To withdraw my child from school sports day

[MissHoollie]

So my son age 7 has been upset for a few weeks about sports day and " always coming last"
None of us in the family are sporty and my other children " were always last " but they didn't mind at all and it almost became a family joke with them enjoying the fact it was a family tradition to be rubbish at sport
So my 7 year old is begging not to take part
We've done all the " it's fine ..someone has to be last in the races "
" You are good at other things "
" It's part of life "
But he's still loosing sleep over it all.
They've been practicing all week which is winding him up even more.
So it occurred to me , and this is where I need perspective.
Would schools parade kids out in order of best reader to worst for all the parents to applause the best reader? ,no of course not ,so why do schools do this?
Yes it's good to celebrate success but why is it so demoralising for some kids ?
Am I being unreasonable taking him out of school that day?
As I say looking for other perspectives

OP for me also school sports day was a pile of shite that I hated, and my kids feel the same. But I read a study that leaning in to the anxiety (eg by saying she doesn't have to do sports day) apparently usually makes anxiety worse, and it can continue into adulthood.

I say this as someone who hates sports day...make her go but give her a reward. It's what we do, and it works and does build a bit of pride in the kids for knowing they did it.

No it really doesn't. Letting them opt out of everything is an issue, opting out of sports day really doesn't matter.

Sports days can be managed so that the least athletic child can still enjoy it - I've seen it happen.

I also saw one very frustrating year, when a 6 year old was much the last in each thing and getting upset - she was about to move country, too, so resilience was at a very low ebb. It would actually have been very easy to solve the problem, by making sure she ran in the same heats as my DD, who was (a) pretty much as bad, and (b) aware enough of how her friend was feeling to make sure she didn't come last.

I do sympathise with the children whose ASD means they won't cope easily with the change in routine - they might be included with lots of preparation and support, but if that is not forthcoming, missing it is probably for the best. With a child who is just worried about coming last, I'd be inclined to talk to the teacher about what they can do to encourage/reassure them.

A good solution would be offering coaching practice and coaching awards instead of competing in sports for the kids that's prefer that. Or refereeing or whatever. We need a lot more of them especially female coaches! Get them early in school and it might be a game changer.

Watching my eldest come last in every race for the last 3 years is absolutely heart wrenching for me. There are 5 in her class and the first 4 in each race get medals and house points. She walks away with nothing and it kills me to watch her getting more and more discouraged as the day goes on.

Luckily she’s resilient and although she doesn’t enjoy it, she is quickly cheered up with an ice cream after school so I don’t keep her off.

If it was upsetting her in the weeks coming up to it then I think I would keep her off. I think schools should really consider their sports day set ups carefully as it can be so damaging for kids.

Me too - it is torture for the unsporty. It is like handing a child a clarinet and telling them to stand in front of all the parents and pupils when they do not know how to play it.

It is a hangover from public schools, upon which, unfortunately, our education system is based.

Luckily my gloriously unsporty children had their own ways of dealing with this. One stopped to pick a daisy mid-race! Good for her!!

I think competitive sports in schools are a terrible idea at any time. PE should be just that. Exercising. Everyone should get some exercise and it's done its job. Having sports produces winners and losers. Learning to exercise produces only winners. Sports day would be better replaced with an end of year picnic, with bouncy castles and waterside.

I think boots have a good deal on cotton wool if you need any more to wrap your kid up in?

seriously this is pathetic

I agree with PPs. My daughter was always last at Sports Day. Parents and grandparents were so competitive, screaming and cheering on the winners. Same kids won every year and then paraded around with their 1st stickers.

Our school also has academic awards but the difference is that with the reading/literacy awards, parents aren't invited along en masse to listen to all the children read aloud for them to then be ranked publicly from best to worst reader, it just wouldn't happen - but this is what happens with sports days? We publicly rank physical abilities from best to worst, but would never do the same with intellectual abilities - well certainly not so overtly and publicly.

He's 7, it's not even proper sports, it's throwing a beanbag in a bucket and shit like that. A lot of is sheer dumb luck! Go, take part, and make a big fuss of him afterwards.

Hmmmm no where did I say my son was talented or good at anything else.
Its not about that it's about humiliation.
You need to look at another school if your child feels humiliated by parents cheering and clapping at the academic kids while your child is made to read in front of a whole school

@MissHoollie

Physical activity should be fun and enjoyable. Primary school sports lessons/sports day/picking teams completely put DD off sports. All except swimming which she does outside of school. The only swimming she did do in primary school only served to demoralise her. Secondary school is so far better. I think Primary school sport needs a massive overhaul. Imagine asking children to read in front of a huge crowd where everyone can compare/clap/cheer who is best/worst…
I’d take him to a fun soft play/activity centre/climbing or swimming for the day. Far more likely to have a fun and happy physical outcome.

I think sports days and be brilliant or traumatic depending on the child and how the school handles it. Our school Makes a big push to celebrate effort more than just achievement, which makes sense to me - hard work trumps natural talent. Students get medals for effort regardless of how they place, and both mine have been hearing all week that the winners are the ones that work the hardest. Neither of mine are sporty, and last year (their first time at sports day) were a bit stressed by it all, but this year are both excited to go and do their best.

I do think it is important for kids to do things they are terrible at, put in a best effort, and learn to celebrate their own successes which might not look like success compared to peers. They also need to learn to celebrate their peers, both those that have natural talent as well as those that work soooo hard to just get to the finish line. There was one girl last year that struggled to finish, but all of her classmates cheered her on long after everyone else had completed, and she crossed the line with a big smile.

I think the way some schools run sports days is potentially toxic, and would not hesitate to pull mine from those situations. But in general I think it is better to participate than opt out. Is there an opportunity to set realistic goals for your son that focuses on things he an achieve? Get him to focus less on his own races but instead on cheering on friends?

There's no right or wrong answer but I think it's important to help your ds consider the bigger picture. Life is full of uncomfortable situations and you don't tend to be successful if you're not prepared to sometimes do the difficult things. The truth is that even if he comes last in everything by a mile most people aren't even looking at him long enough to notice and will have forgotten by the next day. He isn't going to come to any physical harm competing. You will be proud of him no matter what. If he doesn't do it I would be insisting that he does something that encourages physical endurance privately eg a long walk. We shouldn't be bullying or humiliating kids but we shouldn't be encouraging them to check out of anything that's remotely uncomfortable either. We're in danger of raising a generation of kids that are completely lacking resilience and we have to do something about that

Your post has me torn. On one hand I think sports day is the one day a year some non-academic kids get to shine and actually excel and be the best or the quickest at something. But I was also the very non-athletic child who dreaded sports day and would feel so embarrassed ams ashamed of myself.

I don't know what the right thing to do is. You could just keep him off and enjoy a nice day together. Or perhaps you could try to encourage him to partake just to do his best and so you can cheer him on. Encourage him to take pride in what he can do and support his friends. I think you'd be justified to do either.

Fancy making a child do something they don't want to do! Ridiculous! Protect their mental health by opting out of anything that makes them feel worried, nervous or sad.

My DSs were ill on sports day on more than one occasion.😉

Sports day is utter horse shit for kids are not sporty. I still remember the humiliation of coming last in races etc. have a nice day elsewhere, guilt free with happy DS.

There must be some truly awful schools out there if pupils are being bullied and humiliated for not being great at sports day.
I've seen kids totally wipe out for various reasons on sports day - the response from everyone was to cheer them on not jeer at them.
FWIW my very sporty child was terrible at egg and spoon and came a resounding last place well behind the other kids. It's not a done deal that the sporty kids win everything.

They all discuss every maths test. Every result. Don’t believe that children who struggle with maths/spelling are in any way protected from feeling like they are stupid.

I don’t believe that just because you can run quite fast or kick a ball about it makes you ‘king of the playground’. I’ve never seen any evidence of this. With the constant testing culture in primary schools these days (and far less focus on PE) those that do well in tests get to feel good about themselves all the time.

I know this as I have one sporty kid and one academic kid. My academic son is always coming back full of beans that he got top of the class in his maths test. Dyslexic son never gets that. I used to think - oh well he’ll shine in sports day. Yet they made that team focused so he didn’t even get that.

Children do need to build resilience and learn the world doesn’t end if they fail at something.

The answer is to complain about the sports teacher….surely.

Someone comes last in every race, it’s not humiliating! Where does that come from. You need to look at another school if your child is feeling humiliated.

You have to be able to read , write and do maths in life. You don't have to take part in competitive sport.

I 100% agree.

@Delatron there are thousands of kids with SN who aren't good at anything. Not sport, not academic. They're just bumbling along. In school it's a bit crap if you're not good at maths or English or anything much but the whole world doesn't know.

Sports days are a spotlight on those kids who are crap at sport. And who don't have anything to fall back on like they're academically brilliant.

What's your resilient solution for kids who are just average academically and shit at sport? Suck it up?