To tell pronoun announcing recruiter I don't want the job

[hursty900]

Had a call with a recruiter today- clearly female name, pic on linked in clearly female & then at start of call she announced 'my pronouns are she/her, may I ask what yours are?'... I mean she was polite, but it just seemed ridiculously performative (I too am clearly female) & has made me question if I want to work for this organisation. I have nothing against trans people etc I just really bristle with all the over the top performative stuff.. Am I just totally out of touch? My current company does not have any kind of stance in this area which I guess is terrible if you are one to name their pronouns..tbh I've got enough shit going on to have to explain my preferred pronouns to everyone I meet!

I'd have said no you may not.

All you have to do is address a person by the way want to be addressed.

People are addressed by name or title, never by pronouns.

I'd just say I'm a woman.

I know , I was responding to the example given of samantha.

If she is called something like Samantha then "what if she was called Sam?" is irrelevant isn't it?

I might add "I'm surprised you can't tell"

@BodgerLovesMashedPotato how would it be helpful though, to know if a Sam was male or female? Why would that change how you interact with them? What would you do differently in a workplace setting if the person you are dealing with is male compared to if they are female?

In the English language you can use "they" to refer to a person whose sex is currently unknown. If you ever meet Sam, you will be able to identify their sex and adjust the pronoun accordingly. And that should be the only difference that knowing their sex makes as to how you interact with them in the workplace.

My pronouns are try/me
Or alternatively use your eyes

If you're going to turn down every job where you don't like the recruiter, you won't get far!

I think your the one being performative here, OP.

We have a person working on our reception who appears as ‘clearly’ female but goes by they/them. So it’s not always as cut and dried as you’d prefer.

So if you're female, you wouldn't mind being called 'him' all day by your colleagues?

But why would you be called 'him' all day by your colleagues if you are a woman, even if you have a unisex name, unless they've never met you? I have never worked with a colleague and been unable to tell what sex they are. Have you? It's pretty rare to even talk to someone over the phone and not be able to tell!

I identify as the most attractive, smartest and well paid person in the company, and I damn well expect that to be affirmed by everyone, thank you.

The thing is pronouns aren't vastly important at an individual level, as we can surely just replace with names, and generally do.

Of course they do, because nothing is more important that preserving men’s rights over women. That’s the bizarre thinking of these patriarchy loving “feminists”.

It's totally fine for anyone to announce their pronouns if they wish to. It is totally not fine to expect anyone to do so who doesn't wish to. It's a belief system that not everyone adheres to. If you adhere to it, then refer to EVERYONE who hasn't specifically announced their pronouns to you as "They/Them" until they personally choose to let you know otherwise. Make sure you keep track of which of the 300 or so people you typically interact with regularly have done this. You may need a note-pad.

For some people, when they use a pronoun they are referring only to a person's sex, not to their gender, and are only using sex-based pronouns because of thousands of years of patriarchy which formed our language, and nothing significant is being dismantled by a performance of pretending otherwise. Female people will still be discriminated against over male people even when they are all non-binary and using they/them pronouns.

Asking someone to declare their pronouns in a job interview is totally inappropriate as it is requiring an immediate declaration of faith in something that it is legally established is not a requirement to believe in. A belief in the scientific facts of biology being more significant than someone's self-declaration is established of being a position that is worthy of respect in a demographic society. A belief in the opposite can also be respected but cannot be a requirement for employment so no job interview should include such an intro.

How would it be if a job application form required "Christian Name" rather than forename, and asked for "date of baptism" (with no opt-out) - for a job that has nothing directly to do with the Christian faith they are just assuming that everyone is a believer? Exactly the same level of inappropriate.

YANBU OP - that company sounds like a shitty place to work.

I think your the one being performative here, OP.

How is the OP being performative?

Give your pronouns as 'devastatingly awesome' and insist that is how you are to be addressed at all times

This with bells on, just a way for people to shut down anyone who doesn't agree

How does using “unexpected pronouns” make someone vulnerable?

I think that's my favourite answer so far. Thanks Midge!

Give your pronouns as 'devastatingly awesome' and insist that is how you are to be addressed at all times.

Argh. Language teacher failing to fight the urge to shout 'Those aren't pronouns! They are an adverb and an adjective!'

Wtf! Why would you need to know their vaccination status 🤔 🤣

Well I’m an actual female, no one has ever got my sex wrong

I regularly receive work emails from someone who has both their pronouns AND Covid vaccination status in their signature.

Awesome. Do they also tell you what colour pants they're wearing, their favourite flavour of jam and which way round they put their loo roll on the holder?

Yanbu. It’s utter rubbish, spouted by people who are very ignorant.

She may have been forced to do it, but I think I’d have told her not to bother!

It's 'You're'
And how am I being performative?
And as for that person you cite who is clearly female but wants to be a 'them' ... well I don't have time for that nonsense either.

Oh, god. 🤷‍♀️