To be annoyed with a friend who is perpetually late

[Livelifelaughter]

I have a friend who is great, fun, interesting, kind. But she is literally late to everything...if I say meet between 7.00 to 7.30 she will arrive at 8.15 ...Or ask to change the time at 7.25...I can put up with it to an extent if I am in my flat but it's when you're waiting to do something like this evening outdoors and instead of doing it in daylight your going to do it in the dark. She doesn't have reasons other than just not getting her act together. How do I mention this or should I suck it up?

This annoys me too. I had a friend like this and I tried telling her a time half an hour later than I planned but she was still always late. There’s no excuse. People who are late every time you meet them have no intention of being on time. It’s really selfish and shows a lack of respect for others.

Agreed

I have time blindness so like a pp I work backwards from arrival time like a scientist and set alarms to ensure I leave on time to meet people on time. To just keep giggling 'what am i like' to my mind means she doesn't respect you or care enough for your time to make the effort. Is she late for work or doctors appts? I'd be clear that she gets a 15 min window from now on or you're off.

It's a no, from me. I couldn't be bothered.

It's rude. Set off earlier.

I really struggle with time keeping. Set loads of alarms and still manage to be late loads including important things - have missed flights. I don't do it on purpose. Really quite like when people tell me an earlier time than others. I'm probably ADHD as fit most of the criteria but never got round to getting tested. I do my best to put things in place to help me organise my life.
It's a massive pain in the arse and would love it not to be an issue.

I'm much better than I was when I was younger cos I try really hard !

I have ADHD and time blindness. But I hold down a professional high time pressured job. I set alarms, have lists, have other people (family) remind me/call me as alarm back ups, and have a 'smart house' set up to be able to set alarms around the house too. I plan back from the time I'm due somewhere and add extra time for procrastination/not being able to find my bag keys etc. It's hard but possible to either not be late at all or be minimally late.

It’s best when they think other people are CF for pointing it out!

I think you've every right to express your annoyance. You've also every right to eg leave without her, go on your own, not invite her etc
I struggle with time keeping. Contrary to what others think, I don't think my time is more important, I do start getting ready early and I do care. In fact its really anxiety provoking because I do care. Today I almost missed a funeral!
I'd say it's unlikely she will change much.

My ex husband would leave the house 45 minutes after the time he was supposed to pick me up. With a half hour drive, that's over an hour late. I won't tolerate it frankly, from anyone nowadays. It's rude and entitled and if someone genuinely can't be bothered/organised enough to be on time, don't bloody agree a time.

Folks don't turn up late too often nowadays (menopausal and give no fucks any more) as I just go if they are 15 min late.

I had a friend turn up to the pub 2 hours (HOURS!) late. She rang to ask where I was, I was already home in my pj's.

Persisitent lateness drives me mad.

Yet I do agree that some people are just 'time blind' and can't seem to help it...
but then DH always says to me 'but would they be 'time blind' if it was an amazing job interview or a flight to the bahamas?!'

And he's right isn't he?

Yanbu, but you're wasting your energy being annoyed. Don't give a time slot, arrange a set time, decide how long you're happy to wait for, and then leave if she's not arrived.

Either tell her an hour earlier start time or get there an hour late and see how she likes it.

I too have a friend like this - I think mostly scattiness but also can be a bit passive aggressive.

I don't know how you solve it except once she remarked I was late! I keep really good time so found it ironic.

I do not know the solution but would like to know!

If you continually let it slide then she’ll assume you are fine with it and it will never change. Tell her that it inconveniences you and is inconsiderate.

I went to Uni with someone like this and literally she valued her time above everyone else. We ended up just starting without her.

Group project meeting, make a start and she would get all the crap jobs.

Pub trip. Get the drinks started and let her be late and miss the fun

Lectures she was always 15 minutes late. Like you know you are always 15 minutes late there's an easy solve here.

Funnily enough we didn't stay in contact after Uni.

I have a friend like this, we've known each other a long time. I have dealt with it to a degree, but not 100% by getting her to name the time. So I don't say, let's meet at 20.00. If she suggests 20.00 I say with much forthrightness, do you mean 21.00, would you prefer to meet at 21.00? we can do that, I don't mind, but don't say 20.00 if you mean 21.00

That worked a little but not 100% because then she had a worse habit, she would run in at 20.10 (so practically on time) but with a story about how terrified of being late she was. So she was late, but I was the bad guy I put up with that for a while and then I told her, Be Early or Be late but don't shame me for asking you to be on time. She is better now, but she thinks I'm a bit unreasonable. I should just wait on my todd and say nothing!!?

Oh please 🙄🤦‍♀️

Also, the whole 'does she have ADHD thing, I think I have that and setting off early for everything and being early is a good way of avoiding the anxiety that comes with running late. I usually get the bus before the one I need to get there on time. I'm usually 20 minutes early to meet people who are a bit late but it saves me the anxiety of getting stressed on the journey.

Show him this video she missed her flight 3 times 😂

Some people are just incredibly scatty and chaotic.

My husband is like this. He overestimates how much time he has. I have adapted to tell him a time half an hour relief than I want him.

My BFF used to be habitually late for everything. And expected us all to accommodate it. To the point where she was really annoyed to find that when I invited a bunch of people over for lunch, I told her to arrive an hour before I told anyone else. She was still the last person to arrive.

What finally stopped it was a few occasions where I either went home, or went and did whatever (theatre, cinema) without her and left her to blag her way in (it was always me booking tickets). The key was, I think, that I was totally unapologetic about it -"So I'm supposed to miss the beginning because you can't get your act together? / I'm supposed to hang around waiting for you but you're cross if I don't?"

Been there, I know exactly how annoying it is

I found I didn't enjoy spending time with her because of it

No. He's right for most people

Wrong for some

I miss lots of flights. Including flights to interviews on one occasion! Better now treated and medicated. But when I hear the oooh you wouldn't miss a flight ...

Really?! Why do you think that? Of course I would