To not want my weekends disturbed?

[fluffyegg1]

Hi all. I have changed my username as I'm feeling a bit fragile tonight - thank you menopause - and cannot ascertain my level of unreasonableness.
My children go to their dad's every second weekend. They are 16 and 13 and can be quite hard work in their own ways. I do the 'nitty gritty' parenting, and my every other weekends off are incredibly important to me. I work hard all week and love just having time on my own to recharge.
My 13 year old has no need to return to my place once at her dad's for the weekend. But quite often my 16 year old will come back because she needs something from her room or whatever. Tomorrow, she and her friend are coming to my place - on my weekend off - to get ready for a concert. She will shower, put on her make-up, put on her favourite perfume, do her hair, etc. I can understand it, because all her stuff is here.
I think I'm being unreasonable because them being here will require little to no effort on my part. However I still don't like the disruption on my precious weekends off. And I don't like to say no because I don't want to be remembered as the kind of mum who grudged their presence
Am I being very, very unreasonable?

Gosh, I think you're being really unreasonable and also really odd to begrudge a teenager popping back in.

Yup. One of the very very many. For everyone involved.

Oh FFs, I'm a single parent with100% care and my DSs haven't seen their father for over 4 years.

Doesn't stop me empathising with the op. Can people seriously never get outside of their own heads??

Don’t let random mumsnet strangers who most likely have never been in your situation guilt trip you. It’s totally understandable to want a bit of space and rest when you do the majority of parenting all the time. I don’t get a night off and very rarely get respite so I get you.
you can be a fantastic parent and still want a break. I’d have a convo with your kids before them going for their weekend and help them to pack their bag in a way that they have everything they need. Maybe have a special crate or a suitcase or something in the car for this or a special system. Tbh I even would get them a double the amount of hair straighteners, perfumes etc so they can leave me alone for half a day 😂😂

You aren’t being unreasonable to feel how you feel.

But you gotta suck it up.

I'm a single parent to similar ages and they are here every weekend. Yes it's fucking hard but DD will be off to uni next year and I'm devastated.

If your DD has a key, why not take yourself out for the evening? Film, cafe, pub, walk?

It's not unreasonable to not want your much needed free time to be disturbed, but it's a small price to pay knowing your daughter doesn't feel like a burden or unwanted at home with her mum, or that you're sick of her presence. Even if you don't feel those things, she may well feel those things if you were to make a point that she's not welcome in her home on the weekend she stays at her dad.
It might not be many more years until she moves out for good, and you'll probably end up missing these visits so just go with it for now. Ultimately it's her home too and she shouldn't be made to feel unwelcome there.
You'll always have more weekends to relax alone...x

There are some fucking ridiculous replies on this thread.

You're not being at all unreasonable to feel like you do! You would be being unreasonable to show your daughter how you feel.

I get it. I love being in my house on my own, which doesn't happen often (family of 5, with a DH who largely WFH since covid). I think all the two-parent household people pointing out that they never get whole days off are overlooking the increased intensity of being a lone parent.

Poor you. Having another adult to share parenting with. 🙄

"Poor you. Having another adult to share parenting with. 🙄"

Quite!
I think some of the posters on here that say this type of stuff forget they HAVE A PARTNER WHO SHARES THE LOAD!!

I get it OP, I would probably feel the same. Maybe get some snacks / pizza and put them out then feign a headache and request music be kept down low and all shrieking and stomping be kept to a minimum. Pop out every now and again to ooh and ahh over outfits and agree Taylor Swift is the best before disappearing again.