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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed with a friend who is perpetually late

206 replies

Livelifelaughter · 23/05/2023 20:09

I have a friend who is great, fun, interesting, kind. But she is literally late to everything...if I say meet between 7.00 to 7.30 she will arrive at 8.15 ...Or ask to change the time at 7.25...I can put up with it to an extent if I am in my flat but it's when you're waiting to do something like this evening outdoors and instead of doing it in daylight your going to do it in the dark. She doesn't have reasons other than just not getting her act together. How do I mention this or should I suck it up?

OP posts:
marshmallowmatcha · 23/05/2023 20:10

You're going to have to start saying nah mate I'll just head on without you and you catch up.

marblesnottobefound · 23/05/2023 20:16

YANBU to be annoyed, I HATE IT. One friend of mine almost finds it cute, like it's her quirky character trait to be late. I've said before I find it insulting that she expects me to hang around for her & she said "oh you know what I'm like". Funnily enough we don't see each other much now.

Another friend of mine is totally crippled by time blindness/ADHD/social anxiety & has been really honest about struggles. I take a different view here where I can see she's trying. Blush

Saucemonkey · 23/05/2023 20:18

God it’s so annoying! I swerve people like this. I mean 20 mins is acceptable at a push, but people can take the piss and leave you waiting for them

NumberTheory · 23/05/2023 20:18

marshmallowmatcha · 23/05/2023 20:10

You're going to have to start saying nah mate I'll just head on without you and you catch up.

This.

Stop waiting for her. Don’t arrange to do things where her turning up late will spoil the night.

Alternatively, stop going on time. Tell her you’re running late, and ask her to text you when she gets there and then head out to meet her.

CaroleSinger · 23/05/2023 20:21

I'm afraid so e people just can't get organised. It's in their psyche.

Busbygirl · 23/05/2023 20:28

We have a member of staff at work like this.
She comes in 20 minutes late everyday saying the traffic was awful!
Well if you know the traffic’s awful, leave 20 minutes earlier ffs.
If you mention her lateness she giggles and says, ‘what am I like’
Bloody rude I feel like replying. I lose my sense of humour when people are late.

Billyho · 23/05/2023 20:31

Busbygirl · 23/05/2023 20:28

We have a member of staff at work like this.
She comes in 20 minutes late everyday saying the traffic was awful!
Well if you know the traffic’s awful, leave 20 minutes earlier ffs.
If you mention her lateness she giggles and says, ‘what am I like’
Bloody rude I feel like replying. I lose my sense of humour when people are late.

i would discipline for persistent lateness, suppose all staff did that.

OP, I’d give her no leeway and just leave if she’s not there on time, your time is as previous as hers,

Luredbyapomegranate · 23/05/2023 20:36

You need to tell her it really bothers you, and then say in future I’m going to crack on with X

Or you could try telling her everything is half an hour earlier than it is.

Some people really struggle with this - proper ADHD etc. that doesn’t make it OK, she needs to be called on it, but it is an explanation - it’s probably not that she doesn’t care about you.

Luredbyapomegranate · 23/05/2023 20:37

Busbygirl · 23/05/2023 20:28

We have a member of staff at work like this.
She comes in 20 minutes late everyday saying the traffic was awful!
Well if you know the traffic’s awful, leave 20 minutes earlier ffs.
If you mention her lateness she giggles and says, ‘what am I like’
Bloody rude I feel like replying. I lose my sense of humour when people are late.

That’s really ridiculous if you have a set start time.

Why hasn’t a disciplinary process started?

Sunandstars123 · 23/05/2023 20:39

It could be ADHD or mental disorder, just be kind and add extra time

QuizzlyBears · 23/05/2023 20:39

I am super organised in every area of my life - but I struggle so much with timing. I set my alarm three hours before I need to leave and I set 15 min alarms along the way to keep me on track. I am aware I am time blind and I have strategies to work on it because I don’t want to piss my friends off. She could work on it if she wanted to!

MsMandy · 23/05/2023 20:40

I can't put up with lateness, my ex husband was always late. Except for, you know, stuff like flights, stuff with a set time a zero room for lateness. Does your friend miss all her flights?

JandalsAlways · 23/05/2023 20:41

You should say something, for her own good! My husband is like this and it's annoying and embarrassing and I wish people would call him pit on it (although he's more like 15min)

BallandBoe · 23/05/2023 20:44

My friend is like this. It's rude and selfish.

He kicks off if he has to wait around for other people though.

Billyho · 23/05/2023 20:49

Sunandstars123 · 23/05/2023 20:39

It could be ADHD or mental disorder, just be kind and add extra time

Really?

MsMandy · 23/05/2023 20:51

Sunandstars123 · 23/05/2023 20:39

It could be ADHD or mental disorder, just be kind and add extra time

How would this work in practice. Should OP also be late, or give a false time? Or wait around for 45 mins to an hour?

Qbish · 23/05/2023 20:54

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

EmmaEmerald · 23/05/2023 20:54

In the end, the reasons don't matter

being left alone in the pub or missing the start of a film is just too annoying

Greengold123 · 23/05/2023 20:55

Nope. Had a friend like this and ironically if I was late the very odd time for valid reason she'd be massively arsey.

She just thought her time was more important than mine. So I binned her.

LlynTegid · 23/05/2023 20:55

You should question whether you want to remain friends. I don't accept lateness except on the odd occasion.

Billyho · 23/05/2023 20:57

Sunandstars123 · 23/05/2023 20:39

It could be ADHD or mental disorder, just be kind and add extra time

Or rude, selfish and entitled.

Greenfairydust · 23/05/2023 21:00

I faded a friend out of my life last year because of this. She was constantly late and really disorganised, could never planned anything right, changed arrangements at the last minute...

In the end I had enough. It is disrespectful and annoying.

BodegaSushi · 23/05/2023 21:01

'Be there for 6/6.30' problem solved

😇

BodegaSushi · 23/05/2023 21:03

Also don't give a range. Give a specific time (still an hour before you actually want to meet)

If someone told me between 7-7.30 I'd get there for 7.30. If you're there at 7 you're already setting yourself up if they're running 5/10 mins late

Coffeeforus · 23/05/2023 21:03

I had a friend for years who was always, always late. Never apologised, always had a half-baked excuse. Some of her classics were:

—Agreeing to get to mine on a Friday night for 6pm, and we would be going out for dinner/cinema then she was staying the night (she lived 1.5 hours away). She text repeatedly to say the bus was stuck in traffic until 1.30am when she rang and said she wasn’t coming. From the background noise she was either in a bar or at a party. She never apologised or gave a reason.
—kept me waiting for exactly 2 hours at a tube station, again kept texting to say the bus was slow. She lived a 15 min tube ride away so what she was doing on a bus on a Saturday in london was beyond me (tubes were running fine). Basically she couldn’t be bothered being on time and was doing other more interesting stuff.
-She was coming for lunch for 12.30ish, then living an hour away. By 1.45pm she text to say she wasn’t coming as she had a cold and was still in bed.

For many reasons she is now an ex-friend. Actually a pp mentioned ADHD and after another friend had her DC diagnosed with it I was reading about it online when I came across ‘inattentive ADHD in women.’ My god it was a lightbulb moment for ex-friend, for many reasons other than shocking timekeeping so for rare individuals it may not be as outstandish as we think.