“You’re a bit scary”

[Wtfishappeningandwhy]

What does this mean? What does it mean if someone thinks you are scary? I feel like I’m just a normal person but I’ve been told this twice by friends in my life.

I’ve been told I’m scary quite a bit throughout my life. I’m also intimidating, apparently, despite being 5 ft 2, tiny and pretty well liked. I take it as a compliment. It basically just means you’ve got your own mind and you don’t take any shit. Some people find women who have boundaries and opinions of their own quite terrifying.

This.

This. She sounds like a bit of a dick really.

I’m not seeing it, but I guess that’s the point, she’s not going to appeal to everyone. She doesn’t need you to like her 🤷🏻‍♀️

Does it always mean this though? I had a friend who was 'scary'; if you were 1 minute late then you'd be dreading turning up as you'd be met with a snarling face and inpatient air about her. If you were out for a meal, if your fork accidentally made that scraping noise, you'd be met with a death stare. I could give bumerous othet examples. Just a very unpleasant and quite scary person if you did some misdemeanor that pissed her off.

Depends who says it and why really.

In some circumstances I'd be gutted to hear this, but in others I'd probably take it as a compliment

Or being called aggressive when you're merely being assertive

It’s a cowardly insult - the person who is calling you that wants to insult you but for he/she to be seen as a victim rather than bitchy.

Ime people who others decribe as scary have their own ideas, opinions and will stand up for themselves which is good but many people do that more successfully and without being "scary", the scary ones do it with such poor communication skills other people do not want to, or cannot engage with them.

It is usually communication skills the "scary" person needs to develop.

I got told this at work by one girl I worked with, we actually became good friends. I’ve got resting bitch face!

This describes me to a tee. Been in current job for 18 mtgs and a colleague told me this twice st about 6 months in I was really offended

Definitely one of those statements that says more about the person who says it than the person who they say it about. Unless you are displaying violence of course.

A scary woman often equates to an assertive woman. Basically people don’t like it when you show negative emotions and we are all supposed to be stereotypically weak and timid. Get new friends!

I'd take that as a compliment!

Yep I've been told this too, it usually means I have good boundaries and don't tend to tolerate people's bullshit.

Funnily when I was younger and quite vulnerable and a massive people pleaser I never got told this.

Sticking up for yourself and speaking up for yourself doesn't make one scary

But when you get verbally abusive about things. Well.. that's when people will get scared of you.

It depends massively on context.

I used to find my mil ‘abit scary’

She is manipulative and wants everyone to agree with her & sing her praises.
If you dare to disagree with her on anything, she gets very defensive & is confrontational about the most ridiculous things. The thing is, she will often say things like ‘I don’t take any shit’ and ‘I’m one of the nicest people I know’
In reality, she is a bully, she’s nasty about people (especially to other women), envious & self absorbed. Dh used to step on egg shells around her, till one day, he didn’t, then all hell broke loose. We barely see her now & I no longer find her scary or intimidating because I’ve lost any respect I had for her. I just find her abit sad, as everyone ends up pulling away from her. Even her own children.

Yes, me too. Boundaries, not wishy washy and probably have some solid principles too.

I've NC for this.
I too have been called scary quite a lot through my life, although a lot less in the last few years.
I can say I was giving 'back the fuck off' vibes, I was aggressive at times and definitely had a gob on me.
This was my coping mechanism to abuse. Along with alcohol and drugs.
Christ knows how I held jobs tbh.
So when a woman is giving bravado take a minute to wonder if this is her armour?
Obviously people are arseholes, yes I was an arsehole. With CPTSD that I had no idea what to do with.

@Justforthekick sorry to hear you had a difficult time. That said people should not allow or stand for abusive behaviour just because of the person's background. No excuse for abuse as they say. Hopefully you are now getting treatment and can move forwards in a more healthily way.

I have been told this a couple of times in a context where it is clear the person thinks they are giving me a compliment. It’s not a compliment and I find it hurtful. Often when people say this they are referring to behaviour (e.g. assertiveness or directness) that would pass completely without comment in a man.

The three people I can think of that may be described as scary are rude, aggressive and confrontational in tone and bullies. They would probably describe and pride themselves on 'telling it like it is' and 'sticking up for what I believe in'.

Well, no, you can be firm and direct without being a rude arsehole.

If I was described as scary, I would feel terrible about how I'd come across to someone.

My family told me I am 'ferocious'. It meant I don't conform to what they want of me. I don't see them anymore.

I get this.

I'm autistic

We have the same sister!