To be sad at the level of competitive spending..

[BelleMarionette]

At children's parties?

The old fashioned coming over to the family home, party games and some food and snacks seems to have disappeared.

It's now all about hiring venues, entertainers, or going to expensive places that offer packages.

I can't remember the last time my children were invited to a party in the children's house without an entertainer. Even families without a lot put on big parties.

I can't afford fancy parties, and feel embarrassed to host a 'normal' (ie just at home with food and games I organise) party.

When I was child I remember parties just being a few games or running riot in the child's home for a couple of hours.

Aibu that the norm has very much changed?

Today in the garden to the rear of us there has been a lovely at home party for a little boy… it’s been nice to hear everyone having a good time. We do majority of parties at home TBH.

Equally I know people who need to have parties at soft play for their sanity as they either don’t have time to get their house ‘party ready’ and/or don’t want the stress of having to get it so or have the time clearing up after the event, perhaps they would prefer to spend that time having quality time with their children before/after.

So it’s different strokes for different folks and what works in with your lifestyle IMHO.

I think you are rude to say people are doing big parties to compete. Maybe they are just wanting a great day for their kid. And want to make it a lovely event for their child’s friends too. Don’t assume the worst of other people just because you can’t join in.

We had a mix of mainly home parties and a few soft play/swimming ones. Nothing flash. No social media.

My kids got invited to some amazing parties. Eg at Hamleys. Stuff we could never afford. They went and had a great time. No jealousy or chips on shoulders from me.

I have other children, a dog and a busy house and preferred to outsource a party. We don’t really do big expensive parties but I did bowling for my 21 year olds 8th birthday did soft play for my now 18 year olds 4th birthday, 13,year old had an magician in the church hall catered by me aged 4/5 youngest did Safari park teepee thing about 4 I think. But otherwise birthdays have been family events really. It wasn’t about spending lots of money or outdoing anyone else,

Not everyone has a big garden for 20 kids to run around in…or a big house if the weather is wet!

Add in some parents and it’s my idea of hell!

But if I had a large house and garden I’d absolutely do this!

We did one big village hall party when DD was 5 and we felt obliged to invite whole class. Then I said that's it. I refuse to spend ridiculous ££ on a venue for numerous children DD isn't close with. For 7th, we did 8 friends squashed into downstairs room for ready made pancakes and allocated craft (which doubled for the party bag). Galaxy chocolate tray bake for £7. Then my husband took them into the alley for silly games (in December!). Easy, cheap and they loved it. Could spend the ££ but refuse to. DD has a couple of close friends so for her 8th, took them to a local activity space which was 2for1 straight after school then Mcdonalds. Done.

Parties are overrated.

Yeah, basically anyone who's able to throw a party for their child requires some resources. That could be resources in terms of space and time, both of which are expensive, and the ability to cope with people in their home. It could be financial resources to pay for a trampoline park. It could be both, if they're doing it in their home and also inviting entertainers or similar.

Obviously there's variation in the degree of resources, but even the small party OP says she'll hold in her flat still requires some.

Not competitive for me. I just do what makes my child happy. We’ve had huge parties with the whole class invited to disco etc and other parties at home. Poor dd3 missed out twice on a party due to lockdowns so had one a few months later just in the garden as weather was beautiful.
Last year I hired a hall and entertainer and invited the whole class. Last week she had a sleepover for 6 inc my two, we just made homemade pizzas, pass the parcel. Danced with glow sticks and then I took them to the Saturday morning cinema. All parties were fab and enjoyed by all.
I haven’t spent hundreds on previous parties because I am “time poor” as someone else suggested. Anyone who knows me will tell you I work hard but my kids get me 100% outside of my working hours which I should add, I fit around them and their clubs! I have spent the money because I love to see their faces so excited and that’s what I’ve worked hard for. I don’t drink or smoke etc. I like to spend my money on my kids. It’s nothing to do with competing with anyone else.

My children have always had home parties. Having balloon fights, parcel parcel, they have wonderful memories of screams of laughter playing music chairs & Simon said. Encouraging them to make pasta Jewellery, daisy chains. Food consisting of sandwiches, crisps, including jelly with cream even blancmange & ice-cream along with homemade cakes. All the parents were so impressed that the children all enjoyed themselves & I didn’t feel under any pressure to compete, why make life complicated or conform to our ever materialistic society.

I agree that things seem to have become more extravagant and this extends to things like hen/stag dos, weddings, engagement parties, gender reveals. I think it's the social media impact.

Paying someone to do it is convenient and far easier. We had an at home party last year with a bouncy castle, even with trying to keep the food to a minimum it cost more than hiring the local soft play and I had to clean up afterwards. I would think twice about doing it in future.

Is it competitive spending, or that people just don’t want a whole load of other kids in their house?

For me it’s the latter.

We recently privately hired a laser tag place for two hours for £350 and then spent about £150 on pizza & drinks. Absolutely nothing competitive about it, I just couldn’t/didn’t want to host 24 10 year olds in my home!

Absolutely this!

We don't have a garden and won't for a few years yet. 2x January birthdays make that a null point for my very angry downstairs neighbour. When we do have a house, definitely we will switch to parties at home! I don't mind the clean up, it's purely down to space for us. But we wouldn't have a whole class either...

I voted yabu because its your issue that you feel uncomfortable throwing a party at home with no entertainter not others for how they throw their party.
For my 4 year old birthday he had a softplay party because I have anxiety and couldn't cope with hosting, it was exclusive hire because I didn't want other kids their who weren't in his class and they provided the meal so I didn't have to worry about that. I wasn't competing with anyone, just did what would make my child and me happy.

So I think for a lot of families they don’t have the space to have a big party in their house. Often both parents need to work now to afford a small house so there’s not the time for the parents to get their house ready for a party or do all the prep needed to arrange party games, not to mention all the clean up after.

Much easier to rent a small hall with a bouncy castle. Not just easier but sometimes a necessity for busy working parents.

I don’t think it’s anything to do with competition.

I'm sure these people are not thinking everyone will be impressed with what they've spent. It's not being competitive.
I live in a flat, I book parties out of the house, my child doesn't have a party every single year.

I LOVE old style - pass the parcel, musical statues etc.
but…I don’t dictate or judge how others do their parties. I’m not interested in competitiveness

Slightly off-topic but while I agree that no one should feel pressured to host a party, let alone a whole class party, that they can't afford or just don't want to have, I think it's nice that many parents do whole class parties in reception/Y1. Otherwise the quieter/more overlooked children might not get any party invites and I haven't met many children that age who don't love a party. But obviously you're not going to host the whole class at home in the average UK house!

We've had at home party's and had organised partys. I defiantly prefer the latter. Its easier, stress free and my house remains in one piece. I have never done a whole class party for either of my children, I have seen the carnage that is a whole class party. Last year my son was allowed 5 friends to join us snowtubing at our local ski slope and a macdonalds afterwards. It cost under £100. My daughter had 10 friends to our local roller disco, with pizza afterwards. It cost less than £150. I think the key is not to officially 'book' a party, but to utilise the activities in your local area. It doesn't need to cost a fortune.

I think people do it for the convenience rather than competitive spending. I know I do. I really don’t want to have to clean my whole house both before and after, plus run children’s games, supply all the food etc. I work full time and just don’t have the time for it.

If a family did an “at home” party like you describe, I’d be really impressed at the effort tbh. I also think the children would really enjoy it.

The best party I was at was when I was 7, at my house. The best present I got was a pack of cards and a book on card tricks. It was my favourite party ever.
mots the simple things that matter

YABU - I would find it stressful hosting and entertaining all those kids at home. But if that’s what you’d like to do then do it - no need to judge others, you do you.

Yanbu. I had a party for my twins when they were 5! It was their first and last party! It was so expensive. They have so many friends between them so all the food, then the dj and a blue u castle, partly babe 🤦🏻‍♀️It was a fantastic party but never again ha! They are 11 now and we just tend to take them out with a friend each to an activity if they choose to but I couldn’t afford much to be honest.

*bouncy castle

party bags * ffs!!!!