To not let other people feed my FF baby?

[Commentsonpic]

MIL especially is always angling to do it under the guise of being helpful when but not helpful like change a nappy, make a cup of tea or take out rubbish etc.

If I had been able to breastfeed, then it would always be me and I really love doing it.

I opened the thread to say YABU - that is surely the main advantage of feeding a baby from a bottle - the fact it doesn't always have to be you.

However, having read through the thread I now see it's just another "I don't like my MiL thread"

I disagree with most of these responses. You're absolutely right if you were breastfeeding it would be only you feeding and no one would even consider asking if they could feed your baby. If you still want that to be a special thing just for you and your baby then you have every right to say you don't want anyone else to feed them. No one has a right to your baby!!!

I was always a bit funny about people feeding my baby as he had really bad reflux and had to be pace fed so while I did let people feed him they had to do it as we asked/showed them how and no one ever asked me if they could, rather they'd ask if I would like them to so I could sleep/relax/drink tea/eat my food etc. And would always respect if I said no it's OK I'll feed him.

Why are you on a thread that actively seeks people’s opinions on a certain issue if you’re just going to dismiss an opinion you don’t agree with and launch into ad homonym attacks? Just because somebody doesn’t agree with you doesn’t make them lonely, or like another commenter has bizarrely claimed further down, a misogynist.

It also doesn't make them MIL's, I think that was my 'favourite'. 😂

I doubt most have forgot what it's like either, especially since some of them may even have their own small babies.

I exclusively bottle fed and didn’t let anyone else do it for months. Even my husband. As others have mentioned, the health visitor said it’s best to just have 1 primary carer do the feeds when the baby is small

Well in the grandma who, while thrilled with and loving new arrivals, doesn't find the baby period that interesting. But toddlerhood? Seeing the world anew through a small person's eyes? Playing imaginative games, messy crafts etc? Being it on! My eldest granddaughter is three and I can do this stuff all day with her. My MIL was even more besotted and could barely be dragged away from playing with my two at that age to have a thirty second conversation with her son and me! ❤

I've never known a health visitor suggest a willing father be banned from feeding his own baby.

Was your husband not bothered?

I think this is where it often gets confusing because different midwives/health visitors throw out either different advice or a variation of the same advice.

I was advised before I left the hospital that only the parents (dad too, not just me) should feed but not for months, just for the first few weeks.

Like I said earlier, I ignored it anyway but no wonder so many parents just do their own thing.

Yep, this is a you problem, especially in light of the drip feed pertaining to your MIL and you stating you don't like it when your husband feeds your baby.
Stop comparing your MIL to the golden standard of your own parents, as clearly it's not helpful.
PFB syndrome perfectly exemplified.

My breastfeed babies refused bottles... so feeding was down to me.. but nappy changes. Baths.. winding.. cuddles.. id hand over to all and anyone so had 5 mins peace!

@Sandylanes69 I enjoyed wonderful relationships with my grandparents and quite sure my DC will have similar despite not having been fed by their grandparents in their early childhood. I was very close to both my grandmothers, and my parents both had loving relationships with their in laws.

DH and I actually didn't have any grandparents to visit for the first few weeks, they still adore DC.
If wanting to bond with and feed your own baby is selfish then I'm happily selfish and I'd advise other mums to put themselves first, including before the baby's dad in the newborn stage. This doesn't mean they get to opt out later, they need to be looking after the mum to enable her to look after the baby.

As it happens my MIL didn't want to do nappies, therefore has never babysat. We still spend time together and she has her own ways of bonding with DC.

Really confused as to why OP posted on AIBU.

This isn’t an AIBU. OP is totally set in her conviction and isn’t interested in alternative views. She’s angry with her MIL and wants the catharsis of a row but can’t have one in real life, so she’s sought it here instead. Perfectly fair enough but it does mean that pp posting in good faith are wasting their time.

the problem with MN is it normalises and validates extreme behaviour. In the real world I don't know anyone who:

1. Refuses to let anyone feed their baby
2. Has a no visitors for the first week/month/year rule
3. Is in constant battle with their inlaws for petty reasons
4. Acts like and expects to be treated like a princess because she has a baby.
5. Is glued to the baby and refuses to be separated from it.

The lack of critical thought in the lazy Your Baby, Your Rules mantra means that in theory,even the most ridiculous demands are OK because YBYR.

When my oldest was small, any of the points above would be regarded as pointers to PND but now there is scant regard for mum's mental health because of the baby-led advice encourages chaos, lack of sleep and obsessive behavior.

9wk old baby when you're post c-section recovery & these people have stayed with you twice & done nothing to help you? I'm 100% with you! Your baby, your house, your choice who feeds him/her!

It definitely is a bonding, calm time & you need them to take enough milk. I was in exactly the same boat, post c-section, with a baby who point blank refused to breast feed & was quite fussy about who/how/where he bottle fed. In those early days I naively gave in to pressure from family members several times & had to watch an unsettled, hungry baby squirming around, not taking enough formula & gulping too much air, which would then throw off his schedule/sleep/mood etc afterwards.

Eventually I just firmly but politely told people that only his dad or I were feeding him right now & we would go off somewhere quiet if necessary. Some people understood, some were pissy, but I pretty quickly got to the point where I didn't care!

It really bloody annoyed me when people seemed to view feeding the baby as some sort of 'status symbol'. Ridiculous.

Stick to your guns - good luck!!

It really bloody annoyed me when people seemed to view feeding the baby as some sort of 'status symbol'. Ridiculous.

so why all the fuss and the rush to stop others doing it then? I love the way that people who have been parents for weeks or even just days seem to think they are experts in everything

This. Very sad. Hospitals encourage skin to skin contact for both parents but then dads are not allowed to bottle feed their babies.

Exactly. My boys dad loved feeding them. They would curl up in the sofa and lots of snuggling. It was gorgeous. Enjoy those times because however and whoever feeds them now will get the cold shoulder when they are teenagers! It doesn’t matter. A baby’s needs are food and warmth and love. Both parents can be involved.

Why is it sad? Fathers of bf babies don’t curl up on the sofa with them to feed them.

But this baby isn’t breastfed. It is sad to deny a father a bonding opportunity with his own baby when it is an easier option if you are formula feeding and doesn’t involve expressing which isn’t even always possible.

@Commentsonpic - sorry not been through full thread but your baby struggles to latch on a bottle? And breastfeeding didn't work? Has your baby been checked for tongue tie?

Generally FF babies are low priority for having a tongue release as it often doesn't impact feeding quite as much as it does breastfeeding but if your baby is spilling lots of milk out of the sides and struggling to latch to a bottle this may be something to explore.

SIL FF and did every week with skin to skin. Seemed the most sensible to me, for mother and baby. Once she explained no one tried to muscle in.

I don’t think it’s really about the father’s experience but more about the babies. Some couples like to raise their babies as closely as possible to a bf experience as they can even if they have to ff. I think that’s both understandable and a good idea.

Exactly. Why shouldn’t a non breastfed baby get the same benefits?
Also the father was possibly very happy to met this happen! My husband would have been fine with it. He knew the importance of the breastfeeding bond so doubt he would have been bothered if it was a bottle.

Also come on, this baby is nine weeks. She might feel differently by 9 months and that’s ok.

Couples or mothers? Because the attitude from some people on this thread feels like the fathers don't get a say.

If both parents agree, fair enough.