Leaving newborn alone for 5 mins at a time?

[Birminghambabe]

This might sound ridiculous but I’m a FTM and unsure if I am BU.

If my 4 week old is asleep in our bedroom but I need to do some washing up, have a quick shower etc I leave him for 5 mins at a time (always checking on him every 5 mins). Sometimes if I move him into his Moses downstairs he wakes up so I try and keep him asleep in his crib upstairs.

My friend who is also a mum to a newborn said she could never do that and would just move him even if it disturbs him into the same room as her.

Now as a FTM I’m now paranoid that I shouldn’t be leaving him - someone please tell me if I’m doing this wrong!

It’s fine . Don’t get drawn into the competitive parenting brigade.

All mine were sleeping overnight in a room of their own by 4 weeks - a trip to the loo sounds pretty innocent to me!

There's a fine line between taking sensible precautions against SIDS and letting the fear of SIDS take over your life and ruin the early months with your baby.

Yes when they are mobile

Not at 4 weeks

Yup!

More so at 4 weeks!

Oh bless you op, this is totally fine. Get a monitor if you’re worried but of course you can leave him in another room for short periods. ours were in their own rooms at night and for naps very early, at a few weeks. I know the guidelines but we took the view that we were all disturbing each other at night (and for naps actually) and if (god forbid) they stopped breathing we wouldn’t hear that whilst sleeping anyway so couldn’t see any benefit in sharing a room when there were for us clear negatives. Monitor, space, everyone slept more soundly. But you do what works for you op. It’s normal to worry and we have all been there. Hang in there!

When i was in hospital having just had my DS the midwife said to me "go have a shower if you want" i said "what about the baby?" And she said leave him there, we'll keep checking on him.
That was during the first lockdown so no dads on the ward etc. I wasn't sure if I should or not but obviously trusted them. Don't worry

Look at it this way. Do you sleep at night for more than 5 minutes? If so using a baby monitor if in another room is no different to you sleeping. If baby stirs you go check. Your friend is creating a rod for her own back down the line.

This notion of ‘wearing’ babies makes me cringe. I don’t know anyone who ‘wore’ a baby and then didn’t complain of a velcro baby. No thanks!

Nap in cot somewhere quiet!

Huh? This is bonkers. Christ the pressure that’s put on vulnerable new mums!!!

I wouldn’t, just take them with you.

When I had a newborn DC, I remember my health visitor telling me that baby would be quite safe in the cot while I took a quick shower, and not to worry. I felt the same as you OP, and thought that when DH went back to work I would be unable to leave baby. Baby (now twenty plus!) was fine.

Blessed with two good sleepers thank goodness. During the day they napped in their moses basket in the living room from newborn and I got on with other things in other rooms. They didn't go down awake though until they were older. Till then i cuddled/fed them to sleep then put them down. If I went upstairs for a shower or toilet though they came up with me in the moses basket. It is fine to leave them to go in the shower, to the toilet etc. I used to prep meals, do laundry and clean while they slept and bobbed in to check on them. I liked and needed to make my evenings as smooth as possible because with both of them 5pm onwards was witching hour!

OP worth reading a little of the SIDS background behind advice to settle yourself. The advice around having them in the same room is to prevent them going into a very deep sleep which can (usually together with other risk factors) increase likelihood of SIDS (though remember there are multiple causes, sometimes in combination, with each factor carrying a very small risk). You buzzing in and out every 5 mins is absolutely fine. I’ve even read white noise reduces likelihood of the very deep sleep so maybe add that in too. Have a read anyway. There are multiple causes of SIDS (often in combination) - a predisposition physiologically, vulnerability under 6 months and environmental factors (sleep position, alcohol and smoking whilst bed sharing, overheating rooms etc). Super important to understand and do what you can - whilst not losing your mind and worrying that you’re causing unnecessary risk - you’re not.

Mine are so older now but I used to put them upstairs for most of their daytime naps and get on with whatever needed doing.

Lol! As if people are watching their babies literally 24/7?! Unhinged.

OP do what you need to do around the house the baby will be perfectly fine.

Others peering into their child's crib every thirty seconds: work on your anxiety. It's not healthy and will breed anxious children.

Ok really basic questions but I have to ask.

All of those that say no leaving baby to sleep for short periods of time. (Which for the record the guidelines posted clearly stated that popping in and out is just fine).

Have you had infant CPR training? Would you know what to do if you diligently found your baby wasn’t breathing? Are you watching attentively the entire time your baby is sleeping in the same room as you?

I@WhatAmIDoingWrong123 yes totally agree! This thread is bonkers! Put the baby somewhere safe and get on with your other stuff, it's basic common sense to check on them but not bloody stalk their crib as they sleep.

You're meant to be in the same room at all times until 6 months although this is likely unrealistic. Tbh don't worry about it anyway as you're probably coming to the end of the time you can put baby down to sleep! 🤪

Daytime naps as newborns were often I pram bassinet so I would wheel that wherever in house but otherwise yes monitor and regular checks. Definitely don't wake etc. OTT.

The friend hasn’t criticised the op. Just said she can’t do what the op proposes.
I couldn’t with my Fb either. I had pnd and mild paranoia brought on by the fact my brother died of SIDs.
But yeah, batshit crazy.

This

@Birminghambabe ….. great name
by the way!

to throw a different perspective….

toilets/bathrooms are full of germs…. Especially if you’re having a poo!!

Where would you put the baby? … you risk dripping all over them as you get out the shower, or slipping and falling on them.

most bathrooms are tight on space.

kitchens are full of hazards. Knives, glasses, hot water etc. moving these around near a baby are potential risks.

you shouldn’t put a baby in a bouncy chair or Moses basket on a kitchen work surface.

how do you carry a baby, a hot drink/meal and a chair/basket for the baby all at once? You need to move them separately and go back for the other! Leaving both the hot drink and the baby momentarily alone! …. I hope …. I wouldn’t carry them all together!

by leaving your baby SAFELY in the bedroom (or another safe room) you are doing what’s best for the baby. You aren’t abandoning them! You’re keeping the safe from harm.

and congratulations to anyone that can have a decent shower in 5 minutes…. Especially post partum. …. But please don’t beat yourself up if it takes 10/15 minutes and you go back to your baby whilst you’re wrapped in a towel! The monitor might provide you some reassurance. But remember baby is ok to wake and gurgle happy too for a few minutes! I’d only go running if they sound distressed … especially if I’m mid shower!
(baby doesn’t need soaking mommy doing yourself an injury in a hurry!)

enjoy this bit! You’ll have lots to worry about over the next 18+ years … so please don’t beat yourself up about decisions you make.

do what’s right for you now & in the moment.

the best advise I had when my son was first born was to listen to all the advise and then ignore it. Do what’s right in the moment. You might change your mind in the next moment. But that’s allowed !!

Sorry about your brother xx