Leaving newborn alone for 5 mins at a time?

[Birminghambabe]

This might sound ridiculous but I’m a FTM and unsure if I am BU.

If my 4 week old is asleep in our bedroom but I need to do some washing up, have a quick shower etc I leave him for 5 mins at a time (always checking on him every 5 mins). Sometimes if I move him into his Moses downstairs he wakes up so I try and keep him asleep in his crib upstairs.

My friend who is also a mum to a newborn said she could never do that and would just move him even if it disturbs him into the same room as her.

Now as a FTM I’m now paranoid that I shouldn’t be leaving him - someone please tell me if I’m doing this wrong!

Agreed. Although most people don’t buy the best car seats otherwise forward facing wouldn’t be the norm.

Do you also judge parents who formula feed their babies as they don’t have the benefit of BF, which lowers SIDS rates?

@saraclara “So do you hire someone to stare at your baby for every second that you are asleep at night?” yes I do! 🙄🙄🙄
It’s not about being anxious or maternal mental health it’s about looking after and protecting a vulnerable new born - it’s a mothers job to do this, I don’t give a stuff about guidelines btw every mother does what is right for their baby and this is my way which I think is the right way - it’s not about control but safety and a bloody huge dollop of love

I completely agree with you - six months to protect your baby who is meant to be the most precious thing in the world - not a huge deal really is it

Can you show the data that not leaving your baby alone for the first 6 months has reduced SIDS since the baby on back advice in the 1990s

@SapphireStar77
@NewNovember

6 months is long enough to destroy someone’s mental health
and where would that leave the baby then eh?

Lol data!!! Come off it!

@SapphireStar77

you actually hired someone?!

surely you can recognise that not everyone cab afford to do that?

Baby regulating their breathing to the parents is just a theory, no one actually knows why baby sharing a room offers some protection against SIDS.

It's about risk assessment, a car accident is much more likely to happen than SIDS. Especially if you have baby on their back in an empty cot which is the biggest protective factor, not room sharing.

It's also about mental health. Mothers need to know that they can step away for 5 minutes without thinking that their babies might die, that's no way to live.

Yet there is data on putting babies on their back to sleep as it reduced SIDS by up to 50%

Yes - I know that. I was scoffing at your demand to provide data

I used to leave mine when I needed the toilet, make a cup of tea...

In the day they would sleep in the moses basket downstairs. If I needed to go upstairs to get something/go to the toilet they stayed put unless I had to move them because of the cats. A shower or a nap they came with me but for a shower they would be in their cot in my room next to the ensuite.

If I was cooking they stayed in the lounge with the door to the kitchen open, a much safer place to be.

My second was a little different in that I did leave him for longer for naps because he wouldn't settle with a toddler charging around the place and it was affecting his sleep. Was it ideal? No. Did I do best I could? Yes.

Sometimes we have to weigh up the risks like we do in every day life. Ours was relatively low, back sleeper, non smoker, not premature or low weight and always had a dummy but I was aware that leaving him for longer naps was a bit riskier than not. Just like how I used to be aware that driving us somewhere was riskier than staying at home but needs must.

SIDS is a horrible thing to have to happen and it is important that we try and reduce the risks wherever possible but there is never guarantee.

No of course I don’t - I was being facetious to somebody else’s ridiculous remark

You scoffing at a being alone to show there is evidence isn’t really a surprise

Your reply makes absolutely no sense

Of course not!
You buy a monitor and download the app to your phone if you’re overly worried…. But how does your friend think people coped 40 years ago? Baby was in cot and mum was downstairs looking after other kids, washing cleaning etc!…..
You don’t check on a newborn every 5 minutes throughout the night when they’re safely asleep in their cot…. Even if they wake while you take a 20 minute shower, crying for a few minutes isn’t going to hurt them!!…. It’s not like a newborn is going to throw themselves out of their cot or fall downstairs! Even without a monitor your baby will be fine being left to sleep unsupervised while you shower poop etc!

Has anyone explained what mums can do if they are asleep with their baby and there is an issue with the other child eg their five year old suddenly screams from their room or downstairs. Do they yank their baby up and waste precious seconds before going to their other child who could be in a crisis?

Well I'm also wondering what mums are meant to do in terms of never leaving the baby alone if they are
-a single mother
-married but the other parent is traveling for work
-the other parent has Covid
-they have other children who need care in a different area of the house, e.g. toddlers who cannot be confined to the one room where the baby is napping 18 hours per day.
-what if your bathroom or shower is not big enough, or is not positioned in such a way that you can have your baby nearby while you shower or use the bathroom.

Is a lone parent supposed to not shower for a week, a month, six months, until the other parent arrives from their trip/gets over Covid/the baby reaches six months old?

I think a sanity check will show that this guilt-tripping advice:

"I will never understand obviously loving parents who spend thousands on fancy prams , clothes , aesthetic nurseries and then leave their very young baby in rooms alone alone."

is so impractical and frankly cruel to some mothers, that it simply should not be given.

💯. I started to put my baby into her cot for naps from a couple of weeks old and she’d go up to bed in our room from a couple of weeks and be in there without us, until we went to bed from a couple of weeks too. She was always on her back, towards the bottom of the cot, with layers of light blankets and nothing else in with her. We also checked on her frequently and had the monitor on.

We were satisfied with those arrangements and still have a little girl who couldn’t be easier in terms of night time sleep and naps. We’ve kept our relationship, have our evenings and we’re fresh for our now toddler when she wakes from her naps and in the morning.

Parents need to take reasonable actions that’ll allow them to enjoy their children and their lives without living in constant fear of judgement and whatever else.

I think most people get that it's impractical though.

Can you point to any actual official advice that says you need to be in contact with your baby for every minute of every day? I don't think there is any advice like that.

It only seems to come from places like:

Influencers, that have a whole brand so they end up having to be extreme about things just to set themselves apart from everyone else. It's bollocks obviously, just like the insta-perfect houses and the colour-coordinated children. Just made up crap to sell sponsorships.

Facebook groups with mods on a power trip. They also like taking things to extremes. Actually commonly it's not even the mods on these groups (though sometimes it is), sometimes it's just members getting competitive to be the best <whatever the point of the group is> ever.

People who are very black and white thinkers, possibly suffering from anxiety who are overly rigid about how they interpret the guidelines, which are much more sensible in reality. Tend to spend a lot of time on internet forums trying to convince others that their OTT interpretation is the right one, including all the logical knots they have tied to convince themselves. (In case you think I'm being mean, I can spot myself in this one a little bit. Can be a manifestation of PFB thinking I suppose.)

I have multiple children I took the baby from room to room I didn't stay in one room, so moved bassinet or a bouncer or baby wear and baby sleeps in the sling.
Nobody has a bathroom that can't fit a bouncer in the open doorway. You shower when they are in the bouncer. It's really not difficult

And? You’re having “multiple children” doesn’t make you a better mother than anyone else. There’s no reason to have a baby bouncer in a bathroom door to have a shower if you don’t want to or if mum needs that 5 mins for her mental health.

I think this poster was referring to all of the PP saying it isn’t possible to keep young baby with you if you have more than 1 child at home.

I think everyone needs to calm down tbh.

Not every mother struggles with her mental health, even those who’ve had babies in the last 10 years.

Either way the guidance (if following guidance is important to someone) is quite clear that popping out for 5 minutes is fine.

I didn't say it did a pp said how can you stay with baby and a toddler I was explaining how I managed with more than one child.

No thank you to any of that!

You’re the same poster who told me I don’t love my baby on a thread about infant sleep though so you’re hardly reasonable or rational.