“You’re a bit scary”

[Wtfishappeningandwhy]

What does this mean? What does it mean if someone thinks you are scary? I feel like I’m just a normal person but I’ve been told this twice by friends in my life.

I've been called scary and unpredictable I can smile and verbally lash out at the same time.
My ex h said when I hugged him once I was looking for the best place to stick a knife in. Well, he was an abusive drunk and the thought crossed my mind times several.
I'm very feminine to look at, dresses and make up, I just have a dark interior.

i someone is telling you that you’re a “bit scary”, you really can’t be all that “scary”

I would be too frightened to tell the one person who I do think is a “bit scary”

if you say to someone “you’re scary” then indicates to me that they’re not scared of you to feel comfortable enough to say that

Same. I'm often told I'm scary (see also the redhead trope 'fiery').

I'm not the type who says 'ooh I tell it how I see it me,' and then roasts someone, etc but if I have a problem with something I will deal with it.

I am intolerant of poor service, for example, but I give people a chance to rectify. However if the poor service continues I will pursue a solution until the matter is resolved to my satisfaction. I do my best to be courteous and polite but apparently my inability to just let things slide and suck things up is what makes me 'scary'.

They say this about me too
Just let it wash over you or turn into a meek and mild little woman who never says a word let alone let answer back or challenge poor behaviour if any kind.
Thankfully I'm of the age where I couldn't care less

@CandyLeBonBon

see also the redhead trope 'fiery'

When my husband was 14, his father said it was time to give him 'some advice about women'. This turned out to consist of: 1. Avoid redheads and Welsh women, as these have bad tempers. 2. Never put anything in writing. I have red hair, but I'm not Welsh.

Translation - you are not fitting into the ‘nice girl’ box we assigned you. Know your place.

Say what you think the world won’t stop turning, a bit of authenticity! If we all stopped being so ‘Nice’ our dds may actually have a decent chance of equality in the future. I won’t hold my breath.

Someone once said that to me, and I said thank you very much - it genuinely made my day as a recovering people pleaser.

Did the op ever clarify whether male or female said it?

i am female
the one person I think is scary is female
nothing to do with her not fitting “nice girl” persona and everything to do with her being very impatient and with a poisonous tongue.

I would take it as a massive compliment.

Other women can be the worst for this type of judgement and expectation. No gender stereotypes required thanks.

Being poisonous and impatient are hardly crimes of the century. Maybe she needs those skills to survive her life, why not find out who she is before you jump to conclusions?

Hmm . I've been told this. I think having full sleeve tattoos, hand tattoos, bad eye contact (visual impairment) and a naturally radgy resting facial expression contributes to it. And a lot of black clothes/fairly masculine utilitarian style. It was even worse when I had a No1 length shaved head for a long time 😂

Truth is I'm introverted and quite soft. But I'd most definitely speak my mind if boundaries are pushed. I honestly think boundary-pushers can sniff this out; hence why they accuse people of being scary (IE knowing their usual shit won't wash..).

People I consider scary are unpredictable and loud, or clearly on drugs, or that brand of topically pleasant yet actually deeply insidious religious folk who act normal but have a hidden agenda which eventually gets pushed .. Or people with nothing to lose by being shitty with others.

I'm gonna assume that if you are truly ok with who you are being, then you wouldn't be asking.

Yeah, it can be because you are a woman who doesn't conform to stereotype.

Or it could be your friends trying to kindly let you know you are coming across as a bully/arse/controller.

Only you can ever know the truth. I say this as someone who believed I was being a good, straight-forward, truthful friend. I was apparently being a 'call a spade a fucking shovel' arse.

I am grateful to the two friends who took the time to point this out to me. Without them being scary at all.

On the other hand, I've publicly called out arseholes, online and in-person in the past - never been called scary. Except maybe by them. And they would, wouldn't they?

Who said being impatient and having a poisonous tongue was “crime of the century”

a “bit scary” is hardly “crime of the century”

and ”a bit scary” is what this thread is about. And that is how I think of this person (my sister)

Find out who she is?

she’s my sister
i love her
we are very close

but I do find her “a bit scary”

So what? I don’t actually get your point. Do what if she is scary?

I’m confused

So I think best to leave it! 😂

I don’t understand your issue with scary or why it matters your sister is scary. I am noticing that you call her ‘poisonous’ which doesn’t automatically scream support or admiration. Just saying.

poisonous “tongue”

Not poisonous

when riled, she will go for the jugular

my brother and I - never would

It doesn’t “matter”

but given the title thread…

And I am really beginning to see why she goes for the jugular……

A poisonous ‘tongue’ doesn’t sound any better or any less judgemental.

I would think it means you don’t take any sht and you stand up for yourself (and others). I’d see it as a roundabout compliment from someone who wishes they didn’t take sht.

Apologies for the bold, forgot about the asterisk thing!

I don't think people actually mean you're scary, I think they mean you won't be messed about and will call people out when necessary so assertive with boundaries. This could include asking that awkward question at work in a team meeting or sending an unsatisfactory meal back...that sort of thing.
Of course it could be that you're defensive aggressive or impatient usually resulting in rudeness but it's much more likely to be the first.

😬