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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To withdraw my child from school sports day

667 replies

MissHoollie · 24/05/2023 20:02

So my son age 7 has been upset for a few weeks about sports day and " always coming last"
None of us in the family are sporty and my other children " were always last " but they didn't mind at all and it almost became a family joke with them enjoying the fact it was a family tradition to be rubbish at sport
So my 7 year old is begging not to take part
We've done all the " it's fine ..someone has to be last in the races "
" You are good at other things "
" It's part of life "
But he's still loosing sleep over it all.
They've been practicing all week which is winding him up even more.
So it occurred to me , and this is where I need perspective.
Would schools parade kids out in order of best reader to worst for all the parents to applause the best reader? ,no of course not ,so why do schools do this?
Yes it's good to celebrate success but why is it so demoralising for some kids ?
Am I being unreasonable taking him out of school that day?
As I say looking for other perspectives

OP posts:
Gilmorehill · 24/05/2023 22:45

greyhairnomore · 24/05/2023 22:44

You have to be able to read , write and do maths in life. You don't have to take part in competitive sport.

Show quote history

Resolution is a very important life skill.

Delatron · 24/05/2023 22:45

greyhairnomore · 24/05/2023 22:44

You have to be able to read , write and do maths in life. You don't have to take part in competitive sport.

Show quote history

So those that are good at sport don’t get their confidence boost and moment to shine. It has to be all about academic success.

TheOriginalEmu · 24/05/2023 22:46

MissHoollie · 24/05/2023 20:02

So my son age 7 has been upset for a few weeks about sports day and " always coming last"
None of us in the family are sporty and my other children " were always last " but they didn't mind at all and it almost became a family joke with them enjoying the fact it was a family tradition to be rubbish at sport
So my 7 year old is begging not to take part
We've done all the " it's fine ..someone has to be last in the races "
" You are good at other things "
" It's part of life "
But he's still loosing sleep over it all.
They've been practicing all week which is winding him up even more.
So it occurred to me , and this is where I need perspective.
Would schools parade kids out in order of best reader to worst for all the parents to applause the best reader? ,no of course not ,so why do schools do this?
Yes it's good to celebrate success but why is it so demoralising for some kids ?
Am I being unreasonable taking him out of school that day?
As I say looking for other perspectives

Schools make it very clear who is the best reader, yes. All the time.

Windowboxgardener · 24/05/2023 22:46

My mother used to keep me off school for things that I was dreading and she had never liked herself as a child. As a result I’m one of the few people I know of my age who never got that TB test on the arm, for example.

Actually, looking back, I wish she hadn’t. It did foster in me the belief that the solution to problems is to throw a wobbly and try to get out of them, which is not very useful when you become an adult.

When she became a school governor though I could no longer duck out of sports day races. They were no fun at all and I was always last, but on balance I preferred to be last in the 70 yard dash once a year and top of the class in everything else than the other way around.

Tophy124 · 24/05/2023 22:48

I wasn’t sure and then I got to your point and actually, I agree with you 100%. For those saying well we give prizes to the best readers, ok, we also don’t make those with issues stand and read to the entire school?

Mischance · 24/05/2023 22:50

Tophy124 · 24/05/2023 22:48

I wasn’t sure and then I got to your point and actually, I agree with you 100%. For those saying well we give prizes to the best readers, ok, we also don’t make those with issues stand and read to the entire school?

Quite.

FortofPud · 24/05/2023 22:53

It's a shame sports day can't have a better format. Some sort of big group exercise element/warm up followed competitive races for those who enjoy that, but that are not obligatory to enter. There should also be a way for those who didn't want to compete to be involved with actual 'jobs' in the organising, timing, measuring jumps, announcing, handing out water etc. There is so much more to the world of sport than just being the competitor and it could be a lovely all school event. I guess it's more effort for already stretched thin teachers, but it would be nice.

Delatron · 24/05/2023 22:54

So what happens if every parent with a slightly non- sporty child who may come last (shock horror) tells their child they can miss sports day (for how many years will you do this?). How many children are then missing sports day?

Children who are not good at maths get shown up in every test. They all know the results. That’s the equivalent of coming last in a race. Only most people know a running race isn’t that important.

SouthLondonMum22 · 24/05/2023 22:57

Delatron · 24/05/2023 22:45

So those that are good at sport don’t get their confidence boost and moment to shine. It has to be all about academic success.

Show quote history

Can they only get a confidence boost and a moment to shine at the expense of other children feeling humiliated?

I feel like races could go ahead but be voluntary or like a PP said, races in the hall held without an audience and the fastest ones from those do the running on sports day.

Moment to shine but no one gets humiliated.

wingingit1987 · 24/05/2023 23:01

My kids aren’t in the least bit athletic. None of us are. My sons were dreading sports day this year but my 8 year old shocked us all and came in 2nd in one of the races. He was so unbelievably happy when it happened.

I can see both sides of this- if it’s causing him genuine distress then keep him off. But it’s worth keeping in mind that there are lots and lots of things he will need to do later in life that he won’t want to and it will be detrimental to him to just not do it altogether.

SouthLondonMum22 · 24/05/2023 23:02

Delatron · 24/05/2023 22:54

So what happens if every parent with a slightly non- sporty child who may come last (shock horror) tells their child they can miss sports day (for how many years will you do this?). How many children are then missing sports day?

Children who are not good at maths get shown up in every test. They all know the results. That’s the equivalent of coming last in a race. Only most people know a running race isn’t that important.

The maths test doesn't happen in front of an audience with cheers for the one with top marks and sympathy claps for the one with the lowest marks. It isn't the same at all.

If most children who aren't sporty opt out of competitive racing, wouldn't that challenge the sporty ones more running against those more at there level? Or is it only ok if the non sporty child comes last?

Mygazpachoistoocold · 24/05/2023 23:02

For all those saying that sports day is humiliating, have you actually spoken to the school about it to resolve the issue? I've been to a fair few sports days and haven't witnessed anyone being humiliated. It can be done in a fun way, but it's never going to change if everyone just avoids the issue.

brunettemic · 24/05/2023 23:04

I understand where you’re coming from but to me this just teaches him to run away from problems. What happens when he maybe doesn’t want to do something more academic in the future, do you withdraw him from that? Our school has had the kids learning special dances for events (I think it’s weird) and parents have gone along to see that, DS hated it but I’d never dream of letting him pull out.

Highfivemum · 24/05/2023 23:04

Keep him off if he is upset but I personally wouldn’t. Life is winning and losing and it is a life lesson.
2 of my DC excel at sport but are. Not good academically. They spend all year being bottom set and never getting prizes in assemble so for them it is great to see them doing well on sports day. Obviously it is up to you but for me I would be talking to him about it isn’t about the best and isn’t it kind to the children who are good at this to show the rest.

Rachie1973 · 24/05/2023 23:04

Some of my kids loved it, others hated it. I just withdrew the distressed ones. It’s sports day, and there are a million ways to learn resilience. Its doesn’t have to involve humiliation.

I was dreadful at running, but could do a double back somersault on a trampoline. My ‘sports’ skills weren’t showcased running up the field balancing a beanbag on my head!

TiggerthePooh · 24/05/2023 23:05

Hbh17 · 24/05/2023 20:20

That should say "babying him" - another failure from me, right there 😂

Haha that made me laugh! Thanks for clarifying I was scratching my head wondering what word "banging" was supposed to be!

filchards · 24/05/2023 23:05

Keep him off and have a fun day together. I did it one year when my boy was that age. The next year he was happy to go. He felt listened to.

Shhhquirrel · 24/05/2023 23:07

Peacepudding · 24/05/2023 20:06

I wouldn't hesitate to keep a 7yo off if they were really upset about sports day.

This, keep him off.

Rachie1973 · 24/05/2023 23:07

filchards · 24/05/2023 23:05

Keep him off and have a fun day together. I did it one year when my boy was that age. The next year he was happy to go. He felt listened to.

Possibly the best advice.

Museya15 · 24/05/2023 23:09

I came last in every race and was always picked last, still it was better being at school than being at home.

Delatron · 24/05/2023 23:09

SouthLondonMum22 · 24/05/2023 22:57

Can they only get a confidence boost and a moment to shine at the expense of other children feeling humiliated?

I feel like races could go ahead but be voluntary or like a PP said, races in the hall held without an audience and the fastest ones from those do the running on sports day.

Moment to shine but no one gets humiliated.

Show quote history

Nobody is being humiliated. Someone has to come last in every race - so what at least 20 races. There’s quite a bit of projection on here. There’s nothing humiliating about coming last in one race.

What will happen in secondary - will you pull them out of PE lessons where they do races and athletics? Every sports day there? Surely it’s better to learn you can’t be good at everything. It’s not even failing. It’s a running competition that doesn’t really matter.

Kanaloa · 24/05/2023 23:09

I would let my child skip sports day if they wanted to. I don’t like it as a concept. I encourage exercise and healthy living for my kids, but that doesn’t mean being forced to participate in competitive athletics in front of a crowd as a small child.

Delatron · 24/05/2023 23:10

Mygazpachoistoocold · 24/05/2023 23:02

For all those saying that sports day is humiliating, have you actually spoken to the school about it to resolve the issue? I've been to a fair few sports days and haven't witnessed anyone being humiliated. It can be done in a fun way, but it's never going to change if everyone just avoids the issue.

Exactly. I’ve never been to one sports day where any child looks remotely upset or humiliated.

Lemonyyy · 24/05/2023 23:11

My dd has sports day tomorrow, she was also feeling super wobbly about it all. I’ve set her some different objectives to “win a race” which include things I know she’s good at, like being a great friend, so - cheering for your friends, supporting anyone who’s disappointed, being a good teammate. Things I know she can achieve, so she can still come away from sports day feeling like she’s won at something, whilst also developing some good resilience doing something that’s not her favourite, and some good sportsmanship by not having a huff about losing. it’s a fine line but I don’t want to keep her off every time she’s a bit wobbly about something because then she starts to expect it and then it does impact on her resilience.

Kanaloa · 24/05/2023 23:12

Mygazpachoistoocold · 24/05/2023 23:02

For all those saying that sports day is humiliating, have you actually spoken to the school about it to resolve the issue? I've been to a fair few sports days and haven't witnessed anyone being humiliated. It can be done in a fun way, but it's never going to change if everyone just avoids the issue.

Wow, you stopped every child at sports day and analysed their feelings? That must have taken ages.

You can’t ‘witness someone being humiliated’ because it’s about how they feel. Being forced to compete in something you are not confident about in a public event is often humiliating. I’m sure you’d find it humiliating if you were told you needed to compete in a gymnastics championship against Simone Biles and had people condescendingly telling you it’s about resilience and having a go.