To find this deeply unusual and sad?

[ToTheMax0]

Met a 39 Yr old lady the other day at a small gathering at my neighbours.
I asked if she was married with kids and she looked embarrassed and said no to neither. Later on in the evening, she admitted she had never kissed a man or dated, nothing like that. Not assexual, just nothing has ever led her to a relationship and she's scared to date online but also, not entirely interested. She went to mixed schools but was teased for being ugly and then onto an almost all female college and university. Was never into the pub and club scene as a young woman either. Just find it sad for her.

Well, ’love’ and ’love’…..
Whatever that is.

One: there is all kinds of ’love’, it doesn’t have to be man-woman-relationship or only anout some dude sticking his dick into a woman.

Two: how many so called romantic relationships actually has any ’love’ in it? Not that many.

I don’t think putting relationships or having kids so high on the pedestal is a good idea, many times these things just bring misery into womens lives. Or get women to make horrible choices.

What the actual fuck have I just read.

Not having a relationship is 'equal' to being raped and abused.

I honestly fucking despair sometimes.

I don't think you understand what you're saying.

You have absolutely no idea of my life experiences at all.

Your assertation that someone being single, and someone being raped are 'equally' sad is abbhorrent and something you should probably seek some help with tbh.

If people are married and have children, they will normally tell you of their own accord, if that’s what they want to discuss as ‘small talk’.
Why was it important for you to know, OP? If she’d been married with kids presumably you’d have deemed her normal and friend worthy, instead you’ve decided she’s pitiful. You’ve been a)intrusive b)judgmental.
Are you aware some of the most impressive women in history have been unmarried with no kids? Would you find Queen Elizabeth 1 or Jane Austen pitiable too?

I never do! I might ask what a woman does for a living, a few follow-up questions about careers, questions about current affairs. I’ve never been especially interested in other people’s domestic arrangements 🤷‍♀️

Agree with a lot of PP’s - the partner and kids comes up in conversation naturally. It’s not an opening question.

In this situation - meeting someone at a neighbours social gathering - there’s so conversation openers without getting personal straight away.

And then using that private conversation to come onto an internet forum putting this woman - very bad form

How judgemental and frankly nosey of you! Asking her questions like this when it’s none of your business, you’d only just met and she seemed embarrassed…and then using it as online ‘gossip’. Get a life!

Asking if a woman is married or has kids shouldn't be "social chit chat" – it's none of your business and she shouldn't need to explain why she doesn't to you. These subjects (particularly kids) can be very upsetting and sensitive issues for many women and you don't have a right to this information unless the person you're speaking to decides to share it with you. Find other things to talk about.

I wouldn’t muse over this, it’s someone’s life. Yeah maybe you feel it’s sad but I hope you didn’t show it to her. I’m sure would have felt really condescending if she sensed that…

Get in there & show her what she’s missing then because that s what your really asking am I being unreasonable to want to ask her out !! No your not

But this just begs the question why is it/would it be sad?
Shouldn’t we move on already from the thinking that single and chilfree/less women are sad, living a sad life in their sadness.

I would never, ever ask anyone if they are married or have children. Never know what the background might be.

Exactly.

Usually if they are, they'll bring it up naturally. If they don't, I'd never ask.

I'm particularly aware of it as I'm a single parent, and I really don't like talking casually about my situation.

How rude and shallow of you to be sad for her!!!!!!

To reach that age without sex is sad.

I guess it comes across as patronising of me to almost imply that a woman can’t be happen in this situation….I was deeply unhappy before I met DH but I have a lot of respect for women who are happy in their own skin and independent enough to enjoy life without a partner, I guess I find women like this a bit of an enigma. But the reason I thought it was condescending in this case though was that the woman seemed uncomfortable being asked the questions so maybe they hit a nerve? Either way, it’s not something I’d ever ask anyone. It’s either going to be a painful subject or one that is going to leave the person feeling pissed off…

@Thepeopleversuswork

Grow up

Oh fgs. So many people on this thread who can't think beyond their own likes. So lacking in imagination. What if, what if someone doesn't like sex? You like it? Great. Go wild.
Think of something you don't enjoy. Let's say hypothetically that's playing golf. Do you think it would be strange if someone who loved golf thought you were deeply sad, after all you must be if you don't like golf, because they love golf.

I got married age 32, but once I got to mid/late 20s I got so many intrusive questions about my marital status, people made me feel small - as if I’d missed the boat and/or was undesirable otherwise I would have been ‘snapped up by now’.

So I would never ask a stranger if she’s married, it feels like a judgemental question

Yes, this.

Mind your own business.

I can't say i've asked anyone their marital status or whether they have kids on a first meet and i meet a lot of people. Might be hard to believe but there is so much other social chit chat to talk about. It's usually the kind of information people will drop casually in conversation.