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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want my weekends disturbed?

163 replies

fluffyegg1 · 26/05/2023 19:19

Hi all. I have changed my username as I'm feeling a bit fragile tonight - thank you menopause Hmm - and cannot ascertain my level of unreasonableness.
My children go to their dad's every second weekend. They are 16 and 13 and can be quite hard work in their own ways. I do the 'nitty gritty' parenting, and my every other weekends off are incredibly important to me. I work hard all week and love just having time on my own to recharge.
My 13 year old has no need to return to my place once at her dad's for the weekend. But quite often my 16 year old will come back because she needs something from her room or whatever. Tomorrow, she and her friend are coming to my place - on my weekend off - to get ready for a concert. She will shower, put on her make-up, put on her favourite perfume, do her hair, etc. I can understand it, because all her stuff is here.
I think I'm being unreasonable because them being here will require little to no effort on my part. However I still don't like the disruption on my precious weekends off. And I don't like to say no because I don't want to be remembered as the kind of mum who grudged their presence Sad
Am I being very, very unreasonable?

OP posts:
arethereanyleftatall · 26/05/2023 20:03

I hear you op. I feel exactly the same. But. We can't. It's their home. And there's no nice way of saying it!

Flavabobble · 26/05/2023 20:07

You might be being a little unreasonable but I understand exactly how and why you feel like this.

AgnesX · 26/05/2023 20:08

Poor kid, having her mum resent her presence. She's passing though, you're not being asked to make effort.

You are being very unreasonable.

JMSA · 26/05/2023 20:10

I don't think I'm missing any point. I think it's incredibly unreasonable to begrudge your child, that you birthed, simply exist in their home. What parent gets precious downtime? Op could go out it if her daughter merely breathing around her is too much to take.

@Bearonthestair are you always this bloody dramatic? Hmm

TooManyPlatesInMotion · 26/05/2023 20:12

I get where you are coming from, largely because I'm an introvert and love time to myself and really need it to recharge. I do empathise as you are doing all the day to day stuff during the week so i would utterly relish those bits of time too.... But you also know that you have to just roll with this one and let them do their thing! Just chill out and watch tv while they get ready or pop out for a coffee.

So yabu, but I get it!

arethereanyleftatall · 26/05/2023 20:12

@JMSA
Parents who are divorced with decent ish ex spouses, get precious downtime. And. It's absolutely lovely.

arethereanyleftatall · 26/05/2023 20:13

Oh. Sorry @JMSA , just realised you were quoting someone!

Boardname · 26/05/2023 20:14

What parent gets precious downtime?

I do and it's bloody brilliant. I love my DS of course I do, but I love having time for me too, especially after solo parenting all week. I don't see why just because many don't no one should.

Parkandpicnic · 26/05/2023 20:16

I do understand where your coming from as you want to be able to just switch off on those weekends, might have friends round etc, however it’s one of those things really would just grit and bear it for now else might come across the wrong way to her , she’ll be grown up and in her own place soon enough. Probably going away for the weekend when you desperately don’t want to be disturbed is the only option for now

Bearonthestair · 26/05/2023 20:18

JMSA · 26/05/2023 20:10

I don't think I'm missing any point. I think it's incredibly unreasonable to begrudge your child, that you birthed, simply exist in their home. What parent gets precious downtime? Op could go out it if her daughter merely breathing around her is too much to take.

@Bearonthestair are you always this bloody dramatic? Hmm

No, I'm just a fellow unwanted child, empathising with OPs daughter.

arethereanyleftatall · 26/05/2023 20:20

Were you unwanted 24-7 @Bearonthestair, and if so I'm very sorry for you, or did your parent(s) just occasionally want some peace and quiet?

IsItHalfTermYetHelp · 26/05/2023 20:20

Ive had one single solitary night in the house on my own in 21 years. Yabu.

IsItHalfTermYetHelp · 26/05/2023 20:21

And that was 12 years ago!

Petmum · 26/05/2023 20:22

I think yanbu. I'm a single parent but my child has two homes. They are at their dads and child could get ready there. You are entitled to your space and time as much as the other parent is.

It is hard carrying all the parental load and not getting that break.

Verystressedsenmum · 26/05/2023 20:23

Yes it’s unreasonable but I don’t think there us anything wrong in feeling like that . I wish my family would leave me alone for the weekend .
yes you deserve a break but just a tad harsh op but then again so are the responses on here .

Boardname · 26/05/2023 20:24

Bearonthestair · 26/05/2023 20:18

No, I'm just a fellow unwanted child, empathising with OPs daughter.

Show quote history

Stop projecting, nothing OP has said suggests the children are unwanted ffs.

Cosycover · 26/05/2023 20:25

Jesus christ really?

Lovingitallnow · 26/05/2023 20:25

you are not unreasonable at all. If you told her no you would be. But your head is allowed to think and feel what you like. I resent my kids regularly, and my dh. Your post makes perfect sense and you're not an asshole.

Nanny0gg · 26/05/2023 20:25

MummyJ36 · 26/05/2023 19:44

My dad died when I was 3. My mum never got a weekend off from me as a single parent. Jesus 🙄

Whilst I am sorry for your loss these sorts of posts are incredibly unreasonable.

The OP is entitled to want time to herself. And if her DDs had two proper homes she would be able to get ready at the other one as long as she took her outfit

Nanny0gg · 26/05/2023 20:26

IsItHalfTermYetHelp · 26/05/2023 20:20

Ive had one single solitary night in the house on my own in 21 years. Yabu.

So? Are you unable to do anything about that?

Bearonthestair · 26/05/2023 20:27

arethereanyleftatall · 26/05/2023 20:20

Were you unwanted 24-7 @Bearonthestair, and if so I'm very sorry for you, or did your parent(s) just occasionally want some peace and quiet?

24/7 but not to derail the thread. I think the op is unreasonable. I fantasise about running off to a hotel solo some times but my kids are welcome in their home 365.

Boardname · 26/05/2023 20:27

MummyJ36 · 26/05/2023 19:44

My dad died when I was 3. My mum never got a weekend off from me as a single parent. Jesus 🙄

And? What relevance does that have?

Nanny0gg · 26/05/2023 20:27

Bearonthestair · 26/05/2023 19:24

And I wouldn't worry about it. I'm sure once she moves out as soon as she can, she won't come back too much to visit. You know, in case you are disturbed.

OFGS,

You've never wanted time away from your kids?

CamelliaAndPrunus · 26/05/2023 20:28

I hear you, Op. I don't think it's unreasonable to want a bit of space when you do the hard graft alone the rest of the time. I wonder how many of the PPs are married and have no idea what it's like to raise children alone. I'm a lone parent and currently irritated about my teens being on study leave when I'm WFH or on my day off! I try not to show it, because I know it's not their fault. Doesn't mean I can't inwardly be a bit pissed off that my rare protected time is gone. If I were you I'd have a plan - watching a film on the sofa, or doing a hobby or out for coffee. Makes it easier for you.

IsItHalfTermYetHelp · 26/05/2023 20:28

Nanny0gg · 26/05/2023 20:26

So? Are you unable to do anything about that?

Show quote history

Yes! Am I supposed to pay for either me or them
all to go on holiday so I can have a bit of peace?! I’d actually kill (not a human but a slug) for a few hours on my own in the house. Never fucking happens!