To withdraw my child from school sports day

[MissHoollie]

So my son age 7 has been upset for a few weeks about sports day and " always coming last"
None of us in the family are sporty and my other children " were always last " but they didn't mind at all and it almost became a family joke with them enjoying the fact it was a family tradition to be rubbish at sport
So my 7 year old is begging not to take part
We've done all the " it's fine ..someone has to be last in the races "
" You are good at other things "
" It's part of life "
But he's still loosing sleep over it all.
They've been practicing all week which is winding him up even more.
So it occurred to me , and this is where I need perspective.
Would schools parade kids out in order of best reader to worst for all the parents to applause the best reader? ,no of course not ,so why do schools do this?
Yes it's good to celebrate success but why is it so demoralising for some kids ?
Am I being unreasonable taking him out of school that day?
As I say looking for other perspectives

For some children maybe they aren’t too bothered about being last but I think for others it really is upsetting
my own child actually wins normally but he has a lot of stress in the run up to sports day to live up to his reputation of fastest in the year. The race is so unprofessionally organised it’s really frustrating. It’s only about 20m long and often it’s the kid who false starts that wins ! The whole thing is unnecessary it should be a fun day without parents and maybe just team games in the field for fun and enjoyment. Anyone who is good at athletics can join an athletics club

I think you're better off managing his feelings in other ways.

It's a good skill to learn that you can do something you don't enjoy, that it will be over and you'll feel better. Managing bad feelings through avoidance isn't great and is likely to make him feel worse next time ("sports days must really be terrible is mum lets me miss school").

Also, my experience is that parents and teachers make an effort to cheer kids that are struggling.

Lucky you! Yes it was all 5 years of secondary. We all had to compete in everything.

Fortunately I spent the majority of my primary school days out of the UK system in a school which didn't have sports days.

Making extra effort to cheer and clap struggling children can sometimes be part of the issue though.

It doesn’t always make those children feel as good as intended.

Do they have other sports activities, like obstacle courses , beanbag etc?, my DD school had a variety of "sports races", so the non natural runners all had a fair go, or could the school let him help with scoring etc so assisting with sports day instead?, if not then if he is really anxious I would keep him off, it's not worth the stress for him, just as an aside, my daughter was the one always helped over the finish line of the long running races, last and in tears, she ran the London Marathon last year, so it is no reflection on him, Sports days can be brutal for some children.

I do think it’s rare these days for primary schools to be solely focused on running races. Most just do a variety of ‘sports’ in teams and tend to mix stronger kids with weaker ones. If your school doesn’t do this you could always speak to them.

You would be teaching him an awful lesson if you pull him out. We all have to take part in some things we don't like or are not good at, because that's how society works.

And yes, they do parade out the best readers and the winners of the maths competition and the winner of the best poster competition, and they often let kids being swimming badges and beavers of the week trophies and such like in to school for celebration too.

IMO, parents and children should take part and do their best, even if they're not the best at that particular activity.

Yes, perhaps that’s the issue and there’s a miscommunication between posters on here. The kind of sports days you’re talking about sound VERY different to my experiences both with myself and my kids. It sounds like at the schools you’ve experienced, sports day is more like a games day with team games and sports that are fun for all with an inclusive ‘fun day’ atmosphere. I think this sounds great.

My experience of sports days is all kids being forced to compete in difficult races, obstacle courses, long jumps, and other athletic events, with parents generally coming to watch, and often the same children being very last in every event, so a day of constant public struggle and failure if a child is physically struggling or not athletic.

They may ‘parade out’ the best readers (which I’ve never seen) but surely they don’t also make those who really struggle with reading stand up and perform readings for an audience? I’ve never seen that.

They also don't invite all parents to watch the maths competition and force those who struggle with maths to take part in front of everyone.

Competitive races should an option but voluntary, not forced.

I would talk to the school. I think they need to be doing more to show the kids that sport is about taking part and having fun. They should be able to celebrate the talented at the same time as motivating the others, just like they should be in maths and art and music and English and and and and and ....

Surely sports day at 7 years old isn't about quickest sprints, javelin or high jumps.

Isn't it more like sack races, egg and spoon races and who can dress up in this silly outfit the quickest races? That's what we've always done with KS1 kids.

Also, the one year we did a MAJORLY non-competitive game with kids in smaller groups, doing lots of 'races' at the same time, all getting a 'paricipation sticker', then moving on to the next activity with another teacher/TA, the parents complained that it wasn't a traditional sports day and there were no 'winners'! For 5-7 year old... you can't win!!

I had this with my elder dd, i just pointed out she won the prize for the best in maths and reading! It is good to learn you can't be the best at everything. I'm terrible at sports and hated it too, but we don't get to opt out because we don't like something

It's not just the non-sporty kids that come last either. At primary school, my son was always put in the fastest heat. And the other four runners were faster than him so he came last every year (some kids were savvy enough to run slower in the time trial so they won the slower races come sports day).

It really wasn't abject humiliation for him (nor was it for me coming last by a country mile). He was happy for the winners (as was I). My parents never let me take a tactical sickie because life is about sucking up the lows as well as enjoying the highs.

So (and I’m asking genuinely) what if you can’t be the best at anything? What if you’re the unpopular, unconfident child from a bad home life, who struggles in maths and English, and is very unathletic? What if you didn’t win the prize for maths or English or sports day or anything else? What then?

I mean of course you can point out to your child that she’s the winner in the two most important/majority topics so it doesn’t matter if she’s the loser once. But if she was the loser in those? Do you just say ‘well you lose everything, never mind, just be a good loser?’

I never did sports day for this exact reason, and that was back in the 90s. My son doesn't do it either.

Kanaloa Yes you are describing my child. Not the best at anything that peers value.

Her school managed sports days well. Either they did races by ability having worked out who to put against who during 'practices', or they did mixed ability team relays so after the first 3 everyone was so staggered you couldn't really tell who was where.

It's the performance aspect for some kids though, isn't it? My son loves being active, loves playing football, but HATES performing 'sport' in front of people watching. Always has done. When sports days was behind closed doors during covid he went and did it. He just doesn't want to do it in front of people watching/laughing/cheering.

He's like me in that aspect, and I totally get it.

This could have been written about my DS too. Very active and athletic child but not the fastest or most competitive either. Sports Day doesn’t put him up nor down. But my own experience of being the “fat kid” in class still affects me to this day. PE was awful and not because of the sports we did (I quite liked some of it) but I was so self conscious parading about in front of classmates (especially boys) and Sports Day was just the worst, especially in Primary when all the parents were watching. I wish my mum had got me out of it, I really do.

And….?? So what 11 days not damaging mental health.

But would you take him out of school for a maths test if he wasn't good at maths.

Just send him to sports day. He'll take part and it will all be fine. He'll play games all the time where he doesn't win. It won't scar him

I used to dread sports day for weeks as whilst I enjoy fitness, I was rubbish at races and was always so embarrassed to come last in front of so many people. It has affected me as an adult as I’m too anxious to go to fitness classes etc. YANBU to pull him out.

I've done this before. I don't know how teachers applying rules willy-nilly, so some children get away with cheating while others are 'out' is supposed to foster a love of exercise. I once took one of mine out for a long walk instead.

I was the kid who was always last. Very uncoordinated and with (then undiagnosed) Ehlers Danlos Syndrome, which causes loose, floppy joints.

As a family, we were all completely unsporty, and honestly, missing the day was never on my radar as something I could do, so I never asked. I just accepted it as something to just get through. Fortunately, I was in all the top groups academically, and did appreciate that this was the one day a year where other kids to feel a moment of triumph.

I really do understand where your boy is coming from, but also we can't just always duck out of things that stress us out. I'd go with a cheery, "oh you'll be fine! Just try your best, and we'll go for McDonalds for tea afterwards."