To not let other people feed my FF baby?

[Commentsonpic]

MIL especially is always angling to do it under the guise of being helpful when but not helpful like change a nappy, make a cup of tea or take out rubbish etc.

If I had been able to breastfeed, then it would always be me and I really love doing it.

@MyTruthIsOut , my Gdcs were all EBF at first, and then BF for ages after weaning, and I’m glad to say I’ve always had a lovely, close relationship with them.

Your choice I guess

I'm sure when you're a MIL you'll get pushed aside too. It's a shame they're treated so different to the other set of grandparents in my opinion.
I'm glad my in laws are as involved as they are, would hate to make them feel unwanted for their own grandchildren.
You do you

I’m sorry that you seem to be getting so slated OP! Of course it’s perfectly okay for you to want to feed your newborn baby yourself, to get the hang of feeding before allowing others to help with feeding if and when you’re ready.

And of course it’s okay for you to appreciate some help when IL’s are staying at your home, especially because you have a newborn and especially when you have recently had abdominal surgery. It’s appalling if they don’t understand that staying in your home creates extra work and that helping is the least they can do.

It doesn’t matter if your baby is breast or bottle
fed, it’s still your choice who can feed her. Babies aren’t some little doll or distraction to be passed around.

Please don’t be afraid to ask for the help that you actually want and to set boundaries around visits.

Your feelings are perfectly valid and you’re not being unreasonable. People clearly forget very quickly how tiring it is having a newborn and what help is actually helpful! 🤦‍♀️

Your baby, your choice.

On one hand I think you're well within your rights to decide who does what with your baby. I also don't think it's very nice that you want them to do all the shit jobs like taking out the trash and none of the nice things like feeding the baby. You can't have it both ways and it's up to you to make what you want clear to them, they're not mind readers. And regardless of what's right or wrong, it will be hurtful to be singled out as not being allowed to xyz with the baby, feelings are going to get hurt. Again it's up to you entirely though.

There's some absolute lunatics on this thread 😂 ignore @Commentsonpic . Yes, if you are visiting a woman who had a csection recently, you help out. You make cups of tea, meals, change nappies. We'll you do if you are decent. These pil haven't and not only that, mil gave the OP grief when she couldn't breastfeed. I wouldn't have them back at all OP. Fuck em. Unfortunately OP some posters will have just seen a moment to pounce on what they assume is a vulnerable woman with a tiny baby. They won't even be reading your posts properly. These people are often very lonely and lashing out. Take no notice!

I am beginning to wonder if there aren't a bunch of misogynists waiting to tell women that none of their feelings are valid.The first responses to so many threads recently seem to really attack the OP.

I breastfed through a severe tonguetie. It felt like I was feeding a crocodile and I had to express every hour before and after a feed because pcos meant I didn’t have enough breast tissue & I even hired a breast consultant. My mum, who never even tried breastfeeding, gave me so much judgement for not giving him formula (calling me selfish etc etc) that I never let her feed him the bottles of expressed milk either. Was it petty? Yes. Do I regret it? Hell no.

IMO if family aren’t helpful or understanding they aren’t needed after childbirth. So you do you.

Nailed it. Sadly, they will be women. It's ingrained.

At 9 weeks YANBU no, she's still very new (I do understand your MILs disappointment though). My eldest was FF and I felt physically uncomfortable when anyone else fed her (or took her away from me so I didnt like people changing her nappies either!) for a long time. I will say I suffered horrendously with PPD though so if you feel similar do have a chat with your HV they can help! My 2nd was exclusively breastfed and while I loved the fact that only I could feed her, it definitely started to feel like more of a day to day chore as she got older.

This thread is batshit. No OP, I don't think you're "selfish" for wanting to feed your own baby, and no, I don't agree everyone who wants to is automatically entitled to get a "turn". They're your child, not a toy. You shouldn't feel forced to do anything that makes you uncomfortable.

I sincerely hope that if I'm ever privileged enough to become a grandparent I don't make a daughter or daughter in law feel like this.

I'm totally with you on this one OP. (Although as an expecting mum and not yet a mum my view could well change).

It's yours and your husbands (partners?) baby. They are a person not something to be passed around to please other people. If you want to do the feeds then you do the feeds. If you just want occasional other people feeding then ask for that. Pretty sure your natural and hormonal instincts want to keep your baby close. There are plenty of other ways for your MIL to bond.

@Commentsonpic You are the mother and you get to decide what happens here.

She gets to feed it all of the other times of the day so she’s hardly missing out.

Why should they change nappies and do all of the rubbish bits when it’s not their baby.
Of course they may offer but they do not need to as it’s not their baby.

If OP doesn’t want to let them feed it then that’s her choice but allowing it means she gets to do something else whilst they’re feeding the baby and she still gets to feed it every other time.
Its a win-win.

And are you saying that unless a mother gives every feed, their bonding will be affected?

It probably wasn't you, but someone did.

Clearly there is something primal going onv regards family bonding, or grandparents and aunties wouldn't almost universally enjoy feeding their newish family member.

My own DD is forever offering her baby and the bottle to me. To the point that I feel bad if I don't particularly feel like doing it 😂
Does anyone's MIL want to borrow my grandbaby?

I was advised by my midwife to only have me and my husband ff for the first three months. You do whatever you feel comfortable with OP. You’re allowed to be precious with your own children!

Nope. I agreed. Was only me and her dad that fed her

Mum, is that you? 😂

This thread is batshit. OP if I were you I’d hide it now, enjoy your baby. You are not wrong at all.

It’s your choice but it seems OTT. Surely you still get to do the majority of feeds.

It sounds mean on the surface but when you have a new baby it feels different, so I do get it OP. I exclusively breastfed (both my DC refused bottles) but to be honest it meant I could go upstairs “to feed the baby” which meant I got half an hour break from PIL to cuddle, feed, and have some space with my baby. They were very intense and me being able to escape them to feed meant I could keep a lid on my resentment at how they felt so entitled to my baby.

I no longer feel that way, but in the thick of new baby hormones and sleep deprivation, I needed that exclusive feeding time for my sanity.

Not unless you moved to SouthLondon since I last saw you on Saturday! 😂

I was always glad of a break from the constant feeds. Especially my second child, she cld take an hour just to take a few ounce of milk and then 2 hrs later it started again!

I think it's nice for family members to do a feed too. Gets baby used to them as well.

My baby was premature and tube fed so when we finally took her home they told us to limit who fed her to just me and her dad for a while to promote bonding. Over the next couple of months we naturally let a few people feed her as time went on. I can totally appreciate it in the early days from a bonding perspective but after that I would consider it OTT but I would respect your wishes also.