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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not like being home with my toddlers?

130 replies

Windsweptbeach · 23/05/2023 16:47

I don’t know how reasonable or otherwise this is but I just don’t enjoy it … we go out within a few hours of waking up. Say 9. Then stay out until dinner time (about 5.) Sometimes go home for nap but other times don’t.

We do do things like classes and groups and park visits but equally probably a lot is just finding errands and killing time. Not sure if this is good or not

OP posts:
CeciliaMars · 23/05/2023 16:55

I much prefer being out and about with my toddler, and all my kids when they are off school! Lockdown really panicked me as I was stuck in the house all the time, whereas I've got friends who by choice hang out at home all the time. I think for me, one of the reasons I prefer to be out and about is if I'm at home, all I think about are all the jobs that need doing! I don't think either is the wrong way - just personal preference.

wibblewobbleball · 23/05/2023 16:59

I hate being at home too, I end up feeling I'm just doing the same jobs over and over. You tidy up then it's a mess again, someone wants a snack, the potty needs cleaning etc etc. I like being out for at least half the day.

Mull · 23/05/2023 17:01

Hmm, I think a balance is good. Even as a toddler I think they can benefit from some ‘doing nothing’ time at home, in conjunction with the stimulus of being out and about.

CheezePleeze · 23/05/2023 17:03

I'd say it's great exercise for them unless you're driving them around in a car?

Original poster
Windsweptbeach · 23/05/2023 17:21

We don’t really have anywhere in walking distance but then they do get exercise on the park or wherever.

OP posts:
bookish83 · 23/05/2023 17:35

Mull · 23/05/2023 17:01

Hmm, I think a balance is good. Even as a toddler I think they can benefit from some ‘doing nothing’ time at home, in conjunction with the stimulus of being out and about.

Agree

Vintagecreamandcottagepie · 23/05/2023 17:37

Every minute felt like am hour with toddlers. I feel for you.

You probably suit having older children better and will come into your own over the next year or two. Hang in there.

EmptyBedBlues · 23/05/2023 17:37

Why would you be unreasonable? Being a SAHP suits very few people longterm. Dust off your CV and get yourself back into the workplace!

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 23/05/2023 17:39

When mine were tiny like that I arranged for us to be out a lot of the time. It’s very tiring being home with such small ones I found.

Now I have a teen and a junior aged child it’s much more pleasurable to spend time in the house - plus they don’t like to be out all the time, or in the case of the teen, having their time planned for them!

Original poster
Windsweptbeach · 23/05/2023 17:47

The problem with doing nothing is the house is slowly destroyed.

My toddler has plenty of toys but doesn’t really play with them, his favourite thing to do is empty the toy box by chucking the toys out one by one which creates a complete mess in no time, climb on the sofa and yank the curtains down, throw cat litter everywhere, chase the cats pulling their tails and slapping them, banging doors open and shut over and over again. It’s like any sort of ‘downtime’ equates to complete destruction.

not sure if it’s chicken or egg, have I started spending lots of time outside of the house because he destroys stuff or does he destroy stuff because he doesn’t get downtime.

OP posts:
Mariposista · 23/05/2023 17:56

Agree with you, I'd rather sit on a cactus.
Work, nursery, and then family time at weekends.

SunnySaturdayMorning · 23/05/2023 17:58

YABU. It’s important children have downtimes and are allowed to be bored too. You shouldn't be overstimulating them.

MsChatterbox · 23/05/2023 18:01

I'm the same! I'm also a much better mother out and about. Ask questions, pay attention, happy. At home I'm busy with chores and get annoyed at distractions!

Feckadoodledoo · 23/05/2023 18:02

Why does your toddler terrorise your cat? That's down to you to teach him not to.
I don't get a choice, I'd rather chill at home but mine demands we go out even before 7am....it's a fight every day to remain in the house past 9am!

Feckadoodledoo · 23/05/2023 18:04

It's also down to you to teach him not to do those things and HOW to play. How old is he?

tillyandmilly · 23/05/2023 18:06

Poor cats ! You need to teach him not to pull the poor cats tails or slap them - must reinforce being gentle and gently stroke them! I sympathise though!

Dilemma19 · 23/05/2023 18:07

Your kids behave that badly because they don't spend enough time at home to learn how to behave. I can't imagine being out all day every day. Maybe it's down time that they need, teach them over and over again how to behave.

Original poster
Windsweptbeach · 23/05/2023 18:10

Re the cats I’ve tried , obviously, but he doesn’t listen to a word I say, it just makes no difference at all. Even if I’m firm enough that he cries he just does it again and again. I’ve tried reading about this but it’s all just a firm no and I do that but it’s ignored, or laughed at, I don’t even know any more.

OP posts:
1of2 · 23/05/2023 18:13

MsChatterbox · 23/05/2023 18:01

I'm the same! I'm also a much better mother out and about. Ask questions, pay attention, happy. At home I'm busy with chores and get annoyed at distractions!

omg, me too!! I’m like a different mum when we’re not at home! As soon as I’m back in the door, I’m annoyed at something 😆

kikisparks · 23/05/2023 18:16

I work full time but compressed so have one weekday with DD. We like getting out as well, a typical day we’re up at 6.30, breakfast made and eaten by 7.15, bit of free play til 8.15 then we go up and get dressed etc. We usually go out from 9am-11.30am with snack about 10, back for lunch then nap or, if she’s too tired, nap then late lunch (she usually naps 2 hours).

Say she’s up at 2pm, we do maybe another hour of free play then snack then we go out again 3pm-5pm then dinner is 5.30ish then free play til 7 when we start bedtime routine. It feels manageable with a 2 hour nap to rest in and a 2-2.5 hour evening to chill. I try to do most housework when she’s awake (either while she plays, 6pm-7pm while DH watches her or on my lunch break when WFH) because I really need nap and evening time to decompress but we do struggle to keep on top of housework tbh)

CheezePleeze · 23/05/2023 18:16

Windsweptbeach · 23/05/2023 17:47

The problem with doing nothing is the house is slowly destroyed.

My toddler has plenty of toys but doesn’t really play with them, his favourite thing to do is empty the toy box by chucking the toys out one by one which creates a complete mess in no time, climb on the sofa and yank the curtains down, throw cat litter everywhere, chase the cats pulling their tails and slapping them, banging doors open and shut over and over again. It’s like any sort of ‘downtime’ equates to complete destruction.

not sure if it’s chicken or egg, have I started spending lots of time outside of the house because he destroys stuff or does he destroy stuff because he doesn’t get downtime.

This is quite extreme toddler behaviour.

How old is he?

Original poster
Windsweptbeach · 23/05/2023 18:16

2 and a half.

OP posts:
2bazookas · 23/05/2023 18:23

So when does he get chance to play with his own toys, dress up, do colouring, read a story?

Original poster
Windsweptbeach · 23/05/2023 18:24

He reads stories before bed every night, but as I’ve said he’s not really massively into playing with toys. He may play for a very short period (I mean, a couple of minutes) but then just throws them, or climbes on something, starts throwing shoes around. That sort of thing.

OP posts:
Mummaluma · 23/05/2023 18:28

How old is he? It might be that things will soon get easier.