Leaving newborn alone for 5 mins at a time?

[Birminghambabe]

This might sound ridiculous but I’m a FTM and unsure if I am BU.

If my 4 week old is asleep in our bedroom but I need to do some washing up, have a quick shower etc I leave him for 5 mins at a time (always checking on him every 5 mins). Sometimes if I move him into his Moses downstairs he wakes up so I try and keep him asleep in his crib upstairs.

My friend who is also a mum to a newborn said she could never do that and would just move him even if it disturbs him into the same room as her.

Now as a FTM I’m now paranoid that I shouldn’t be leaving him - someone please tell me if I’m doing this wrong!

NatureNurture85 I hope your friend is okay and there was nothing they could do if they were in the same room or sleeping next to them. They shouldn't blame themselves because a lot of the time there is no answer our bodies are fragile and can give up at anytime.

NatureNurture85 I hope your friend is okay and there was nothing they could do if they were in the same room or sleeping next to them. They shouldn't blame themselves because a lot of the time there is no answer our bodies are fragile and can give up at anytime.

I know and I was in two minds about posting but it was more they were with the baby and I guess there wasn’t anything they could do. It’s very sad and rare i know.

Yes to this! To everyone saying it’s fine to go the toilet, check back soon - honestly how do you get by in the day 😂 I have 3 and all mine survived well whilst i left the room to have a cup of tea, a biscuit and regain my sanity! If baby is in a safe sleeping space with nothing around that can be a hazard then like someone else said, an eagle is not going to swoop in lol

Abso fine and enjoy it, may insist on sleeping on you in a few months! I had a Moses basket with my first and moved from room to room with me, the second I had a sling.

@Summerfun2023 - again when did I say I have a shit in front of my baby??? I didn’t say that at all!! I said (yesterday at 22:11) that “I used to be able to keep an eye on my babies whilst using the loo” Absolutely nothing about shitting in front of them as you so eloquently put it or even taking them in to the toilet with me. And lol I didn’t subject my babies to smelly poos either FYI!

Your friend is going to have a very clingy baby, truly crazy.

I used to leave my daughter in her pushchair on the garden whilst she slept. Believe me I didn’t need a baby monitor to hear her when she woke up.

Also when the baby sleeps and you’re tired have a nap at the same time. Sod the chores, they’ll get done eventually.

Enjoy this precious time, my little one is now 27, where did time go.

Wow, I thought it was the snoring stopping them getting into a deep sleep,

It's just a theory, no one actually knows why for sure. It's also not the biggest protective factor which is baby sleeping on their back.

I had triplets so they were straight into cots when they got home from scbu. Of course you can go have shower etc and leave for 5 mins. What is going to happen? What is this rubbish they can’t sleep in their own room till 6 months, what a load of rubbish

Your friend is insane. Of course you can leave the baby to nap!

Get a monitor with a sensor pad mat - very reassuring.

@Maebh9 Have you been watching Friends 😂

A baby doesn’t die from crying as someone once told me! Would have been a v long time ago though.

When I see things like this I wonder how my two made it to adulthood. Of course you can leave her whilst she’s sleeping. Monitor is a great idea. Do what feels right for you. And congratulations 🎉

My kids are 1 and 3, and I do agree with this. I can remember being so anxious around the safe sleep guidance when I was a first time mum.

My first was a terrible sleeper and it seemed like anything I thought of or that my mum suggested to help him sleep was a SIDS risk - leaving him to try and settle himself, swaddling, adding a cellular blanket if he was cold - he was a scrawny December baby and our bedroom was in an extension without much insulation, which sometimes got to 15°, but I stuck religiously to the clothing chart that came with the room thermometer and even if he felt cold to touch, I wouldn't add a layer in case he overheated and died 🤦‍♀️

Of course, my tired and hormonal brain translated "there is a slightly increased risk of SIDS at a population level" to "this will definitely kill your baby". I am fairly numerate normally - I work with numbers although not in any kind of medical field - and it still really got to me. Looking back I was totally irrational.

It seemed that all the Lullaby Trust could recommend if you have a poor sleeper is trying to get someone else to watch your baby while you got a nap in. Shit load of help that was when Covid happened.

I was interested to read, further up this thread, that even some of the evidence for safe sleep guidelines (apart form putting them on their back in an empty cot), which I would have thought was robust because the NHS and Lullaby Trust seem to rely on it, actually isn't.

I feel for every parent with the SIDS risk, no-one wants to feel a child's death is their 'fault'. Yes, there are things you can do to reduce the risk, but for me, I just took a view that ALL I wanted to know was that my children were breathing properly.

You can't know that when you're asleep - even in the same room.

You can't know that from a video monitor.

You can't know that from a sound only monitor.

For me, the only answer was to get a monitor with a movement mat that would set an alarm off if they stopped breathing.

I went about my day during nap time, I slept soundly at night (haha, well at least when they were), I even (shock!) put them to sleep on their front when they had snotty noses because it could drain & they actually breathed better & got some sleep (and I did) when they were ill. But I knew that if there was a problem, I'd know about it in less than a minute - awake, asleep, or 3 rooms away. And that was FAR more reliable than checking on them every 5 minutes.

As they got older & occasionally shuffled into a far corner of the cot off the mat, there were some rare frantic moments when it bleeped away, but it gave me 4+ years of complete peace of mind across 2 kids.

Do what you need to get the balance right for your own peace of mind, but you can torture yourself trying to do the right thing constantly hovering, and baby could still stop breathing with you in the same room - so perhaps ease off on restricting what you can do while they nap & if you're concerned, maybe get a monitor that will actually tell you what you really want to know!

@89redballoons I feel for you. There are generations of knowledge of how to get poor sleepers to settle. Swaddling & setting my eldest to sleep on their front made a massive difference & stopped me from becoming an unsafe parent due to lack of sleep.

Obviously it's a complete no-no to confess to actually having done this. I don't want to minimise the risk of SIDS & know a couple of people whose children stopped breathing at different points, so I was properly worried about it. But using a movement mat monitor gave me my peace of mind back AND allowed me to use some methods that meant baby actually bloody slept a bit too!

I remember desperately needing a
Poo and baby was crying. I HAD to just go and leave baby in the crib crying for a few mins

Sometimes you just have to 🤷‍♀️

Never occurred to me not to leave mine if they were sleeping. Even in a Moses basket. I just got on and did stuff in the time I had. Mine was also a very independent sleeper.

Of course you can leave them asleep in their cot to do your chores or whatever. A baby doesn’t have to be attached to the mother 24/7. Stop checking every 5 mins too, you’ll drive yourself mad. Stick a baby monitor on and chill. A relaxed mum is far better for the baby too.

Yes thats guideline but some parents put their baby in their own room before 6 months and that's fine.

I put my son in his own room at 8 weeks for naps so he got used to his cot then he went in fully at 11 weeks.
Its fine to leave them to do things 😊

who could argue with this?
what else could you have done in that situation?!

So do you hire someone to stare at your baby for every second that you are asleep at night?

Seriously, all these guidelines need to come with a maternal mental health warning. Because anxiety levels for mums these days must be through the roof.

I had my babies before the back to sleep research was done. So yes, we were all very aware of SIDS because it was more common then. But we didn't hover over our babies to this kind of degree at all.

Theoretically information should help mums and babies, but what it actually seems to do is make mums feel that they have to control everything and gives them the room to blame themselves (or feel that they should) if anything goes wrong.

I really do worry about maternal mental health for the new mums of the last decade or so.

It's not about looking at your baby hence why monitors are no substitute pre six months it's about bsby regulating their breathing to yours to protect against SIDS. I will never understand obviously loving parents who spend thousands on fancy prams , clothes , aesthetic nurseries and then leave their very young baby in rooms alone alone. It's six months of your life to protect you baby. Parents buy the best car seat to provide maximum protection for a crash but SIDS is way down on their list of priorities. Just baffles me.