To withdraw my child from school sports day

[MissHoollie]

So my son age 7 has been upset for a few weeks about sports day and " always coming last"
None of us in the family are sporty and my other children " were always last " but they didn't mind at all and it almost became a family joke with them enjoying the fact it was a family tradition to be rubbish at sport
So my 7 year old is begging not to take part
We've done all the " it's fine ..someone has to be last in the races "
" You are good at other things "
" It's part of life "
But he's still loosing sleep over it all.
They've been practicing all week which is winding him up even more.
So it occurred to me , and this is where I need perspective.
Would schools parade kids out in order of best reader to worst for all the parents to applause the best reader? ,no of course not ,so why do schools do this?
Yes it's good to celebrate success but why is it so demoralising for some kids ?
Am I being unreasonable taking him out of school that day?
As I say looking for other perspectives

I am doing this exact thing this year with my son on sports day. I guess it must be fairly common! Last year someone's grandparent was standing next to me laughing at my son taking part. He is autistic and terrible at sport. He hates sports day and performing infront of parents and this year I've decided enough is enough.

That grandfather is a vile, nasty piece of work. I hope he got his butt handed to him on a plate.

I was the child who wasn't good at anything. Needed extra help for Maths and English, had no friends and rubbish at sport - always picked last for PE.
My self esteem was (and still is, actually) very low. And I wish that my parents kept me off school on sports day.

I think if your son is doing well academically- he could participate. But if he's so anxious and upset about the idea of it. I'm not sure I would make him either!

I now have 2 kids, and if they turn out to be how I was (hoping not!) then I would keep them off without a second thought.

You know what's best for him.

I'm too polite. I just shouted encouragement to my son so they knew they'd put their foot in it.

Is he an anxious child in general?
Does he lose sleep over things a lot?

Im wondering more if he is being bullied rather than is worried about this one event?

if he’s not good at sports what about trying out different sports and going to a club? Practice makes perfect and then he will be all set for next time there’s a sporting comp. It does sound like he needs some confidence, poor bear.

when I was a kid my dad started running with me. We went to a local club. It was really good to see him starting something new and not being great either. We had a lot of fun learning how to be good at running.

It isn't new. My mum let me have sports day off in the 1950s

Likewise mine in the 60s. There were always a few kids off that day and nobody bothered or drew attention to it. It was accepted it's not for everybody.

I let both my dc have sports days off throughout the 1990s.
Again, they weren't the only ones absent. There were usually half a dozen missing, at least. And as a pp way back commented, the one time they did go, one of them came home burned to buggery.

I think the original suggestion that it's a new thing is quite incorrect.
It seems to me that the new thing is that sports day has been promoted from something that a lot of children enjoy, but is no big deal - into a compulsory life lesson in resilience. Well we're all pretty resilient here, we've had to be, and all without the torture that is sports day.

Of course they do, they can go to sports day, they can also join the school teams and sports clubs.

I don't recall anyone suggesting sports day be BANNED... just that for those kids who find it incredibly distressing and humiliating, they need not take part.

A lot of parents reflect their insecurities and their dislikes on their children- it's not surprising that those whose parents kept them off also kept their children off.

Exactly. We have the use of words such as ‘humiliated, devastated, torture’. I mean it’s just one day where they run around a field. Or in the case of my primary- in teams do various sports that have nothing to do with running races.

Then they go to secondary having never experienced a running race. And they have to do cross country and athletics..

I hated sports day and still hate it!

We are fortunate as my child’s school takes a different approach and have a sports event.

The whole school is spit into 4 teams and each team has children from every year in it. Each team takes part in mini events such as a balance mini assault course, kicking football into goal etc. the older children help the younger children and then they all sit down for an ice lolly together and the team with the most points get a winners sticker.

The children and most of the parents enjoy it (still get parents bitching about no competition etc)

There is a larger than average SEN ratio in the school so I don’t know if this influences the way they do things but the afternoon is about fun.

They do have sports competitions for those who enjoy it at other times.

I think it's really important that kids associated exercise with POSITIVE experiences. So yes, pull him out. Sports day is stupid anyway.

Does your dyslexic son have to stand in front of assembly and spell a word out loud while the whole school watches, with parents there too? Because that is what this school sports day sounds like.

I think kids generally aren't as resilient and I think we have to take some of the blame for that.

Thinking back, as well as the coming last in sports day due to severe arthritis, I remember being asked to do a demonstration length at swim club (which I wasn't bad at). As I came back (quite proudly), I heard the coach say and that's the perfect example of how to do a screw kick in breast stroke so make sure you all don't follow her example.

I recall the French teacher playing out a recording of my French speaking homework to the whole class and ripping it to shreds along similar lines.

Humiliating? Possibly slightly but you see the funny side and chalk it up. I wasn't psychologically traumatised for life and my parents made me keep going.

That resilience got me through years of personal criticism and proper humiliation in investment banking. There's a book called face the fear and do it anyway which advocates doing the things you don't like and you learn to manage them.

Yes exactly. I also don't recognise the well people who struggle academically don't have to go through similar- except for the fact their entire school career is based on academics.

I think it's really important that kids associated exercise with POSITIVE experiences. So yes, pull him out. Sports day is stupid anyway.

I doubt many who pull out of sports day opt to play sports or do any sort of meaningful exercise outwith.

Not really - I hated sports day but when I had to take my daughter for a hospital appointment and she missed sports day, she was so cross with me.

It's not the same equivalence though is it. Someone who is dyslexic will face many many things during their school career that are markedly more challenging because of their dyslexia, and yes some of these are in front of others. I can't believe people are equating something like this to not wanting to do sports day in case they lose (of which no one gives a fuck anyway).

My mum let me take sports day off pretty much every year in primary and secondary school. She hated sports day as a child and actually wished she would die the day before so she didn’t have to do it. I have turned into a very resilient, capable adult and it has done me no harm 🙂

Thank you and exactly. It’s every day of their school life. Not one day that everyone knows isn’t that important. Nobody from school is going to go on the become a major athlete (probably) yet these children know how important that academic side is - hence they are tested and tested and made to feel stupid when they do badly in these tests - all year round. Not just one day!

Nobody cares who comes 4th in the 100m! Why is it humiliating? Someone has to come last. It’s just a race.

i understand OP I would take him out or engineer a way for him to not be there that day as he had another thing on

Then they go to secondary having never experienced a running race. And they have to do cross country and athletics

That's completely different. That's not a competition with an audience.

Although both myself and my dc disliked sports day, as adults we're all keen runners.
Not fast, wouldn't win any prizes, but we enjoy it.

Can you try and make sports day more about the fact he gets an afternoon off lessons to just hang around on a sports field with his friends? As much as he’s only young, allowing him to get out of things he finds uncomfortable is just setting a precedent and the reality is there are loads of days in his future school life that he’s going to feel anxious about (presentations, exams, reading in assemblies etc) and he’s going to have to learn to deal with those worries.
FWIW, I also hated sports day. I was academic and not sporty and I’d have rather been in lessons doing English, but I just realised it was something I had to get on with. My mum wouldn’t have let me stay off.

I doubt many who pull out of sports day opt to play sports or do any sort of meaningful exercise outwith

That's just not true. It's the event that's disliked. I always enjoyed PE and swimming and still do to this day. Just loathed sports day.

I can definitely see both sides. On the one hand it’s not nice that he’s so upset about it and it’s affecting his sleep. But on the other hand are you sending him a message that every time he doesn’t like something or want to do something he can have that day off?

My ds is 7 and we’ve just had his sports day. The children were all in teams, there were about 20 teams as they did it with 2 year groups and then had lots of stations that they went round with different tasks. They did overall 1st, 2nd and 3rd with the teams but because there are so many of them none of the children were left feeling disappointed. They all got stickers and sweets afterwards as a well done and were clapped the whole way round by all the parents. It was a really positive experience. Shame they can’t all be like that.

By letting him not do sports day it's agreeing with him that he is crap at sports and giving the message that you don't have to try at things you're not so good at!

JK Rowling failed at writing. It's a good thing she didn't give up...

I don’t think that’s true at all, it’s giving the message that it’s important to put effort in where it rewards what you want, and not go along with things for others. Sports day is only one particular kind of sports too - perfectly possible to reject athletic races and egg and spoon whilst staying committed to playing for fun, exercise etc.’