AIBU? baby vs Hen do

[MMoon23]

I have 4 best friends who I lived with at uni
I am the only one who has had a baby. They all sent a gift when she was born 1 year ago but since then have barely asked about her, only 1 of them has ever come to see her.
None of them sent a card for her 1st birthday. 2 of them sent a text happy birthday after I posted an Instagram post which reminded them.

1 of the gang is getting married this year and all talk in the group chat is of the wedding /hen do. All 4 girls are coming to the hen do (actually being held where I live, which is also where we all went to uni) without a second thought. And are all coming to the wedding nearby a month later. None have suggested wanting to or meeting baby at this time. I feel a bit put out that they can travel so readily for this, but haven’t for me.
1 of them is recently pregnant herself and talks a bit more about it. Another one makes very minimal remarks. I know that the others are not currently trying to conceive or have fertility issues (which would make more sense)

AIBU to feel disappointed/ annoyed that no one seems to care much ? Or that my baby is worth so little effort from my best friends? My partners best friends all sent birthday cards and texts / have met baby /check in about her.

I don’t know if I’m just being unreasonable and self absorbed in my expectations. Is it the case that of course a hen do would trump a baby visit? I have never been to a hen do before. I am now preparing to go on said hen do and see them all for the first time since baby, so need to try to not let my resentment show… how can I do this??

I have some very close friends from primary school (so 30 year+ friends). I still don’t like their children and found their babies super boring. A couple of them seem to genuinely like other people’s children but I don’t expect them to be interested in my DC. I would never have expected them to want to have a FaceTime to “meet” my DC. Send a picture and an obligatory “ooohhh so sweet 🥰🥰🥰” is a reasonable expectation. I 110% never remember their DC birthdays and wouldn’t expect them to remember mine! It’s just a different phase of life.

YABU to expect them to remember your baby's birthday and send cards.

YABU to expect them to think it's interesting to watch your baby sleep on you on facetime.

YABU to say that visiting a baby is the same as attending a hen do or wedding.

YANBU to be disappointed that your friends aren't make any effort to see you anymore.

I think there’s an element of truth in what @Indoorcatmum is saying - it’s the ongoing expectation that can be gruelling.

One of my friends had her 1st about 4 days after I had lifesaving surgery, I was still in hospital but I texted, arranged a card and gift to be sent etc.

Her expectations were very high from then - she wanted me to travel to meet the DC during my recovery, sulked when I couldn’t, then kept arranging baby calls which she said were important because I hadn’t met her. I did travel to meet her but it never seemed to be good enough and I was texted multiple times per week with updates, for years, and she’d be sullen if I didn’t respond to them.

She was a single parent and clearly with hindsight she was lonely and missing having someone else to share it all with but it was so tiring feeling like I was somehow an essential part of someone else’s parenting journey. It’s the longevity that’s difficult because the novelty never wears off (as it shouldn’t, for the parent, but for the friends?!)

OP, you don’t sound like this so please don’t worry. It’s just one reason why mum friends are so necessary!

Hi OP, from your replies you sound great and I'm sorry that your friends haven't been there for you as much as you'd have liked since you had your baby.

Before I had my own kids I was pretty clueless about the shock of being a new mum and I think I might well have let boyfriends/ work/ general life chaos have get in the way of offering a friend with a baby the right kind of support. I expect that's what's happened to you - not that they personally reject you or your baby! But just that they are being a bit immature and clueless and swept up in their own stuff.

It doesn't mean they don't care - and honestly as your baby grows you might get very close with them again, especially if you're generous enough to be the kind of friend they need when/if they eventually have their own kids!

I personally made a lot of mum friends by swapping numbers in the park or at toddler groups - if there was a kids my little one played with especially well, or if I had good chats with another mum, then I was always very pushy with swapping numbers and following up with a playdate... Have made lots of good friends that way, including the ones who we spent NYE with this year!

Wish you luck finding a new bunch of good friends. Xx