To not like being home with my toddlers?

[Windsweptbeach]

I don’t know how reasonable or otherwise this is but I just don’t enjoy it … we go out within a few hours of waking up. Say 9. Then stay out until dinner time (about 5.) Sometimes go home for nap but other times don’t.

We do do things like classes and groups and park visits but equally probably a lot is just finding errands and killing time. Not sure if this is good or not

Multiple people are telling you you are doing nothing wrong and it’s a phase/toddlers be toddlers/some are harder than others/just do whatever works for you etc etc…yet you are focussing on the few posters who are telling you otherwise. It’s a shame you posted in AIBU to be honest.

I have my toddler 7 days a week and work three nights. It is so hard being in the house. I dread the holidays when a lot of the play groups aren’t on.

Well, you are telling me I am doing something wrong in my posts …

there isn’t a right or wrong way to MN.

I struggle then too @toomanyleggings

christmas was somewhat traumatic.

Apologies if I have come across as unsupportive. Yes of course toddlers should be out of the house for a good few hours a day when possible. I was trying to address the issues for when you are at home.

I realise that. What you don’t realise though is that ‘training’ makes no difference, my voice makes no difference, removing things makes no difference. Yes, I am defeated and yes I am resigned. Perhaps I am a shit parent, perhaps I have a particularly wilful child, I do not know, and at this stage info not really care either.

YANBU. I have a 2.5 year old and I’d go crazy if we stayed in the house the whole time - you have to do what works for you and your child right now.

I’m no expert but my 2 cents would be only give drinks in a non-spill cup that is hopefully so tightly screwed he won’t be able to get into it.

You said that he enjoys books and will sit briefly to read. Whichever behaviour you want him to learn e.g. not hitting the cat, not throwing toys, how to deal with emotions, go to the library and borrow a toddler book on the subject as reading about other characters/children in similar situations does seem to really help to make things click with toddlers. Just ask the librarian (kids librarian if you can get hold of them) and they’ll have lots of recommendations. Librarians are underrated legends.

Sounds tough but they are learning so farts every day hopefully he will gradually find his chill.

I used to do a playgroup in morning, home for lunch and nap. Then playgroup again in afternoon. Or swimming in morn or afternoon, but depending on their ages you might not be able to take 2 swimming.
I'd have gone mad in the House with them so had to be out.

Thank you, we have tried, he doesn’t respond. He doesn’t understand behaviour in the books is him I don’t think. Plus our local library is a bit crap. But I have tried a few books designed to iron out unwelcome behaviour, it makes no difference.

*fast not farts. What an unfortunate autocorrect 😊

Mine are 9 and 6 now but I found it so hard to be out the house with them when they were small, I found it easier to be at home, we had everything we needed at home and had the garden. When they napped I napped. I found being out the house so stressful with them. I have always been a homebody I love being in the comfort of my own home.

I'm the same. I like to go out in the morning. Come home for naps. Out again in the afternoon for a walk or something. Being home just means I end up doing housework / watch the house get destroyed. I also find them more grumpy for any long periods at home as I think they get bored.

When DP is home at 5 we have dinner and play together until bedtime.

I don't think it's unusual to find it hard being at home with young children on your own x

I'm sorry if I've come across as unsupportive... I've just suggested things from my experience of my toddler (who was also very energetic and described as 'spirited' 🙄) which made things better for us, which is all people can really do.

Ultimately though, if it makes things easier for you, there's nothing particularly "wrong" with being out for most of every day until this stage passes and things become easier. It means your toddler will miss out on spending time doing home stuff, yes, but if he's already at nursery 3 days a week he'll be doing a range of activities there.

When you say "training" though, ultimately you do have to get your child to obey you and that does usually mean saying no or removing them/ the thing over and over again until eventually on what feels like the millionth time it clicks. It's just a boring and soul-destroying part of parenting.

What you don’t realise though is that ‘training’ makes no difference, my voice makes no difference, removing things makes no difference.

Use physical intervention/interaction instead of, or as well as, using your voice. Both in behaviour training and in playing.
He literally can't push toys behind the TV if you are physically stopping him, and taking him by the hand or carrying him to another room/space to sit on your lap and do something else.

I know it is tough. But you can't give up.
It will get better, that is certain.

Also to all the people saying you need to spend more time at home with them. Young children tend to wake up between 6-7am (if you're lucky) so even if you're all out all day from say 9.30am - 4.30pm (which is unlikely) then they're still spending a fair whack of time at home to get their fill of reading, playing and drawing!

Being a sahm must be soul destroying, not for everyone. I went back to work , ,
Mine were 14 months and 1 month old.
Get a pt job, save your sanity.

Thought I'd be an amazing earth mother, actually hated it. Couldn't wait to drop them at daycare.

Wind fwd 13 years they are wonderful company!

I don't think you are being unreasonable at all. Children; especially young children, are hard work. It's monotonous and draining and just bloody hard. You can can be an amazing Mum and still acknowledge that it's not all rainbows and daisies... it doesn't mean that you're any less of a great Mum. Give yourself a break OP x

My twins had just turned two when we went into the first Loxkdown and it was a fucking nightmare with 2 neurodivergent menaces (Twin 1 is Autistic and Twin 2 is AuDHD), as we were so used to being out and about (I've always been an outdoorsy/active person 'til progression of physical health conditions has rendered me somewhat immobile in more recent times).
Do whatever keeps you sane.
Re: the cat? I never allowed either of my DC to terrorise our cats and I'm one person vs 2 potential cat nemeses. Find a way of stopping your child from tormenting that poor bloody animal, or do the decent thing and rehome the cat where it's not going to subjected to mistreatment.

I'm out from morning til evening too. I can't think of anything worse than spending my days in the house with a toddler. It's boring as fuck, not that I don't enjoy her company or anything but the day just drags in and unless I'm busy on the go I feel really lethargic. It's been like this from she was a newborn as some nights I didn't get a winks sleep, none, so I needed to be busy and I got us into a weekly routine.

I love our days out. I feel like time spent with her is a bit more quality and I meet friends too so there's a bit of adult time squeezed in there too when she's napping in the pram.

Being out all day sounds tough. Ours has nursery three mornings a week, combined with the park a lot, but in the week, he’s at home for lunch most days and an hour or so before tea. When I try to take him out all day (unless it’s full day out) it can feel a bit like “beating the streets”

Have you thought of sitting down and playing with them

Your son sounds SO much like mine at 2.5 I found this a really difficult age (not helped by the fact I also had a newborn), and as I’ve said upthread, I found it much easier from a bit after 3 when he started to develop an attention span.

I do remember looking at other children (often girls) at that age who were sitting peacefully and colouring and wondering WTF I was doing wrong as a parent.

He’s nearly 4 now and will sit and colour for an hour, play with play dough for an hour, do puzzles, build train tracks, play with bricks, etc. It just happened naturally over time.

I wish I hadn’t beaten myself up about it. Children develop at different speeds and in different ways. I wish I’d just let myself enjoy him the way he was with activities that suited him (like you’re doing).

I do identify with the first one. I also find often with structured play at the beginning, they then go off and do something more constructive after. We take our toddler out most days, but I would suggest trying to do a few activities at home. I think the behaviour sounds quite extreme. My two are/were (one older) hectic at home, but they don’t pull down curtains and they understand cat litter is dirty! What kind of things do you try to do? I found getting figures to do little silly games engaged them, such as the figure buying something from the shop and then losing it, or a figure hiding from another one. Equally just normal chat or cars having a race or duplo. Mine don’t/didn’t do well at home all day, but a few to a couple of hours work well. I would say with no time at home, it’s difficult to improve behaviour because he doesn’t get any practice. Can you come home with a plan and then perhaps as he starts understanding how you play with a toy, he can gradually increase unstructured play? It might partly be he’s not having toys demonstrated to him to learn how to use them eg. Pretending to make a phone call or race cars or be an doctor. Does he enjoy sensory play? Could that be something that you get out if he’s disengaged from the last game? Toddlers do have short attention spans, so I see 5-10 minutes as quite a good amount of playing a together game time and very good for playing alone but I’d be trying to teach him to play a bit before nursery. Have you got a garden you could play in?

I agree with other posters giving ideas, I didn’t read them as negative posts. I would more or less stay next to him to begin with, he starts to throw something say a firm ‘no’, hold his hand and put it back together. Repeat. Lots of praise he makes the right choice. Put things out of sight if he can’t resist. Play in his room with him if he struggles with space, start small with one toy, don’t give him the alternative of keep going out, battling on with it will mean he eventually realises he needs to find something to do.

You still haven't said how you play with him..... because you don't?