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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want a flashy car to fit in?

315 replies

Lustingovercar · 27/05/2023 20:42

I currently have a small- medium sized EV. Not a premium or anything. Really could do with a longer range EV or go back to ICE. (We no longer fly so holidays are exclusively drive and EV is a bit tricky - current range is 120 miles but on motorway get less than 100) Also have 3 DC and two large dogs so it’s hard to fit in current one.

We live in an area where cars do matter. There’s a lot of premium brands in our area, on school runs etc. I would like to be seen in a big beautiful car (just being honest here because I can on MN!) however I like the fact that my EV is better for the environment. We can afford a big LR Discovery and it would be easier for the kids etc BUT should I really just buy one to fit in?

Lots of mums who lunch/ swishy hair/ large premium SUVs in my area. I work, and drive a small car. I can’t help feeling that I’d fit in a bit more (and, yes, find it easier to make friends) if I had the ‘right’ car.

Please be kind, as I’m just being honest and seeing what people think..

OP posts:
chickawhoo · 28/05/2023 09:17

@AsphaltGirl i mean if you see waving as a personality trait then ok. I don't see anything on my post that suggests anyone basing their personality on what they drive.

People who read into things and infer what they want to from it though? That is mind boggling Wink

Original poster
Lustingovercar · 28/05/2023 09:23

BungleandGeorge · 27/05/2023 22:06

I honestly don’t Think people really care that much what car you drive. Don’t kid yourself that EV are much better for the environment, if your car honestly doesn’t meet your needs then change it, they’re all bad for the environment though!

I would be interested to know why you don’t think my EV is better for the environment.

OP posts:
Original poster
Lustingovercar · 28/05/2023 09:24

picturethispatsy · 28/05/2023 09:09

Do you live in Cheshire by any chance OP?!

Nope!

OP posts:
hopeishere · 28/05/2023 09:33

@Ozgirl75 it was hard for DS as he wanted to be in the "party car" instead of on his own with me.

IAteAllTheTomatoes · 28/05/2023 09:40

If you are old enough to have a driver's license and 3 kids, you are too old to be feeling peer pressure.

Grow up. If you want unnecessary items to fit in, what hell are you teaching your children. They will get their self confidence and sense of worth from you & if you don't feel like you're "enough", how on earth will they?

Newname47 · 28/05/2023 09:45

There is a lot to be said for having a car that gets you into the lift shares, and I say that as someone with a smaller one! We have more of a juggle to leave kids at home with the other parent to offer lifts than if we had a couple of spare seats and offering a lift to someone is a great way to break the ice. That said, I do like an older car because who wants to get the first scratch on a new one?

Anyway, are you sure everyone is that shallow or is it mostly in your head? If you're sure they are I would definitely move so your kids don't grow up in that too. If not, you're better off working on your confidence with a professional.

Shade17 · 28/05/2023 09:55

KnittedCardi · 27/05/2023 23:00

Rise above it OP and buy a Mini. The really cool people drive Minis, they are stylish, fast, compact, economical, and you don't look like a try too hard twat driving one.

MINIs are great, only issue is that the fast ones aren’t economical and the economical ones aren’t fast 🤣

LlynTegid · 28/05/2023 09:58

Have some personal dignity and consideration for the environment and do not stoop to the level of others in the area. People like that are probably making up for other inadequacies (to misquote, this is a family show).

NosyHamster · 28/05/2023 10:00

Can people be a bit kinder to the OP please? She’s been very honest and is feeling a bit low at the moment. There is nothing wrong with wanting to fit in.

gogohmm · 28/05/2023 10:02

Good for being honest but I don't think the right car will solve your fitting in issues. These women who are cliquey will always find something "wrong" with those who aren't part of their set. Find your own tribe!

As so the car for your family needs, that's different, what would suit your family

gogohmm · 28/05/2023 10:06

@whirlyswirly

Here too, mud, seagull poo, leaf litter - my neighbour is out washing his sports car 3 x a week as the seagulls living on the neighbouring block use his as target practice! I have everything from a mcClaren p1 to a battered old Honda jazz in my street, yes he parks it on the street!

gogohmm · 28/05/2023 10:14

By the @Lustingovercar, I lived in a village with incredibly cliquey mums, no car, nails, eyebrows, clothing brand would have changed their opinion, it's just why village life sucks.

I live now on a fairly swanky marina development but we often go drinking in the old part of town, they are surprised "marina folk" go there but the people there are nicer!!! There's people out there who are nice and friendly

WandaWonder · 28/05/2023 10:19

So has anyone actually judged you or made comments or is this some weird thing you have come up with yourself?

You don't need a car to fit in, you either need to stop judging others by your standards or find new friends if they are actually judging you

Divorcedalongtime · 28/05/2023 10:25

I’m with you on this. My car is old but it’s big and stands out, I would never entertain getting a tiny car for lots of reasons, but appearances is one.

listsandbudgets · 28/05/2023 10:27

No... Next you'll need wanting to join their hideously expensive gym and go out for lunch and breakfast with them. Fitting in js far more than swishy hair and a car. Enjoy who you are. If they want you about they'll let you know regardless of your car.

Financially we could easily afford the life style you want we even have the land rover.
but I've tried it and it bored me witless whilst draining my pocket. My best friend has a small reliable car and swishy hair would be anathema to her

Beezknees · 28/05/2023 10:29

Of course YABU. Why on earth would you want friends that only want to be friends with you for superficial reasons?

I'm a single working mum living in a housing association flat, getting Universal credit. I don't even own a car at all. I do not give a shiny shite about this "keeping up appearances" nonsense.

Working on your self esteem should be a priority for you rather than a fancy car.

Beezknees · 28/05/2023 10:32

Oh and I have a teenager and I did not make one single friend at the school gates during the whole time he was at primary. I had little in common with any of them and I wasn't going to force friendships just because our kids went to the same school. It's better to find friends through shared interests if you can.

Pahpahpotato · 28/05/2023 10:34

Well, yes you’re being unreasonable, and somewhat judgemental and sniffy about the ‘others’ not working, and not outright owning their cars (not that you could know that!) among other things. You don’t even sound like you like the women you profess to want to be friends with.
Your car sounds shit (that range is appalling!) so who could blame you for getting a new one, but the notion of buying a car to ‘fit in’ is a bit.. well, embarrassing.

WithManyTot · 28/05/2023 10:37

I have just changed form a 15 year old 120K+ miles diesel hatchback that I owned from new, to a nearly new 'flashy premium brand' electric SUV that cost more than my first house when it was new.

I chose the new car because it was interesting and I liked it, but it has made 0.00000000000000% difference to the school carpark, and I 0.0000000000% care.

No new people have spoken to me, no old people stopped talking to me. The school carpark has cars in it from <£1K to >£100K.

If you want a new car for yourself, buy one, don't buy one if you think or want too change other peoples perception of you...

onefinemess · 28/05/2023 10:38

Lustingovercar · 28/05/2023 09:23

I would be interested to know why you don’t think my EV is better for the environment.

Show quote history

Have you ever seen what Lithium mining does to the environment?

Your "green" EV, is a greenwash.

The carbon footprint of building your EV is not much less than an ICE. But the damage done to the local area around the mines is always ignored. Also, currently there is no commercially viable means of disposing of used EV batteries. You have to pay specliast recycling firms, cheapest I could find was £625 for disposal of a 2009 Nissan Leaf.

The biggest issue, which politicians, JSO, and the green lobby just won't talk about, is the scale of mining necessary to replace ICE vehicles (which only includes passenger cars by the way, not industry).
We would have to, as a minimum, increase lithium mining by just shy of 1000% from today's levels. Yeah, 1000%.

And while countries like the US actually have enough lithium in their own mountains, they will never have 20,000 open cast mines scarring the landscape, they would rather China did it instead.

EV's are not the future of anything and ten years from now will be acknowledged for the white elephants they are.

Population reduction is the future. We simply have too many people on the planet. Only a brutally strict curb in the number of children will save the planet.

faffadoodledo · 28/05/2023 10:40

whirlyswirly · 27/05/2023 20:50

I'm so glad I live where I do. Everyone has a car full of sand round here. And scratches from narrow lanes.

I think you must live where I do!
That said we do now have a new EV and I feel weirdly out of place! Too flashy for my environment!

faffadoodledo · 28/05/2023 10:41

And @Lustingovercar I think you're being gloriously honest. Ignore posters like the one who called you a d@ck.
But I am very very curious as to your whereabouts!

Fairislefandango · 28/05/2023 10:44

We live in an area where cars do matter.

In any area only some people think cars matter as a status thing. You get to choose whether to be a person who buys into that bullshit or not. It's fine to want a nice car because you actually genuinely appreciate nice cars. Personally I don't give a monkey's about car brands.

polkadotdalmation · 28/05/2023 10:46

So you live in the south by any chance? I encountered this a lot there. Moved. Much happier.

BlueKaftan · 28/05/2023 10:49

3 children, 2 dogs…..by my way of thinking you’ve already got too much!