“You’re a bit scary”

[Wtfishappeningandwhy]

What does this mean? What does it mean if someone thinks you are scary? I feel like I’m just a normal person but I’ve been told this twice by friends in my life.

It’s really a rather rude thing to say. I know people who are quite formidable, usually very intelligent, stand for no nonsense and forthright, but underneath it are often really quite kind, I’ve found. Perhaps it is that?

I meant to post this in “chat”

It just means you're not conforming to female stereotypes of being soft and fluffy all the time. Perhaps, heaven forbid, you have some boundaries. Good for you.

Any context as to when this was said?

I’ve been told this too. Now I hang out with braver people.

Ask them

My sister is “a bit scary”

my brother and I both agree. We love her deeply but she’s very impatient and easily irritated

I get told this. Sod them, frankly.

I've been told this and when explained its because I stand up for myself. If something isn't right I say so (politely, but I'm firm)

Depends….

Are you of an imposing build?
Do you have a resting bitch face?
(I have both of the above)

Do you ask straight pointed questions?
Are you good at calling out bullshit?
Do you take no prisoners?

Have you had a tough life, and perhaps it’s made you a tough person?

Are you a strong negotiator?

none of these are faults, just reasons why some people can be intimidated. I think as long as you don’t go out of your way to intimidate people, you’ve nothing to change or be worried about.

it doesn’t mean that in other situations you aren’t the warm and fluffy grandparent, etc etc.

in business I was considered scary - anyone who knows me - knows I’m a giant softie with weak spots all over. We are who we are.

It might mean you are fierce. Or have strong opinions. Or are very capable. I wouldn't necessarily take it as an insult.

Usually it means the person is rude and confrontational.

Depends on context really. The sort of people I know who are "scary", are rough as fuck and would kick the shit out of you in an Asda car park for a minor transgression, or burn your house down with you in it. That's scary.

Assertive/successful people can be intimidating. But I wouldn't describe them as scary.

Only you know where you lie on the scale of rough to formidable.

I get told this all the time. I'm soft as anything underneath and actually very sensitive, I just have a hard, straight talking exterior!

I get told this. I’m neither rude nor confrontational, but if you overstep the mark I won’t shy away from conveying my displeasure.

I also have a fantastic resting bitch face.

No-one here knows what it means in reference to you as we don't know you.

It means you take no shit and aren't all ' pink and fluffy ' like women are meant to be 🙄

I've got a cousin who apparently is 'scarey'
just means she's really good at her boundaries and has a heart of gold.

yep. Next time someone says this to you, ask them what they mean?

Context is key

Had you just beaten someone to death with a shovel?

Or was it say in a shop where you confronted an assistant and stood your ground?

Or do you dress like a goth/punk/robot?

IMO when I've thought this about people they've been aggressive, confrontational or controlling in some way. For example, my friend after a few drinks gets really snappy and shouts at me about ridiculous things like apparently I didn't spend enough money in the restaurant for her liking so it led to her verbally attacking me... among other examples.

That's the reason she's no longer a friend.

Well it could mean you take no crap, are straight talking and direct.

Or it could mean you’re intimidating because you are prone to violence, walk a fine line between being direct and nasty, and are unpredictable.

I know people that fall into both of these camps and find the second group scary.

I’ve been called this and yet I’m a very gentle, even person with a calm temperament all of the time. I do have a low bar for bullshit and people with no integrity though, I will call it out and speak plainly (in a calm way). Some people really find that challenging and ‘scary’.

I think it is usually people that have a negative vibe as life is seen as a battle. Context is probably key though, I mean what, who, where?

Loving these replies! I’m not prone to violence and I shy away from confrontation- however I don’t stand for any nonsense if pushed and will always stick up for myself and whoever I love - also not afraid of being vocal about my values. I’m quite girly, skirts and flowers etc but also strong and capable. I probably have a spectacular resting bitch face 😂 I am an introvert really, definitely not the loud one at a party, in fact I will try anything to avoid going to the party!

You sound great.