To withdraw my child from school sports day

[MissHoollie]

So my son age 7 has been upset for a few weeks about sports day and " always coming last"
None of us in the family are sporty and my other children " were always last " but they didn't mind at all and it almost became a family joke with them enjoying the fact it was a family tradition to be rubbish at sport
So my 7 year old is begging not to take part
We've done all the " it's fine ..someone has to be last in the races "
" You are good at other things "
" It's part of life "
But he's still loosing sleep over it all.
They've been practicing all week which is winding him up even more.
So it occurred to me , and this is where I need perspective.
Would schools parade kids out in order of best reader to worst for all the parents to applause the best reader? ,no of course not ,so why do schools do this?
Yes it's good to celebrate success but why is it so demoralising for some kids ?
Am I being unreasonable taking him out of school that day?
As I say looking for other perspectives

I would speak to the teacher about how your child feels and ask about how they will plan activities so your child is supported. At 7 they usually do pretty fun team relay races and other activities that are more about participation and team work than competition. Just ask if he can sit out of the pure races. That said, I think it is important that children learn to win with grace and lose with grace - it's part of life.

Me too!!

and I could easily have been a parent who labelled our family as the “rubbish at sport just like me” brigade. But my eldest had a teacher that enthused the whole class with a passion for sport (girls just as much as boys) my DD found her niche and confidence with a sport which is helping with assertiveness and resilience in all sorts of other ways.

fair enough to sack off sports day if the whole on-show event is too anxiety inducing, but try not to inadvertently condition your kids into thinking sport isn’t for them, with some training and encouragement I’m sure there is something they could really enjoy.

What about the kids who struggle with both? It caused my kid to be bullied.

I mean, they can grow resilience for turning up on the day, sure, but in my school the kids that came last got bullied as hell. Why encourage that.

Everyone calling it humiliating to come last can you honestly say you sit there and point and laugh and find it funny that someone is coming last, or do you feel fair play for giving it a go. My daughter is often last she doesn’t really care she’s very academic and knows she’s top of the class in that, she sees sport and sports day as a challenge to herself. I hate sport myself but I make sure I always take part in the parents race and I always come last, but it demonstrates it’s ok to be last. I think some of the adults on her need to question why they think it’s so bad to come last!

With regards to building resilience it’s not the event that builds resilience it’s the run up to that does, there is lots you can do to support your child in the run up to a sports day, to demonstrate it is the taking part that counts.

Our school operates a house system so my DD knows that by taking part she is earning points for her team regardless of where she comes.

Last year it was so hot the children were given the choice of doing the long run or not, she decided to do it, I was so proud of her for that decision even though she did come last and she was so proud of herself for finishing. In our house taking part in sport isn’t about winning or losing, it’s about taking part and trying your hardest and that is what we reward.

I'm sure at my school sports days not all kids took part. Some just sat at the sides and cheered on the others. I don't get why it's not an option for them to do that.

If my child was rubbish at sports and was that anxious about sports day I’d ask school if he/she could just cheer from the side lines rather than take part… if they say he has to participate then yes I’d keep him off.

do something nice with him that day or ask if he can help with sports day rather than take part

I would speak to the teacher about how upset he is, explain that you have tried to rationalise and reassure but he has got himself in a terrible state. Ask if he can come along to cheer on his classmates/ house/ class/ whatever but not race. Hopefully then he'll see it is actually a fun day rather than a hard boiled competition.

Our school does have reading, maths, literacy etc prizes given at the end of each school year though and parents are invited to come to an assembly to see the trophies given out. Annoyingly for my academically able children they aren't necessarily given for achievement but for improvement and effort as well. But you can bet all the children in your son's class know who the best is at each subject and where they rank roughly.

My kids are also very sporty so sports day is an opportunity for them to shine where the chance is taken away from them despite being academically top of their classes. It's a tough one, as I hate seeing kids come last but equally I think it's important to understand that while you are good at some things other children are good at other things and coming last just builds resilience. One of my sporty kids competes up several age categories in two of his sports and we did that deliberately so that he doesn't win all the time as we feel it's better for him to build that resilience now at a young age rather than winning all the time in his own age category and then being flabbergasted when he loses to someone the same age or younger in the future, which will of course inevitably happen as he competes at a national level.

I realise that my children sound annoying and good at everything but let me reassure you they aren't - they all have their weaknesses and stuff they are rubbish at too which they are well aware of and we make sure to point out their friends strengths even when they differ from their own strengths. It's about building well rounded children who lose with the same cheer and good nature as when they win!

When I was a primary school teacher 30 years ago, we made a point of playing non competitive games at sports day. The only couple of competitive games were run by the useless Headteacher

This boils my piss. Pull him out. My girls 8 and 12 will be having the day off due to the anxiety it causes them.
it does not compare to children opting out of reading tests etc as it’s very physical and everyone including parents and peers can witness failure.
it would be like lining up the whole school to do verbal reasoning, reading, mental maths, and spelling all out loud, in front of peers, the school and parents.
both my kids would excel at this but it is not done.
ex teacher btw

I never did sports day throughout my whole school life for the same reason as OPs son. It's not a necessity. Sport should be only if you enjoy it. Some people hate it with a passion.

Depends if that was secondary or primary education.

If it's secondary, that's pretty normal. There are over 1500 kids in DS's school. They'd be there for months if they all took part in sports day. But they do, I suppose you'd call it, elimination heats in the summer term. So everyone does 100m in PE, then hurdles, then javelin etc. The best one or two from each class in each sport are included in sports day. The rest sit on the field, cheering their classmates on (or having a chat then finally realising the classmate is running if I know my school days). So it's the sporty vs the sporty.

In a primary school I wouldn't think it was so common because the schools are smaller. Allowing an opt out with kids who see things as very black and white doesn't always work. Because, let's just say you have George, Emily, Amy and Zak running. The others have opted out because they don't want to be last or hate sports or just want to sit with their mates or it's too hot. Plus they know these four are the fastest - they've been in PE lessons with them all year. That's this year. Zak comes last. Next year he opts out because he doesn't like to be last. If that carries on eventually, George, who loves sport because it is the only thing he's good at, won't get a chance to shine because everyone has opted out or so few are taking part it's pointless. Meanwhile, Emily, who's great at maths, gets her tests back with 10 out of 10, Zak gets a star for English, Amy who's good at singing, gets a solo in the school play. Now George sees himself as a failure.

I do agree that the yearly parade in front of parents is pointless. I was happy to see the certificate my, non-sporty, DS got for maths or writing a story. I didn't have to watch him do it. Maybe it would be better to do similar to secondary schools and have play-off heats in PE through the summer term, give points to the fastest, best thrower or whatever and give out a medal or certificate to the top three or four in each year. It becomes less of a big thing for those who aren't sporty but still allows the sporty to get their 10 out of 10 or gold star like the academic kids.

Secondary schools don't usually invite parents - 1500 kids is enough to find room for on the playing field! And I don't know many parents who get sad at not being invited to those sports days!

To everyone saying “schools do prizes for reading and maths etc so everyone knows who’s the best at those subjects” - does everyone know who is the worst at those subjects? Does the whole school get to watch them performing the worst at maths or reading?

To everyone saying “we all have to do things in life we don’t want to” - when was the last time you, as an adult, were forced to compete at something you had no interest in or aptitude for, with all your peers and their parents watching?

I don't think it's humiliating to come last and I also wouldn't point and laugh but I'm also not 7. Clearly this is how some children do feel no matter how many times they are told not everyone can win, just try your best and the usual things, some children can also be cruel and will absolutely laugh.

For some children, the parents watching also makes it worse as do the sympathy claps for coming last despite the good intentions.

Sorry but I find that cruel over something that is not important. If my parents had forced me to do something I was that distressed about, there would have been a chance of me trying to harm myself.

If your children like sport it’s fun. If they hate sport, or have anxiety it’s shit. I never offer the day off, but when asked last year and year before I never refused either. You know your child, do what’s is right for them.

This was me. The other kids would get annoyed with me because I made the team lose. It was every bit as bad as coming last in individual races. I have no positive memories of sports days.

Lordy, it's only a sports day, I'd keep him off school if he's really breaking his heart over it

Keep him off. Just explain he might still have to do the practising as he can’t have that many days off but honestly, if the school asks why he was off just say he was too anxious about the sports day and you didn’t want to force him to do something he was very uncomfortable with.

Take him off. Sod it. He’s 7, he’s got a whole life of worries ahead. Take him out for a nice day instead

You are absolutely right, Wolbarker!

For many children for whom reading, writing and general school work are difficult, sports day is their turn to shine. Everyone has different talents/favourite activities. The other students don’t get taken out of maths/English etc when they find it hard. Everyone should be celebrating each others successes x

I'd keep him off, easy decision.