AIBU? baby vs Hen do

[MMoon23]

I have 4 best friends who I lived with at uni
I am the only one who has had a baby. They all sent a gift when she was born 1 year ago but since then have barely asked about her, only 1 of them has ever come to see her.
None of them sent a card for her 1st birthday. 2 of them sent a text happy birthday after I posted an Instagram post which reminded them.

1 of the gang is getting married this year and all talk in the group chat is of the wedding /hen do. All 4 girls are coming to the hen do (actually being held where I live, which is also where we all went to uni) without a second thought. And are all coming to the wedding nearby a month later. None have suggested wanting to or meeting baby at this time. I feel a bit put out that they can travel so readily for this, but haven’t for me.
1 of them is recently pregnant herself and talks a bit more about it. Another one makes very minimal remarks. I know that the others are not currently trying to conceive or have fertility issues (which would make more sense)

AIBU to feel disappointed/ annoyed that no one seems to care much ? Or that my baby is worth so little effort from my best friends? My partners best friends all sent birthday cards and texts / have met baby /check in about her.

I don’t know if I’m just being unreasonable and self absorbed in my expectations. Is it the case that of course a hen do would trump a baby visit? I have never been to a hen do before. I am now preparing to go on said hen do and see them all for the first time since baby, so need to try to not let my resentment show… how can I do this??

I should add that I feel awful for being resentful when it’s my best friends exciting day too and of course I want her to be happy and have a great time. I know I’m projecting. This is just how I’ve been feeling

Your baby is your world, but the reality is that most people aren't interested in other people children.
This is why we have mum friends.

We had no interest whatsoever in babies until we had our own. I think that’s quite common.

Often, other people’s babies are really not that interesting, especially if you haven’t got any children yourself yet (ie are in a different stage of life).

I’m sorry you’re being unreasonable.

Well, babies are not that interesting! Except your own if course.

Really no one cares much about other peoples babies. I don't send my friends' kids birthday cards. As you were the first they really don't relate either to how lonely it may be.
You need to reach out more. Suggest yourself that they come visit you or meet them halfway somewhere.
Have you invited any of them to stay with you for the wedding?

I've never had the slightest interest in babies but when my friends had them before me I always visited and made an effort to at least seem interested because I knew it was important to my friends. I don't agree with the above posters and I think it's pretty shitty behaviour OP.

It would be nice if they were interested but as everyone else has said in general other people’s babies aren’t very interesting

Until you have one yourself, babies aren’t very interesting.

Your baby is your world. To your friends, your baby is the reason you can’t get out much. Almost no one sends birthday gifts or cards past the initial new baby gifts.

You have no idea what goes on in someone's private life really. There could be issues. But the reality is people don't have to send gifts to everyone they know, it has to stop somewhere. Family if understand it more, but friends are absolutely not expected to send babies birthday cards and gifts. Not everyone is interested in babies. Did you always send gifts and cards for babies before you had one?

Yep!

I do think it’s nice (and normal!) to visit a friend when they have a new baby, and yes I would be a bit upset if none of them made the effort.

But I wouldn’t expect any ongoing involvement with the baby after that.

My DS is 2 now and my friends will see him if they come to stay with me (to see me) and he’s there. But they don’t come to see him specifically.

I'd say these people aren't actually your best friends. Most people don't care about others babies, but I do actually care about my best friends children and they care about mine and we swap presents and go to their birthday parties. I don't care about my wider friends kids and wouldn't expect them to care about mine.

I completely disagree with everyone else on this. I always went to see my friends after they had their babies and made the effort, not because I was interested in babies but because I cared about my friends and wanted to see them and support them during a life changing event.

My best friends group don't exchange gifts and cards, it would never end. But we certainly come to meet new baby with a gift, and wish them a happy birthday.

Did you invite them to visit when you had your baby?

I agree with the majority of pp's. Babies just aren't that interesting when they aren't your own, especially if friends live a distance away and seeing you is limited.

This

my friends who don’t have children have made the effort for me, because they support what is important for me. Not because they care more about babies that are not their own than some other people might.

I think YABU to be surprised they care more about attending a hen than visiting a baby- clearly the former is going to be more interesting to them, as it's a fun event they are invited to. As others have said, other people's kids aren't that interesting. I think expecting them to remember a birthday is a bit much as well, I can barely remember my friend's birthdays never mind their children!

Have you ever invited them to visit/stay and meet the baby? I don't have children and wouldn't dream of imposing on my parent friends without an invite.

I noticed a massive difference between friends who already had kids and those who didn't when I first had DS.

Remember, your friends are your friends. They knew you before baby and the version of you that will exist in their head is that of their friend.

Echoing above posters, most people don’t care about other peoples children.

I wouldn’t travel to see a baby unless I was explicitly invited, or invited to a christening but even then I might not bother.

I would make the effort for a hen party / wedding, mainly because they’re more fun!

Yeah sorry YABU.

People aren't interested in other people's babies usually, especially if they don't have children themselves.

Of my friends the only ones who send cards or gifts for my children's birthdays are those who have kids themselves, and even then its only if our children are friends or get along.

Your baby is only a year so it's all quite new for you still, especially as you're the first in your group to have a child, but honestly this kind of stuff will stop mattering so much. And your friends aren't really doing anything wrong so don't be angry with them.

Yes a hen do Trumps a new baby visit

Another have you invited them?

I could probably find 200 posts on here about how rude it is to visit a newborn, and new parents should get their bubble and everyone should wait until invited to meet the baby.

If they’re not parents they might err on the side of not imposing.

I do understand why you feel put out but they are entirely different events. The hen do isn’t just for the bride though. It’s (or usually is) a chance to get together as a group and have fun and catch up. Meeting a baby is just meeting a baby - it’s not about the other women and only you. It’s not an exciting event for them.