Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Giving out wedding invites at another wedding

177 replies

Cookingmama12 · 26/05/2023 12:44

I live in Austria, and will get married here. The majority of the rest of my big family are in the UK, and a few scattered across Europe the only time either side get together is a wedding or funeral. In my culture normally out of respect you would visit your elders to give them their invites - I am the youngest of the family so this would have meant visiting everyone (about 35 households), however we were only in the UK for a long weekend, and the next time we return it would be only 3 months before my wedding. My cousin got married, and my intention was to give invites at the very end to the people living in the EU, and I would post the rest to the ones living in the UK.
About 40mins before the end of the wedding I approached one of my aunt's who doesn't live in the UK, knelt beside her and explained that I wanted to give her my wedding invite as I will not see her. She was next to my other Aunt who does live in the UK, and she asked for her invite too. I said I would post hers, and her children's invites too, but she said to save the postage and to give her a headstart on planning she would like hers now. So I give her hers and ones for her children too.
I gave my uncle one who also doesn't live in the UK one and sat down. When it was time to leave, I said goodbye to everyone individually as we were not going to see them for a while and my 2 other aunts and a few cousins also asked for their invites too rather than posting them. I gave it to them, and everyone from my mum's side had received their invites bar my cousin whose wedding it was and her parents. I would post these to them to avoid disturbing them.
However now the mother of the bride said I completely hijacked the evening, and it was really rude of me to do this. The wedding had been a whole day thing (11am til 11pm), and it was not my intention to attract any attention at all. For reference there were about 350 people at the wedding, and I only spoke to and gave 8 people invites (some of them multiple to give to their children) at the end of the wedding. If this was to happen at my own wedding I really don't think I would mind - it would be the next exciting thing to look forward to and when my family would get together. Was I unreasonable?

OP posts:
EbonyRaven · 26/05/2023 14:15

It sounds like a trivial thing to get upset about - somebody else giving their wedding invites out for their wedding at your wedding. But at the same time, it would have really annoyed me too, and irked me, and I would find it hard to forgive or forget.

I know it's a bit of a first world problem and it is actually trivial, but I think you're being unreasonable @Cookingmama12 Feels like you stole their thunder a bit. If I was the bride I would come to your wedding, and during the speeches, I would announce I was pregnant. Petty moi? Wink

caringcarer · 26/05/2023 14:16

Tbh I think it is bad form to be a guest at a wedding and giving out your own invites, however discretely. You could have posted all of the invites if you were posting some. If I was the bride I think I'd have been disappointed you did that. A bit like telling some people you are pregnant or getting engaged at someone else's wedding.

pizzaHeart · 26/05/2023 14:17

I think MOB was overreacting, it wasn’t such a big issue. However I would rather do this one to one, while saying good bye. I think that was the problem as other relatives were around and started asking for their invites and talking.
Maybe mention it to the bride to show that you didn’t intend to make a big deal out of it or anything.

peachicecream · 26/05/2023 14:22

It's no big deal, it was only 8 people out of 350. It's not like you were walking round everyone handing out your invites. It would not have bothered me if this happened at my wedding especially given how rarely you see these relatives.

Aprilx · 26/05/2023 14:24

Absolutely appalling. You obviously were not discrete because others got to hear about it and it sounds like you handed out quite a lot from your description. In any case you shouldn’t have even had them with you. Very poor show.

Lastqueenofscotland2 · 26/05/2023 14:25

Honestly I wouldn’t love this… and wouldn’t do it. Maybe give one to one person who you’re not 100% sure you have the right address for but to give a fair few out. Rude imo

PickNewName · 26/05/2023 14:28

You handed them out discreetly to a very small number of people

Not discreetly at all if MOB (&presumably bride) knew about it.
Really poor form. I can’t believe you thought this was acceptable. As pp said, if you hadn’t intended to give so many out you wouldn’t have had them all with you.

AnObserverInThisDarkWorld · 26/05/2023 14:30

You didn't get engaged or announce your wedding there or even announce the date. You said they already knew the date. There's a good chance that in those 12 hours your wedding would have come up anyway, "oo next we meet it'll be X's wedding!"

Tinybrother · 26/05/2023 14:32

if it were my wedding I genuinely would not be bothered, and probably would think you were very organised and efficient. But I don’t think I would do it at someone else’s myself because as this thread shows, it’s the kind of thing some people get in a right tizz about and it’s not worth causing that fuss

Fraaahnces · 26/05/2023 14:35

I suspect bride’s MIL is looking for something else to do now the wedding’s over.

ReviewingTheSituation · 26/05/2023 14:36

I honestly can't see the issue here, if the scenario panned out as described. At the end of the evening, having a few 1 to 1 conversations (with 2% of the guests present), which happen to include handing over an invitation - what on earth could be offensive about that?

ChildcarePanic · 26/05/2023 14:39

So everyone knows when and where you're getting married, engagement is already announced, and the bride is upset that you handed out bits of paper with this info on to people who live in different countries? Jesus I don't even think this would cross my mind as a bride to be upset about.

Daffodilmorning · 26/05/2023 14:40

I understand why you did it but I would have been really annoyed if someone gave out invites to their event at my wedding.

LadyGAgain · 26/05/2023 14:48

Jeez some people literally need some drama. Of course you did nothing wrong. Sounds like MOB is upset her big event is over and needs drama to fill the void.

Bedtimemode · 26/05/2023 14:49

I think doing anything that diverts attention away from the couple and towards yourself at someone else's wedding is always considered a bit rude. MOB probably over reacted though.

SkyandSurf · 26/05/2023 14:50

It wouldn't have bothered me but it was absolutely poor etiquette and you should probably just apologise to put it behind you before your own wedding.

As others have said, why have a stack of invitations with you if you weren't intending to hand them out?

And if the tradition is to visit guests and hand them out individually - well you didn't fulfil that tradition anyway because you didn't go visit them individually. So why is that relevant at all?

You'd already broken with tradition and so you should have just posted them. Surely the more pertinent tradition was to leave the spotlight on the bride and groom for the entire duration of the event.

UpUpUpU · 26/05/2023 14:52

I would have done the same as you OP

Cam22 · 26/05/2023 14:54

It’s discreet not discrete.

Frenchtoadt · 26/05/2023 15:00

I wouldn’t have done this - my first thought was it might upset some people - not necessarily all . Just apologise

Daisypain · 26/05/2023 15:01

Hmm I initially thought ooh no that’s a little bit rude and I’m not surprised they might have been put out but when you said it was 8 out of 350 I changed my mind and don’t think it was a problem at all. Had it been all the guests then yes it might have seemed off but just a handful at the end of the night is neither here nor there.

FWIW at my own wedding my cousin took to the microphone during the speeches after my dad spoke and before the best man spoke and announced he and his partner had got engaged and had a baby on the way and after the cheers died down he continued to speak about their journey to conceive and tell everyone when they planned to hold the wedding!
I wasn’t bothered at all I thought it was quite sweet and a bit funny but my bridesmaid thought said she would have been mightily pissed off had it been her wedding.

Katiesaidthat · 26/05/2023 15:04

Did you have a cartload of invites with you? You should only have taken the one for the elderly aunt and the post office was invented for the rest. And yes, I lived in a different country to half my guests. I would´ve never done what you did. I wouldn´t have said anything to you but would have thought you were rude.

Dinopawus · 26/05/2023 15:06

Not completely dreadful but definitely rude.

You don't make someone else's wedding about you. In any culture.

NeedANewPhone1 · 26/05/2023 15:07

I can't understand what there is to care about here - it all sounds fine to me. But then I'm quite practical about 'manners' and things that some people think are 'rude' - some traditional things are (imo) quite odd and old fashioned.

Unless they cause an actual problem (you didn't as far as I can tell) then there's no problem.

"Hijacked the wedding" ffs😂

Billyho · 26/05/2023 15:08

BellaJuno · 26/05/2023 13:00

Why did you have all the invites with you at the wedding if you were intending to post the majority of them?

I think it’s a bit rude OP, although I bet you were trying to be practical.

this, it’s quite odd. If you hadn’t had them with you, it would have been a non issue!

ThePoshUns · 26/05/2023 15:09

I think it was rude personally.
Especially if you didn't run it past the bride first.