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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be pissed of with this re sleeping arrangements?

408 replies

shestakingtheurine · 26/05/2023 22:20

I'm going to a friends hen do at the end of June. I have known this friend since I was at secondary school so we have developed different friends over the years so I'm only vaguely familiar with the other ladies going. The maid of honour has done all the booking and is now asking for the money for the accommodation she's booked except she's sent link to the air bnb she has booked and it's only got three bedrooms and three double beds for seven people. I questioned this if she had made a mistake or are we supposed to be sharing beds and she said yes. Aibu to not want to share a bed with a virtual stranger? Would you pay up or back out? I feel like I've been put in a difficult position now as if I don't pay the others price will go up so I can't even find my own accommodation. I honestly feel sick.

OP posts:
Peachy2005 · 29/05/2023 15:18

She’s a bully. Just say you’ll be finding alternative accommodation and not paying for theirs unless the accommodation is changed.

Peachy2005 · 29/05/2023 15:18

If she uninvites you, it’s no big loss!

TrippinEdBalls · 29/05/2023 15:18

(And it is effectively illegal - I doubt they'd have a leg to stand on if they tried to get you to pay the balance. In fact you could possibly sue for any cash you have handed over.)

Don't be so completely ridiculous. It's a group of young women going on a weekend together, no one should be or will be suing anyone 🙄

I think your best option is to pull out and hope that they'll all suck up the extra cost, OP. You clearly do not have the weight of the group's opinion behind you and the more you go on about this the more you're going to sour the atmosphere.

Cosyblankets · 29/05/2023 15:24

shestakingtheurine · 29/05/2023 13:26

The maid of honour and the bride lived together during university so the moh is probably assuming that they will share and this is why she isn't volunteering to take the air bed or the sofa 😂

Offer to share with the bride see what moh says

Mirabai · 29/05/2023 15:27

If it were me and I’d known the bride since I was 11 I’d text her:
as we’re all sharing beds at the hen, will you share with me as I don’t know the other women?

And hope MoH gets the lilo.

Mirabai · 29/05/2023 15:27

Cosyblankets · 29/05/2023 15:24

Offer to share with the bride see what moh says

Show quote history

Yes.

BaiesRosesAmbre · 29/05/2023 17:14

Oh fgs. I commented earlier in this thread - have since read some replies and some people are being ridiculously harsh to the organiser and assuming all sorts about her character and the situation. Classic mumsnet.

I also think some people are so uptight. I get it’s a far from ideal situation, the question should have been asked before it was booked rather than just assuming it would be ok to share beds. But it wasn’t and now this is your situation. OP, you either go or cancel but it would be ludicrous in my opinion to not go and ruin your friendship with the bride all for the sake of a bed for two nights. You will manage just fine and you never know, might even have fun!

FWIW I slept on an air bed last time I went on a hen for 3 nights (gasp!) and paid my fair share along with everyone else. I just don’t find it a big deal and nor did anyone else sharing with people/on sofa beds.

It literally will be fine. As I said, I get it’s far from ideal but i think this thread is getting a bit silly now lol

JT12 · 29/05/2023 17:55

I replied earlier and said I wouldn’t want to share a double bed with anyone I didn’t know. I wouldn’t mind sleeping on the sofa or an air bed though. Why don’t you suggest that. It would be a pity to fall out over it and ruin the hen night. I think the MOH is probably easy going and doesn’t mind sharing a bed so hasn’t realised it is such an issue. I would hate it but I doubt she has set out to ruin anyone’s night. Either cancel and book alternative accommodation or go along and take a sleeping bag or blow up bed. I am sure you will still have a fun weekend

Emotionalsupportviper · 29/05/2023 20:15

TrippinEdBalls · 29/05/2023 15:18

(And it is effectively illegal - I doubt they'd have a leg to stand on if they tried to get you to pay the balance. In fact you could possibly sue for any cash you have handed over.)

Don't be so completely ridiculous. It's a group of young women going on a weekend together, no one should be or will be suing anyone 🙄

I think your best option is to pull out and hope that they'll all suck up the extra cost, OP. You clearly do not have the weight of the group's opinion behind you and the more you go on about this the more you're going to sour the atmosphere.

I'm not suggesting that OP does sue - what I am saying is that as the booking is for SIX people, having a SEVENTH in the accommodation is illegal. They therefore have NO GROUNDS for insisting that she pay the balance, and if they tried to put pressure on her she could point out that THEY are the ones in the wrong.

OP doesn't have to "hope that they'll all suck up the extra cost". They have no right even to any cash she has already paid. You are the one being ridiculous.

Emotionalsupportviper · 29/05/2023 20:18

BaiesRosesAmbre · 29/05/2023 17:14

Oh fgs. I commented earlier in this thread - have since read some replies and some people are being ridiculously harsh to the organiser and assuming all sorts about her character and the situation. Classic mumsnet.

I also think some people are so uptight. I get it’s a far from ideal situation, the question should have been asked before it was booked rather than just assuming it would be ok to share beds. But it wasn’t and now this is your situation. OP, you either go or cancel but it would be ludicrous in my opinion to not go and ruin your friendship with the bride all for the sake of a bed for two nights. You will manage just fine and you never know, might even have fun!

FWIW I slept on an air bed last time I went on a hen for 3 nights (gasp!) and paid my fair share along with everyone else. I just don’t find it a big deal and nor did anyone else sharing with people/on sofa beds.

It literally will be fine. As I said, I get it’s far from ideal but i think this thread is getting a bit silly now lol

the question should have been asked before it was booked rather than just assuming it would be ok to share beds. But it wasn’t and now this is your situation.

I think though that to make an assumption that there would be enough beds - even if people were happy to share - is not unreasonable. Three double beds only accommodates six people. Had there been four double beds, or three and a single, then although unpleasant, it wouldn't have caused problems because there would be enough sleeping spaces.

sheworemellowyellow · 29/05/2023 20:44

Fuck this shit, OP. You need to channel your inner 40yo self and say and do what you think is right. Don’t be rude, don’t make it difficult, but don’t let yourself be pushed around by a 24yo fit who can’t think straight and doesn’t give a shit about you.

You’re taking your own air bed, you won’t get a bedroom to sleep in, god knows what the bathroom arrangements will be, you’ll be the last to get to bed in a messy living room and you’ll be woken each time a drunk woman comes down to get a drink of water, you’ll have to wake up when the first comes down for breakfast, you’ll have no privacy, god knows if the living room has curtains or a door….it’s beyond ridiculous that you should pay an equal amount as all the others. And, if it’s not you, it’d be one of the others on the air bed. It’s a matter of principal, it’s not personal to you.

TELL the MoH on the group chat what you will be paying and why, and TELL them that you will take no responsibility if there’s any come back about 7 people sleeping in the property. Lay it all out before any of it happens. Assert yourself. The MoH seems to be having no problem doing so, channel her if you need to.

AlfietheSchnauzer · 29/05/2023 21:10

shestakingtheurine · 29/05/2023 13:26

The maid of honour and the bride lived together during university so the moh is probably assuming that they will share and this is why she isn't volunteering to take the air bed or the sofa 😂

You need to drop out OP. I'm massively getting the vibe that they don't want you there and I'd be feeling like a sore thumb. She'll be pushing you out of all the activities "Oh sorry I only booked 6 tickets"
Fuck that! Just tell the bride you'll see her on her wedding day

Cosyblankets · 29/05/2023 21:14

Are you all chipping in for the bride or is she paying her own way

sianyflewog · 30/05/2023 15:00

I feel like they probably should’ve asked you if you minded sharing, but perhaps they think you’ll share with your friend (the bride)? It wouldn’t bother me at all and I don’t think it’s unusual for this to be the arrangement - I’ve been on several hens and shared with girls that were complete strangers, no issue.

Thatleadsingersbiggestfan · 30/05/2023 18:06

shestakingtheurine · 26/05/2023 22:22

I'm paying 200 pound to share a fucking bed .

Absolutely no effing way. Tell her no.

Mamabear48 · 30/05/2023 22:07

I would absolutely refuse I hate bed sharing. Even with my 5 year old 😂 I like my space. I would just sleep on the sofa assuming there is one in the air b and b or bring it up with the group to change the accommodation

Chickapee · 30/05/2023 22:37

I wouldn't want to share either but it's so awkward that she hasn't explained properly and she's actually been really inconsiderate of that fact that you don't all know eachother well

ohdamnitjanet · 01/06/2023 16:53

Not in a MILLION years. I won’t share a room with a sister even, never mind a bed. I’m not 5.

Blondeshavemorefun · 01/06/2023 18:51

shestakingtheurine · 29/05/2023 11:21

She says the accommodation could be swapped but the other one with enough beds is further out and unfortunately everyone else is happy with the accommodation that's already booked 😒

She said this on the group wats app or private message

Have uou said on the group app you aren't happy to share a bed - is everyone else ok ?

MeridaBrave · 01/06/2023 19:49

If it’s in the uk and driving there I’d take a mattress of some sort. Even if it’s abroad I’d rather sleep on my gym mat than share a bed with someone.

HarrietJet · 02/06/2023 10:32

Mamabear48 · 30/05/2023 22:07

I would absolutely refuse I hate bed sharing. Even with my 5 year old 😂 I like my space. I would just sleep on the sofa assuming there is one in the air b and b or bring it up with the group to change the accommodation

I imagine there'll be a stampede to the sofa, op will have to join the queue 😂
I can't believe any of them are really ok with this.

Original poster
shestakingtheurine · 01/09/2023 09:25

I just thought I would update this. I sucked it up and took an airbed and the 7th woman who wasn't supposed to stay, suprise suprise she slept on the sofa and it turns out she didn't pay a penny and then had the cheek to message us all and ask for £4 each back for an Uber that she paid for whilst we were there 😡. She was a bridesmaid as well and even messaged the bride for the £4!

OP posts:
T1Dmama · 01/09/2023 09:32

I hope you all told her to give you her share of the hotel
cost! What a bitch

ChilledBeez · 01/09/2023 11:33

What a horror and a skin flint. I hate reading stories like this as it's depressing to know how people like her can ruin things for everybody with their unreasonable behaviour. -- Expect nothing from people and if you do get anything it will be a nice surprise.

SamW98 · 01/09/2023 12:01

Honestly how does these people get through life being such freeloading skinflints?

Not paying towards the accommodation bad enough but having the brass neck to ask for the Uber fare - what a CF.

At the very least she should have arrived bearing food and drinks as a thank you for letting me stay.