In-laws overstepping regarding our finances

[Mrscouldron]

Hi
Im looking for advice how to sort this situation without a falling out. I’ve posted in aibu as I didn’t know where else to post it. My in laws are really overstepping the boundaries regarding our finances at the moment. For context we have 2 disabled children whom we homeschool. DH has a fairly good job and we prioritise after bills being paid giving the children the best life we can. This includes lots of day trips, holidays etc. FIL in particular is really starting to get on my nerves. He says we shouldn’t be going on holidays it’s too expensive. We shouldn’t buy the kids so much. Actually we don’t buy the kids much at all in the way of material possessions. We shouldn’t buy them so many takeaways. They have maybe 1 McDonald’s a month. He wants to know how much our outgoings are each month and what we have in savings. He demands to know what things have cost. He said my DS has too many fidget toys and I’ve spent a fortune on them. I haven’t it was a £15 pack as he had lost most of his old ones. I’ve tried ignoring him but he won’t stop and it’s got to the point I don’t want to go round there anymore. FIL isn’t actually DHs father so that complicates things further. What do I say to make him back off and let us enjoy our lives with the kids. DH is of the opinion we just ignore or lie about what we are doing as in laws live about an hour away. The trouble is the kids are sure to say something when they see them. I don’t think this is the answer. Thanks in advance for any advice.

Well done😎
you handled it brilliantly, you kept your cool, great work!
They still went off in a rage though, didnt they! Now it's very clear who the nutters are and it's not you @Mrscouldron
'you need to control your wife'😂😂😂

Tell him it's none of his fucking business, he's not DH's father and even if he was it would still be none of his fucking business.

Grrr, I'm angry and it doesn't even concern me!

Excellently handled.

"Control your wife"

That's fantastic - what a NOBHEAD !

Can't wait to hear how long the rage lasts 😂

he absolutely deserves to be effed and blinded at, (and I'd have a strong urge to slap him upside the head if in OP's shoes😶)
However☝ I think it's always better if you can shoot them down whilst keeping your cool and keeping the moral high ground😄

Go, OP! Cheering you on here! Bloody well done you for standing up to him and well done DH for backing you up.

Good job OP!

Hilarious response from FIL. Well done OP, and well done to your DH too for backing you up, even though he knew it would upset his mum.

Oh well done OP and Mr OP!

Bet theres a phone call later to your DH to tell him how disrespectful he is, they're only trying to help, blah blah etc etc...

What a nasty fucker FIL is!

I actually whooped out loud reading your post! Well done OP, theose big girl knickers would have made Bridget Jones very proud.

😂 thank you

Oh well done OP and DH!

You've done it once, now if he starts again shut it down immediately. "We've told you before our spending and finances are none of your business"

Ooh, very well handled by you AND your DH there @Mrscouldron. Well done to you both!

Well done OP! Thats exactly the type of slap down he needed. He showed his true colours when he said to control your wife. Its not JUST about the money. Its about controlling you and the fact he doesn't respect you or your DH. The money is just the means to do this and assert his authority over you.

He will have a massive strop for ages over this. Treat him accordingly. He's acting like a stroppy toddler. Don't give in. Just rinse and repeat.

He will either end up going NC with you (and if thats the way it goes, thats not a loss for you) or he will back down and back off.

I suspect this has been a long time coming.

Are they giving you money or has your Dh received money from family inheritance, trust etc which they feel they should steward in some way? If not why are you even giving thought to this. It really is none of their business

I’m with you - look him in the eye and say fuck off

Well done!

You've done the first challenge very nicely indeed. You'll be grand for the next one.

DM quizzes me a lot on what I spend, but only to find fault with it regardless. A few that I've used that you might find useful:
"sheesh, a policeman wouldn't ask me that!"
"Oh I can't remember how much that thing cost. Millions probably."
"One finds it terribly vulgar to discuss money, one does" in a really bad upper class accent,
"yes, you are right, I'll tell DH to return the superyacht, and just make do with a day to day yacht"

If I'm not in the mood to be sarcastic then I just go vague and say I can't remember. Especially when it's money she would be outraged at me spending.

It's our money, it's up to us how we spend it.

Control your wife! Well, there's his colours nailed to the mast! What a knob.

Go you. Got wine?

Well done @Mrscouldron 👏. Now you need to stay firm and maintain that boundary.

Control your wife !
What a dick.
Well done to you and your DH

That's an excellent update! Well done you for standing up for yourself and a big cheer for your DH in backing you up.
Your FiL clearly thinks he is the patriarch of the extended family and what he says should go. Hopefully he will learn from this to keep his nose out!

FIL was certain that his son, Mr Couldron would have his back.....but he didnt😂😂😂
he made himself look a right charlie😂
and his face saving move was to storm off in a rage😂😆

Don’t know how I missed it - but it’s projection- FIL is broke.

Are you and your DH better off than his kids any chance? I just wonder whether that's what is really bugging him.

And you did it as a team! You both deserve an extra hug for that.