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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell pronoun announcing recruiter I don't want the job

430 replies

hursty900 · 23/05/2023 18:43

Had a call with a recruiter today- clearly female name, pic on linked in clearly female & then at start of call she announced 'my pronouns are she/her, may I ask what yours are?'... I mean she was polite, but it just seemed ridiculously performative (I too am clearly female) & has made me question if I want to work for this organisation. I have nothing against trans people etc I just really bristle with all the over the top performative stuff.. Am I just totally out of touch? My current company does not have any kind of stance in this area which I guess is terrible if you are one to name their pronouns..tbh I've got enough shit going on to have to explain my preferred pronouns to everyone I meet!

OP posts:
Norberta · 23/05/2023 20:21

Businesses do this as a way of signifying that they are inclusive for people who may have unexpected pronouns. I wouldn’t take issue with just saying she/her before moving on given how much of a positive benefit it would bring to someone more vulnerable.

SunnyEgg · 23/05/2023 20:21

Clementineorsatsuma · 23/05/2023 20:15

Thereby breaking Employment law in an Employment scenario.

Way to go.

Show quote history

Can you say more. How?

msisfine · 23/05/2023 20:21

@SunnyEgg no one was being forced to do anything, she was asked a question.

MsMandy · 23/05/2023 20:21

@hursty900 , if it was a telephone call between the 2 of you, why did they need pronouns? It will always be me/you in that scenario. Are you required to remember her pronouns, and are they storing this information somewhere? Seems very pointless.

WimpoleHat · 23/05/2023 20:21

Last time I was asked this I said, very casually, “Oh - whatever you’re most comfortable with is fine” and moved very swiftly on to the business at hand before it could easily be challenged!

FraserNow · 23/05/2023 20:22

So if it’s for everyone else’ benefit, why don’t we do an equivalent for people of colour or those with disabilities who represent a far greater % of the population?

CabbagePatchDole · 23/05/2023 20:22

philautia · 23/05/2023 18:57

@fdgdfgdfgdfg this is exactly the point. By going along with it, we are pretending to agree with the collective madness.

The strange thing about “madness” is that the mad think they are sane and that everyone around them is mad. I have no problem whatsoever with the use of personal pronouns. Who’s to know if I am crazy or if you’re the crazy one?

SunnyEgg · 23/05/2023 20:22

msisfine · 23/05/2023 20:21

@SunnyEgg no one was being forced to do anything, she was asked a question.

And it’s fine if women prefer not to declare and say so. It really is up to them.

Original poster
hursty900 · 23/05/2023 20:22

blipblopbloopsy · 23/05/2023 20:19

Here’s the thing though: there are “actual women” (to borrow the Mumsnet term 🙄) who will be misgendered at different points in their life (it’s happened to me a couple of times). Or people with gender neutral names, or people with non-English names, etc. So this isn’t just for the benefit of trans people.

But irrelevant to me as I'm clearly a female.. by name, linked in pic & voice. So why ask? It was performative.

OP posts:
Budikka · 23/05/2023 20:23

msisfine · 23/05/2023 20:19

@Budikka are you fucking serious? Comparing defining pronouns to Nazi Germany?

Specifically to "Heil Hitler", yes. It is the same principle. Crowdthink.

You must know the conversations people have about how totalitarian states start out. Do you never have them or think about them?

DeflatedAgain · 23/05/2023 20:23

@BluebellBlueballs don't worry, I got the joke 😜

Original poster
hursty900 · 23/05/2023 20:24

MsMandy · 23/05/2023 20:21

@hursty900 , if it was a telephone call between the 2 of you, why did they need pronouns? It will always be me/you in that scenario. Are you required to remember her pronouns, and are they storing this information somewhere? Seems very pointless.

Exactly! It was either pointless or sinister. I imagine pointless..

OP posts:
MsMandy · 23/05/2023 20:24

@msisfine , so far its only the HR department who have all worked here for years, nobody else so far has mentioned it or put it on an email that I've seen. It's really not that common everywhere.

msisfine · 23/05/2023 20:24

@sunnyegg that's exactly what I mean. She can say whatever she wants in response to a question.

CheeseAndOnionIsMyFav · 23/05/2023 20:25

Nanny0gg · 23/05/2023 19:47

I quite like ho/hum...

Grin
Travis1 · 23/05/2023 20:25

🤣🤣 sinister. Jesus gotta love the mumsnet hyperbole

RoseslnTheHospital · 23/05/2023 20:25

@msisfine I wonder what type of workplace you work in. It's certainly not anything I ever see in my work life nor in that of my partners workplace nor that of my friends. It's just not a thing in my industry. I see it occasionally on linked in but less so recently.

OP I'd have just replied with a "no thank you" to "may I ask what your pronouns are" and then moved on with the convo.

Somanycats · 23/05/2023 20:25

AnObserverInThisDarkWorld · 23/05/2023 18:47

Idk calling it performative for someone to try and make you comfortable seems kinda transphobic

This sort of shite makes precisely no one feel comfortable. Happy to help.

Kreftla · 23/05/2023 20:26

Dacadactyl · 23/05/2023 19:12

They're forcing you participate in a ridiculous charade that someone might identity as something other than he or her.

Show quote history

But people do?

identifyingasmrblobbytoday · 23/05/2023 20:27

blipblopbloopsy · 23/05/2023 20:14

It’s so funny/weird to me how so many of you are so up in arms about this and yet if someone referred to you as “he” or “they” you’d have a right old strop.

I have a unisex name and am female, and I often get emails starting Dear Mr Xxxxx.

I don't particularly care. Why would that matter to me? I'm well aware that I'm female, I'm not too bothered what Jimmy on helpdesk calls me.

identifyingasmrblobbytoday · 23/05/2023 20:28

msisfine · 23/05/2023 20:15

@BluebellBlueballs I'm pretty sure irony is supposed to be witty. God forbid we do something that costs us nothing whatsoever to make someone else feel more comfortable in the workplace.

Even if it makes us uncomfortable and is something we don't believe in?

I wouldn't be comfortable pledging allegiance to God and the King either, because I'd be lying.

Dacadactyl · 23/05/2023 20:28

Kreftla · 23/05/2023 20:26

But people do?

Show quote history

Well I'm sad for them that they have a mental illness.

Wanderingfree32 · 23/05/2023 20:29

I would reply "she/him/they" just to bloody confuse them. If they queried it I'd tell them I wanted my pronouns to be inclusive.

I fucking hate this when it's very clearly a woman that you're talking to. I mean talk about treating me as though I'm thick or something. And so bloody politically correct. I couldn't work for an organisation where you would be expected to announce it on your email.

ShivWambsgans · 23/05/2023 20:29

Chuffaluffa · 23/05/2023 18:52

You can’t be bothered saying two syllables? Really?

Apparently she has “enough other stuff going on” and it’s too much to add the extra words.

identifyingasmrblobbytoday · 23/05/2023 20:30

Thereby breaking Employment law in an Employment scenario

Eh??