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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be pissed of with this re sleeping arrangements?

408 replies

shestakingtheurine · 26/05/2023 22:20

I'm going to a friends hen do at the end of June. I have known this friend since I was at secondary school so we have developed different friends over the years so I'm only vaguely familiar with the other ladies going. The maid of honour has done all the booking and is now asking for the money for the accommodation she's booked except she's sent link to the air bnb she has booked and it's only got three bedrooms and three double beds for seven people. I questioned this if she had made a mistake or are we supposed to be sharing beds and she said yes. Aibu to not want to share a bed with a virtual stranger? Would you pay up or back out? I feel like I've been put in a difficult position now as if I don't pay the others price will go up so I can't even find my own accommodation. I honestly feel sick.

OP posts:
Macinae · 29/05/2023 09:53

I would only share a bed with my best friend, no one else and certainly not strangers.

How do the rest of the group feel about it? Is there a chat set up with you all in? If you want to go I'd ask whether there's any alternative accommodation. MOH should have really checked this with people. But if you don't want to go this is your out.

Airspice · 29/05/2023 10:23

It wouldn’t bother me in the slightest. I’ve been to girlie nights away with various friends for events and been asked ‘do you mind sharing a room with xxxx, she’s very nice’ and I’ve agreed immediately. It’s just one (or two) nights, it’s likely to be a late night, it’s just sleeping, and I get on with anyone! BUT…..I can understand why some wouldn’t be keen. Depends how much she means to you and how much you want to go x

Emotionalsupportviper · 29/05/2023 10:32

ASGIRC · 28/05/2023 19:41

Heh, my hobby is really expensive, so sharing hotel rooms and bed has become a standard in my life.
I dont even care if they are male or female, if I know them or not!
Its just a bed to sleep. It will be fine.

What do you think will happen to you?!

You are happy to share with any random stranger - good for you!

Most people aren't. It isn't necessarily that we "think something will happen to us" - it's that sharing a bed is very intimate and personal and WE JUST DON'T WANT TO!.

I dare say that there are things that I would be happy with that you wouldn't - I wouldn't dream of belittling your feelings.

Plus - OP is paying for a comfortable and at least semi-private place to sleep (ie her own bed, even if a shared room). She is entitled to what she pays for.

morbidd · 29/05/2023 10:36

I would just go with it, however my concern is around the arrangements for collecting keys to the Airbnb.

Are they in a lockbox or do you have to meet the owner, they might not take too kindly to see 7 instead of the 6 women.

TrippinEdBalls · 29/05/2023 10:55

morbidd · 29/05/2023 10:36

I would just go with it, however my concern is around the arrangements for collecting keys to the Airbnb.

Are they in a lockbox or do you have to meet the owner, they might not take too kindly to see 7 instead of the 6 women.

Presumably just the MOH will go and get the keys or her and a couple of the others. I'm not saying that it's completely morally ok to exceed the maximum number of guests but I think the fears that they'll get caught or chucked out on this thread are completely overblown. Unless the property is in the owner's back garden or something there is essentially zero chance that they will become aware that there are seven of them.

TrippinEdBalls · 29/05/2023 10:58

Plus - OPispayingfor a comfortable and at least semi-private place to sleep (ie her own bed, even if a shared room). She is entitled to what she pays for.

OP agreed to pay a set price for accommodation without making any enquiries at all about that accommodation. She made a load of assumptions about what she'd get for that but all she was promised is what she's getting - a place to sleep. Both sides should have communicated much better before the non-refundable accommodation was booked.

Original poster
shestakingtheurine · 29/05/2023 11:21

She says the accommodation could be swapped but the other one with enough beds is further out and unfortunately everyone else is happy with the accommodation that's already booked 😒

OP posts:
Intriguedbythis · 29/05/2023 11:25

I would not share a bed with someone I don’t know. Absolutely not. I would only shared with loved ones / best friends! She’s quite immature to have booked that- not considerate at all. She needs to cancel and book adequate accommodations

Heyhoitsme · 29/05/2023 11:30

No way would I share a bed. I'd back out now.

lazyakita · 29/05/2023 11:53

I would back out. You said you're worried it'll make you unpopular, but why do you care? You admittedly don't know these women well at all, and if the bride is a good friend, she will understand you feel uncomfortable with the set up.

I don't think you're being unreasonable to not want to go, it definitely doesn't sound like my idea of a good time, but I do think you need to be more assertive, as you seem to be caving in but complaining about it.

TrippinEdBalls · 29/05/2023 11:56

shestakingtheurine · 29/05/2023 11:21

She says the accommodation could be swapped but the other one with enough beds is further out and unfortunately everyone else is happy with the accommodation that's already booked 😒

Did she put this in the group chat or just to you? I think it does need discussing in the group chat - but you may then discover that actually, she's right, everyone else would pick location over larger accommodation.

LAMPS1 · 29/05/2023 12:00

Seems to me that you are the only one complaining and the others may well have already chosen their bed partners if they know each other. If that’s correct, you have become the 7th person, especially if you voluntarily take your own sleeping bag. And that means sleeping in the lounge where you are more likely to be disturbed. And more at risk of being chucked out if the property owner comes by to welcome you all. I’d pull out now and instead, take the bride for a nice dinner after the hen do. MOH can hardly complain about the lost payment from you if the property is only insured for six people.

Toomanylosthours · 29/05/2023 12:21

shestakingtheurine · 29/05/2023 11:21

She says the accommodation could be swapped but the other one with enough beds is further out and unfortunately everyone else is happy with the accommodation that's already booked 😒

Have you discussed bed sharing options? Or will this be a case of you drew the short straw or the 7th person has no bedding, pillows etc.

Out of interest, what's the group age range?

RampantIvy · 29/05/2023 12:32

Back out now. The MOH got it wrong so shecan deal with the flack.

Lambstails · 29/05/2023 12:38

I know this is a bit backhanded and not taking into account the poor hen, but could you not call the Air BnB owner and give them a heads up that there are going to be 7 people arriving? They MIGHT say ok, but I doubt it (I'd imagine any PL or property insurance would be invalidated if the maximum occupancy is exceeded). More likely the owner either cancels the booking or stipulates that only 6 are permitted (and assume will check when you arrive). Either way, it's a potential win for you!

Pointynoseowner · 29/05/2023 13:05

No no no no and noooooo

LookItsMeAgain · 29/05/2023 13:14

shestakingtheurine · 29/05/2023 11:21

She says the accommodation could be swapped but the other one with enough beds is further out and unfortunately everyone else is happy with the accommodation that's already booked 😒

Then you reply with "Well I'm sorry but for that amount of money, I could pay for a hotel room and go away for a night with my husband/lover/whatever. You all sound like a lovely bunch of women but as I only really know the bride-to-be, I'll back out now before any further expenses come up, or we could change so that none of us have to share a bed let alone a room with another person that we've not met before."

@shestakingtheurine - please have a conversation with the B2B here. I'd be fairly sure that she would be mortified that her friends are being asked to pay that amount of money and share a bed with someone that they probably haven't met.

Imagine that there will be at least one 'active' sleeper (someone who tosses and turns a lot in the night), there will be a duvet hogger, a snorer, someone who talks in their sleep, someone who sleep walks, someone who gets night terrors or nightmares.

At the very least, everyone should have their own bed. Best case scenario, everyone gets their own room.

But above all else, talk to your friend, the bride to be here. You may find that she doesn't want to do this and would prefer to do something completely different and this is all about what the MoH wants.

Zoejj77 · 29/05/2023 13:16

Is there a group chat to raise your point in, infront of the others? Are they all aware of how weird this is? Fine if you know in advance and all agree to it

Cosyblankets · 29/05/2023 13:22

Who is the bride sharing with?

Original poster
shestakingtheurine · 29/05/2023 13:24

I have raised it on the group chat but nobody else is responding they are staying quiet and are not staying an opinion either way . One lady did reply to say that she didn't mind if we changed it. The age range is about 24-26. The maid of honour is probably the youngest by a couple of years. Everyone else is a similar age.

OP posts:
Original poster
shestakingtheurine · 29/05/2023 13:26

The maid of honour and the bride lived together during university so the moh is probably assuming that they will share and this is why she isn't volunteering to take the air bed or the sofa 😂

OP posts:
Emotionalsupportviper · 29/05/2023 14:11

shestakingtheurine · 29/05/2023 11:21

She says the accommodation could be swapped but the other one with enough beds is further out and unfortunately everyone else is happy with the accommodation that's already booked 😒

Let them pay for it and share it then.

If you want to cancel, cancel. This isn't what you thought you were getting. (And it is effectively illegal - I doubt they'd have a leg to stand on if they tried to get you to pay the balance. In fact you could possibly sue for any cash you have handed over.)

all she was promised is what she's getting - a place to sleep

You could say the same about a shop doorway!

T1Dmama · 29/05/2023 14:16

Well @shestakingtheurine if no one else is complaining then you state very clearly now in the group chat that as no one else minds sharing a double bed you are making it very clear ahead of arriving that you have first dibs on one of the single beds!

T1Dmama · 29/05/2023 14:19

T1Dmama · 29/05/2023 14:16

Well @shestakingtheurine if no one else is complaining then you state very clearly now in the group chat that as no one else minds sharing a double bed you are making it very clear ahead of arriving that you have first dibs on one of the single beds!

Sorry just realised it’s 3 doubles…. I would say that as there are only beds for 6 people you will book your own 1 bed B&B and not contribute to the other accommodation … don’t pay her a penny.

chaosmaker · 29/05/2023 14:58

I'd ask in the group chat for the rest of the group to state preferences and also raise the question of insurance there too. You have one on side who doesn't mind changing location and probably doesn't also want to share her bed with a stranger. MOH has no idea WHO the bride would choose to share with anyway. Or if she'd want to share beds at all.