Sneaky mums

157 replies

Catguru · 23/05/2023 20:03

I don’t want to be too outing here so NC. I have a 1 year old DC and met a group of mums at NCT in pregnancy, we got on really well although I always felt like a bit of an odd one out (me and my partner had our DC unplanned, had been together the least amount of time and I am the youngest).

During mat leave we all met up very frequently and had a group chat going which was always very active. I struggled a lot in the early days and had a traumatic birth and found the group of new friends priceless as I had no other mum friends who I could speak to about my worries and anxieties, I really thought I’d hit the jackpot with friends here.

fast forward a year and me and my DC have walked into a cafe and have seen them all sat there laughing and joking…. I approached them and was met with awkwardness, stuttering and just sheer embarrassment. It was clear they had planned behind my back and left me out. When questioning them later it turns out they’ve basically said I moan about my problems too much.

is this really my fault? Have I been unlucky and met a group of horrible women? Is my DC going to loose friends in the future because of me and my ways?

OP posts:

candlesflamesandbrooms · 25/05/2023 16:44

Hazel444 · 25/05/2023 16:13

Obviously everyone's entitled to do whatever they want, but I find it honestly baffling that you can discuss the problem with the group. But not with the person you have an issue with ?

Apart from being an emotional vampire, she said something quite cruel to one of the group and I and another mum did call her out on it but she wasn’t interested - said the offended mum was being over sensitive and doubled down on what she said 🤷🏻‍♀️ Everyone had had enough of her by that point after putting up with her previous comments/behaviour. There was no more to say to her that wouldn’t have just been an unproductive character assassination and I certainly felt it wasn’t my place to do that and had no interest in helping her with self improvement etc. Unfortunately the apple didn’t fall far from the tree and her 7 year old son has got a reputation for being the class bully and other children tend to avoid him.

Tbf arguably you did say something.

You didn't randomly ghost.

Grumpy67i8 · 25/05/2023 17:14

YANBU but neither are they. They didn't set out to hurt you, they are allowed to find you draining and to have their own meet-ups. The fact that you are 10 years younger would mean they have very different lives to you and different concerns, you were friends while you had sth in common but as the baby phase ends, you just don't anymore. You didn't need to confront them either, say hi and move on.

Conkersinautumn · 25/05/2023 17:19

Your looking for a real supportive connection, they just want a superficial chat. You probably need to find friends with more range op

Conkersinautumn · 25/05/2023 17:19

*you're

TheKobayashiMaru · 25/05/2023 19:24

Hi OP,

It has clearly been a very difficult experience for you. What I hope is you will recover, then reflect and look back at this situation and think about what happened.

From what you have said, it sounds like they feel you moan too much but you do not agree. I have no way of knowing if they are being awful or you did read the room wrong. However I find in these situations, time gives you perspective. In a recent situation I realise I could have behaved better. In a 2021 situation, I know I was right.

Give yourself time and revisit when feelings are less 'hot'.

Equalitea · 25/05/2023 19:37

caramac04 · 25/05/2023 13:06

@Catguru you said the other mums said you moaned too much. You need to take it on the chin and accept that you were not the fun company you thought you were. You come across as a bit prickly tbh.

This 100%!

AnOKYearForTheRoses · 25/05/2023 20:06

OP, why do you think they’ve excluded you?

You posted information and when people responded based on what you posted, you backtracked and changed the narrative.

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