In-laws overstepping regarding our finances

[Mrscouldron]

Hi
Im looking for advice how to sort this situation without a falling out. I’ve posted in aibu as I didn’t know where else to post it. My in laws are really overstepping the boundaries regarding our finances at the moment. For context we have 2 disabled children whom we homeschool. DH has a fairly good job and we prioritise after bills being paid giving the children the best life we can. This includes lots of day trips, holidays etc. FIL in particular is really starting to get on my nerves. He says we shouldn’t be going on holidays it’s too expensive. We shouldn’t buy the kids so much. Actually we don’t buy the kids much at all in the way of material possessions. We shouldn’t buy them so many takeaways. They have maybe 1 McDonald’s a month. He wants to know how much our outgoings are each month and what we have in savings. He demands to know what things have cost. He said my DS has too many fidget toys and I’ve spent a fortune on them. I haven’t it was a £15 pack as he had lost most of his old ones. I’ve tried ignoring him but he won’t stop and it’s got to the point I don’t want to go round there anymore. FIL isn’t actually DHs father so that complicates things further. What do I say to make him back off and let us enjoy our lives with the kids. DH is of the opinion we just ignore or lie about what we are doing as in laws live about an hour away. The trouble is the kids are sure to say something when they see them. I don’t think this is the answer. Thanks in advance for any advice.

🥳

Well done

Well done, he seems to be showing clearly that he is controlling and a sexist! Control your wife indeed!
just wow.

Tell him to mind his own business . That you will love your life’s as you wish and that clearly you don’t struggle so stop being nosy !

It sounds like he might be concerned (maybe as DH is the sole breadwinner or maybe from the pov of your/DH's retirement one day etc)...
Either which way it could be that he's genuinely concerned but it's coming across horribly?
It's hard to read context from a few lines unfortunately so we don't know whether he's generally a nice person but gets overbearing when he's anxious for example.

Very well done! What a cheek! Your big girl pants suit you 😂

The comment about the OP’d DH keeping her under control shows that he’s just an unpleasant controlling man.

Just answer ‘42’ every time. Then bingo with DH - shout through to DH that you win, it’s taken 15min till the first comment. Or just don’t go there

Absolute long shot but has there been any history of your FIL lending your or your DH a lot of money before bail out a bad financial situation?
I cant see why else anyone would be this intrusive! It's really none of his business

Just ask him the same questions back

Wow, this has opened my eyes to things in another world. I've just realised, we regularly give financial gifts to our child, because luckily we are able to and we want to, we're near the end of our lives and she's not - and it would absolutely never occur to us to query how she uses it, or to make comments about her finances at all, except more recently to ask if she needs any help with the rapidly rising cost of living. It's none of our business, unless she asks specifically for advice.
@Mrscouldron - so wonderful to see your update about their visit, such good work you did, and you and your DH were in tandem, fabulous!

That is n excellent update on both your AND DH's actions!! Hopefully it will mean they step back but at least you have shown a united front about it 🎉😁

Both of you were brilliant! Well done!

“Control your wife” indeed!

He reminds me of the host in that hilarious Harry Enfield and chums sketch which ends with “women know your limits!”. It’s comedy genius!

Didn't see that!! Yes, nasty and unpleasant...

Q : how mu h does something cost.
A : I dont remember.

And yes, ask him personal questions about his life too. If he wants to know how much u have saved asked him the same!!

Well done! Now don't EVER let him bring up finances again.

If he dares to mention money simply say bluntly 'Shut up now. We've been clear to you that this is none of your business. You are rude and intrusive and we're not discussing money with you'.

(I'd be tempted to say 'SO crass!' in a lordly tone of voice after that)

I think the poster up thread has a good idea. Ask FiL about his pension. Where is it invested? How much will he get each month? Etc. Move the focus on to his spending.

I find “None of your business” or if that doesn’t work Fuck off does the trick.

My FiL is dead now, but he used to ask and worry about how much we were spending. He had absolutely no idea how much we earned between us. He grew up poor and I think he worried we might get into debt. DH had a word and told him we had good savings and he seemed reassured by that. MiL never asks at all or ever comments on our spending.

"FiL, we can see you're thinking that DH, the kids and I will be spending 6 days over Christmas together with you. Just so you're not disappointed closer to the date, and it's still early to make your own plans to be away if you so choose, we'll not be doing that"

”Control your wife” 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

What a twat! Kudos to you and your husband for standing up to this ridiculous man!

Good riddance to bad rubbish then op!!
Time to party. And spare no expense!

Bad as it is I’ve actually said “My money,
my children, my rules” before to someone challenging me. They never did it again.

Excellent update! As a bonus, they probably won't speak to you for ages now! Maybe not ever, imagine that.
And after a stream of wet lettuce husbands, it's great to read about one who stands up for his wife.
Well done!

High five to you both, so good to see a husband standing up for his wife.
Control your wife my arse.