neighbour and I were quite capable of doing a party for 15 7 and 8 year olds.

We've just had a 5th birthday birthday party for dd and it was in a hired hall, with bouncy castle and slide, with the whole class invited. DD is at a private primary so all families are well off, and all the parties have been in hired halls or booked venues all year, with entertainers and/or bouncy castle. I never took into account how much we spent in comparison to others, so it wasn't about competitive spending, but we wanted to have a fun birthday experience for dd and her classmates. And we're lucky that we can afford it comfortably, for us it's just one of the expenses of childhood, like nice holidays or days out.

Our house is big enough to host a party, but it would be really stressful preparing it for 25 4-5 year olds, and I probably am a bit self-conscious of it as no other parents have done a party at home, and it needs a bit of work as we moved in a few months ago. I think one family did one a couple of years ago, but it might have been because it was hard to book places just after Covid restrictions.

In the 80s in my childhood, a lot of parties were at home, but I lived in a low income area and my parents wouldn't have been able to afford to hire anywhere. I remember about 5 parties which were in hired halls or the local leisure centre - those families were relatively well off compared to most.

I don't know how old your children are, op, but tiny children arrive with 2 adults each so 5 child guests equals 15 people. Older children get bored after a round of pass the parcel then ransack your child's bedroom. I'm not a competitive parent but would rather spend £150 to invite 8 children to a local soft play for nuggets and chips and go home to a clean, tidy home for a bottle of pinot grigio.

We’ve always had halls with entertainers or an activity (jump, climbing, pottery painting etc) party. One year, our entertainer called at 6am to say he was sick. Couldn’t get anyone else so had to have it at home as would have had nothing to do in the hall. We kept the face painter, played pass the parcel and let the kids play with toys. It was the most chilled, and most enjoyable party we ever had. But would still be scared to do it again!l for some reason!

We had one party at home and it was so much work. We then went and did village hall parties for a while and did a bouncy castle and catered ourselves, still loads of work. I now save up and do package parties just because they are the easiest by far!! We go to the cheapest places though, because there's so much competition you can often get it at quite a good price.

We don't live in a posh area so maybe that's the issue. No one I know invites 50 kids- it tends to be inviting 8-10 children to a party at the local soft play or trampoline park.

Totally this. Plus I don’t like other people’s children enough to let them loose in my house so I’ll pay a premium to avoid that.

One year DD asked for an "old fashioned" party at home with traditional party games and party food for her friends.

It was a lot of work but the girls all really enjoyed it and she set a bit of a fashion that year.

Strange how many people here assume everyone living in London is rich. This is far from the case: there is a lot of deprivation. I live in an area that is notorious for all the wrong reasons. A lot of the parents throwing these lavish parties can ill afford to do so.

I said I can't afford a big party, but people assume I am rich for preferring to have it at home. It doesn't mean I have a big home, just that I would size the party accordingly.

I get the convenience of paying for a package at a venue, but to be able to afford to do so is a privilege. These parties aren't just a case of paying for a venue: there are loads of additional extras, for example DJs, bouncy castles, entertainers, mobile zoos.. the list goes on. It's different to hiring a church hall and parents arranging some game.

When I was a child I was always allowed 2 or 3 best friends to tea and party games. Now a lot of primary children invite the whole class meaning they have to have a venue as too many for your home.

Our flat is tiny. No garden. Our "sitting room" is my husband's office 6 days a week. At our nursery, only the posh parents have a home large enough to host a party.

I can't remember the last time my children were invited to a party in the children's house without an entertainer. Even families without a lot put on big parties.

I'm now in my 45th year (sob!) and can recall children's parties featuring the sausage-balloon man. It wasn't the norm exactly, but always great fun when he showed up.

Same where we live in zone 2 London. Only those with a large house and garden have parties at home, everyone else has to hire a venue.

What I find weird is now most of the kids parties we attend usually offer grown ups Prosecco and beer.

It's to get through the party!

We always had dcs parties at home. As a primary teacher l wasn't afraid of taking on a big gang and all birthdays were Summer. We knew their friends from playmates so no surprises with behaviour. Our dcs associated parties with home. We have a big garden out the country but l could see if it was a Winter birthday/ not much experience with a horde of children/ living in city or no knowledge of the various kids it wouldn't be a good idea. So really it's up to each person.

I agree with the first reply! I did one party at home (quite big house and garden) with a load of 5 year olds, what a bloody nightmare!!! I told parents they could stay or go, to make it easier to those with siblings, etc.

At all other parties, 90% of parents stayed at the venue, but, just my luck, not a single one stayed when it was at my house!! As I failed to tell my kids or the invited children the rules immediately as they came in (no going upstairs, not taking food with them everywhere, etc. ) I spent the whole afternoon trying to heard them all together and to get one particularly difficult child to not destroy the entire house. I swore never again!! (And yet 5 years later DS had a party at home again but with 2 entertainers who organized games for 2 hours).

Never experienced this, so maybe not the best person to comment, however I paid out for a venue and activities, as there was no way I'd be able to host 30 Reception age children and their parents in my little home. Nor would I want to.
Perhaps some circles engage in one upmanship, but round here there has been a mixture of outdoor, indoor venue AND at home parties. Children and adults have seemed to enjoy themselves, regardless of where it's held, or what they do. 🤷🏼‍♀️

My experience is that it isn't competitive. Most people want a nice party for their dc, and they don't care what you do for your dc. I always had lots of complements on my parties done at home with food and activities I'd made. People pay for a venue for the convenience, mainly.

I spent more than I could probably afford on a softplay package for the whole class because I just don't have the physical or mental energy to organise something at mine and it was worth it just knowing it was all taken care of. It wasn't a case of competitive spending as such. On the other hand my friend who is alot better of than I am is having just a handful of kids round her house with party food and a mascot. It's whatever works for the individual.

I'm sure the other mums know I'm a single parent and not as well off but would be sad if they thought I was being "competitive"

I remember McDonalds/Burger King parties when I was a kid. I'd never have been allowed one but I did go to one or two and it was like the holy grail My parties were all at home, my auntie baked my cake and my mum did the party games. My gran would come and help out too. Bless my mum, I never really thought till now how difficult it must have been entertaining 10 kids in a (granted very large) flat, but she did stuff like thread donuts onto string and you had to eat it without using hands, etc.

I’ve got 3 kids and we’ve done all kinds of parties - soft play, pool party, magician, paintball, go karting, laser quest, Nerf war, water assault course, etc etc.

My DC’s favourite parties have been those hosted at home. It’s cheaper but so much more work so I can understand why folks who can afford it chose the expensive off site option!

I was always perfectly happy to take dc to house parties and they were happy to go.
I just didn't want to have to do all the cleaning before and afterwards in my house so a package seemed like a blessing for me.

Afraid I would never host a kid's party in my home. I don't want dozens of unruly children trashing my garden, terrifying my pets, poking around my bedroom, breaking my kids' toys and leaving me a with a mountain of cleaning up to do afterwards.

I’d say that in the last 15-20 years mine only ever went to venue parties and no one did parties at home! Sometimes a sleepover after a party though.

In all honestly, the parents who have these ‘at home simple parties’ are the wealthiest. When you have a beautiful home, can order some food from Waitrose and know it’ll be a success. I had simple parties 30 years ago but we had a big house and acres of land to play on so it was easy! The majority of people who do the opposite is because they don’t have that luxury but still want to give their kids a nice experience.