To not like being home with my toddlers?

[Windsweptbeach]

I don’t know how reasonable or otherwise this is but I just don’t enjoy it … we go out within a few hours of waking up. Say 9. Then stay out until dinner time (about 5.) Sometimes go home for nap but other times don’t.

We do do things like classes and groups and park visits but equally probably a lot is just finding errands and killing time. Not sure if this is good or not

your life sounds so much like mine, @ididntknowthat11 . To be fair mine isn’t usually prone to whingeing, definitely has moments but not too bad. It’s more the constant destruction.

rotating toys isn’t helpful, all he wants to do really is throw them about, or bash them against a wall sometimes.

people say it’s beneficial for him to do nothing but it’s not massively beneficial to anyone to have the house torn to shreds. I mean even if this did benefit ds if t doesn’t benefit me!

I find it easier to be out and about too. Just the park, the local woods, etc.

That said, I found it much easier to stay at home from about age 3 onwards - that’s when my older son got into colouring, puzzles, play dough etc. At 2.5 he had such a limited attention span.

well, we aren’t having lunch at the savoy @Circumferences . I don’t want to sound like I’m snapping here, I’m not, but that statement feels like it’s having a dig but I’m genuinely lost as to how. Most expensive activity are swimming lessons, which do cost a fair bit but it’s more about the benefit from learning to swim than just getting out of the house.

We don't spend much many of the days we go out. Many of our days are just at the park, beach, woods.

The only thing we spend on really is food. When we are feeling the pinch, I pack picnic food, alternatively we get a sausage roll from Greggs or soup in a cafe etc.

God sake, always one holier than thou sanctimonious comment!

But it is surely? If not, whose job is it?

Echoing the person who asked how he will learn to play and occupy himself at home if he's never there.

Trying to keep two toddlers occupied outside the home from 9-5 sounds more exhausting to me.

How do they ever get to just 'be'? And how will they learn what home is about? Reading to him at bedtime is not enough. He needs to learn to play, to interact, to be creative etc

If you're concerned that you're not able to manage your son's behaviour (as you've stated) maybe approach your health visitor for ideas? But you can't go on like this, and nor can your kids. The younger one is paying for your eldest's behaviour at this point. Maybe #2 would like to be home and playing, if not now, in the near future.

We walked or got the bus everywhere. Toddler group cost £1 and the park is free. I packed lunches and snacks that are bought from Lidl. How weird to assume everyone is doing expensive activities with their DC.

How many hours a day do your toddlers spend "containered" in buggies and car seats, as opposed to having the chance to move freely?

What opportunities do they get during the day to develop their gross and fine motor skills and cognitive abilities though play? Can you take some toys with you when you go out (e.g. take dinosaurs/cars to the playground with you, encourage them to fill a dumper truck with sticks, things like that)?

Apologies if you already mentioned this, but do they go to nursery at all? Is this a possibility?

Nursery is 3 days a week. We never really use the buggy but there is a fair bit of time in the car seat, generally driving to activities tbf but he naps in it as well.

re asking hv for ideas, I’ve asked on here, not sure they’d give any strategies other than what I’ve seen which focuses mostly on saying no, which he ignores, so … Like I say it is hard to know if I’m out a lot because I have a house destroyer or if I have a house destroyer because I am out so much. I genuinely do not know.

I hated going out when mine were toddlers. The tantrums seemed ten times worse in public, they were always running off, they hated reins/buggy/holding hands/hats/coats, they'd never have a decent nap out and about so once we did get home it was hellish because they were over tired when I was trying to sort tea out.

Buy one pool noodle.
Cut into quarters
Place each quarter at the top of a door.
Repeat on his favourite slam worthy doors.

Mom-1 Toddler Tyrant-Nil

Like I say it is hard to know if I’m out a lot because I have a house destroyer or if I have a house destroyer because I am out so much. I genuinely do not know.

Can you babyproof one room in the house so you can confine the destruction to that space?

A large cardboard box is my go-to when I'm out of ideas - it still works with my 5 year old if it's big enough. Extra points if you can make a tunnel between two cardboard boxes. Keeps DC1 busy for ages and has since he could crawl. Extra extra points if you cut a hole in the 'roof' that they can stick stuff through.

Otherwise just put things in a box and put it in the middle of the room - household stuff like pots, pans, wooden spoons and cushions. Kids like taking stuff out of boxes. No idea why but they do.

This is such a good idea. Going to use it when DC2 is on the move. We had door guards for DC1 but they were always falling off.

It’s hard to babyproof, he’s not a baby but also downstairs is all open plan. Like now we come in from nursery and in no time at all downstairs looks like a tornado hit it, he pulls things down off the dining room table if I leave anything on there, he doesn’t do this much now tbf but used to take all the books off the bookshelf and throw them, cats food, cats litter tray, pours drinks on the floor, it drives me mad!

Agree with this @Windsweptbeach, it will get easier.

I prefer to be outside with my dc too, and we're often out of the house for that long. Finances aren't an issue and we're London based so plenty of different places to visit, including soft play and playgrounds where they can work on muscle groups and skills they couldn't at home. I tend to focus on child friendly places where they can explore rather than errands where they need to be confined - leisure centres, play cafes, children's centres, library, museums, galleries, zoo, tourist attractions, a adventure playgrounds, theatre shows. Don't mind travelling across London so there's enough different options for a new place every day.

At home they have time for free play before and after going out, and when I have to be home to do chores and admin. So plenty of time for the to self occupy. But also loads of exposure to the outside world and stimulation.

Mine is 2yrs 9months and he's recently started to get better at concentrating and playing with toys. He will play magnetic tiles for about 20mins, Lego, Play doh, hide and go seek or hide an object. This has only started in the last 2 or 3 months.
Typically, he is out for a couple or hrs in the morning, home for lunch and a nap then out again in the afternoon. There's no way we could be inside all day!

I used to dread being at home alone with my kids when they were little, I actually had CBT in the end to address the issue and it's the best thing I ever did.

Put the cat's stuff inside a playpen (extra-tall)? That would also provide the cat with a safe space away from him.

Any way of stairgating/using a room divider to fence off the kitchen area?

For the rest, I'd just keep up with the 'no' and remove from the situation.

I'd also start doing 'tidy time' with him before TV time/dinner. I used to sing the cocomelon 'clean up' song with my DC1. They'd help put the toys away and then I'd put the TV on for a bit before bathtime while I tidied the rest of the mess. But no tidying-up, no TV.

Hi OP, sounds like you're a great mum to your little one. I think it's normal for the early toddler stage to be rough and I don't see a problem with being out and about a lot if it helps you manage things. I always found it easier to be out with my baby and toddler and in my book anything that helps mum/dad feel calmer and happier will benefit the child.

Do nursery have any insights into his behaviour?

See this is the thing, these things others suggest, no tidy up no TV, he wouldn’t care, why would he? Likewise with a playpen, he’d climb in it and throw the toys out of it, over the baby gates, slamming them open and shut again! I maybe have a particularly lively one, hard to know.

Yanbu x

Do you know much about play schemas, OP? Your toddler might be very ‘trajectory schema’ focused right now (with the pulling stiff down, throwing stuff etc) and you could look at activities that support that but in a less destructive way. Have a google. Early years play is fascinating in the same way that toddlers can be infuriating!