Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not like being home with my toddlers?

130 replies

Windsweptbeach · 23/05/2023 16:47

I don’t know how reasonable or otherwise this is but I just don’t enjoy it … we go out within a few hours of waking up. Say 9. Then stay out until dinner time (about 5.) Sometimes go home for nap but other times don’t.

We do do things like classes and groups and park visits but equally probably a lot is just finding errands and killing time. Not sure if this is good or not

OP posts:
RosyappleA · 23/05/2023 18:31

I could not relate more to this. Every day me and DD go out in the mornings for some sort of activity or running errands and now since she is 3 she has half an afternoon at nursery and then after that it is more running around in the park etc in the evening.

I remember at that age at least she napped and as she stopped napping at an early age I am now absolutely exhausted by all this.

Following for advice but if I don’t leave the house she is glued to the ipad! I hate this even more than her trashing the house now! I limit it daily to two hours but have to deal with tantrums to achieve this. Agree with comments being a sahm is deffo not good long-term. I adore her but can’t wait until bedtime.

Twattergy · 23/05/2023 18:33

It's why I went to work. Lots of stimulation an exercise for him at nursery. Quality time at weekends. It gets better once they are school age.

ApolloandDaphne · 23/05/2023 18:35

How will he learn to behave in the home when he is rarely there? I think maybe you need a balance of both.

IglesiasPiggl · 23/05/2023 18:40

I think a balance is good for them. Are you perhaps going out to avoid having to do difficult parenting at home? You need to sort out his bad behaviour at home by actually being at home.

Time4achangeagain · 23/05/2023 18:40

OP it sounds like you’re just getting through the day by doing whatever works, which with a toddler is all you can do I think. Your toddler does sound quite full on too! I wouldn’t worry that you’re doing anything wrong. He’ll have changed by 3 and you’ll feel your way to what’s right for the two of you then as well

lifehappens12 · 23/05/2023 18:41

Agree and agree with the poster about the pandemic. I remember crying at Boris's address to the nation about staying home - I had a toddler who loved to be outside and that suited me.

I also used to find I was counting down the hours if we were at home. But out of the house we have fun.

That toddler is now 5 and is so different - will sit and build intricate train tracks or Lego models so now he doesn't want to be outside all the time - however is little 2 year old brother .....

VivaVivaa · 23/05/2023 18:46

DS was like this, not interested at all in toys and took ages to grow out of destroying exploring the house. I wasn’t out quite as long as you are but we were out for the majority of the day. Usually twice, before and after lunch/nap. Toddler group in the morning then park in the afternoon. It didn’t matter how much I played with his toys with him or showed him what to do, he just wasn’t interested. He preferred running round slamming doors, emptying cupboards, climbing things etc. I found being at home with him simulated very stressful and boring

He started improving at 2.5 actually so your luck might turn soon. He still needs time outside the house every day. I still marvel at how people can spend days on end at home with their toddlers. DS would be wild after half a day. But we can now spend a good few hours at home playing with Lego etc if he’s in the mood. If he’s in a funny mood he’ll still be destructive, but thankfully at 3 that’s definitely not the norm now.

Mummaluma · 23/05/2023 18:46

Windsweptbeach · 23/05/2023 18:16

2 and a half.

In the next year to six months, it definitely gets easier as they learn to concentrate a little more, can talk a lot more (which has its drawbacks...) and develop imaginations that allow them to play for longer. Hang on in there.

It's OK not to like a certain age (newbrosn doe nothing for me). The stages are like buses- another one will be along soon!

LilySavage · 23/05/2023 18:50

My DD is 2 years 4 months and she is just the same. We call her the tiny tornado! Solidarity - this too shall pass!

Original poster
Windsweptbeach · 23/05/2023 18:50

The door slamming is awful, I hate it!

I really hope you’re right and it will get easier soon, this phase seems to have lasted forever.

OP posts:
WhatNoRaisins · 23/05/2023 18:51

Agree that you've got more options for activities at home when they get a slightly longer attention span. I had a 2 year old in lockdown and my mental health went to absolute shit being stuck in the house for long periods.

Mummaluma · 23/05/2023 18:52

Look at at this way- you either have terrible twos or terrible threes... at least it'll be put of the way soon! (3yr 8 month old here)

Famzonhol · 23/05/2023 18:52

SunnySaturdayMorning · 23/05/2023 17:58

YABU. It’s important children have downtimes and are allowed to be bored too. You shouldn't be overstimulating them.

I often find that people who say this are defending the fact that they do nothing with their DC because they couldn’t be bothered.

Might be misjudging you but if so you’d be in the minority.

brendasaysrelax · 23/05/2023 18:53

Yanbu it's much easier to be about with little ones. I don't think I could do a full day though. We usually have a walk in the morning, home for a nap and lunch then go out again in the afternoon. After that we're home for the day but by then it's nearly dinner time and soon after that it's bath and bed.

IHateLegDay · 23/05/2023 19:00

I hate being at home! We're ALWAYS out.

Original poster
Windsweptbeach · 23/05/2023 19:01

I really hope so. I stress so much, thinking my parenting is just not very good as he just doesn’t really pay me attention. I know some stuff is normal, but it’s just so exhausting stopping him trashing everything. And the hours drag.

OP posts:
ididntknowthat11 · 23/05/2023 19:04

When I was pregnant I used to think it would be idyllic hanging out at home with babies/ children.

I envisioned lots of crafts, painting, baking, naps on the couch etc, maybe even watching tv while they played.

God, what a wake up call I had. We are out most of every day. I try to go out straight after breakfast and stay out till tea time.

We eat out whenever we can because trying to make food for them is just too challenging. Then they just fling it about the house anyway. Then need to do the clearing up.

Spend 3 mins setting up a craft/activity which they play with for 45 seconds....then 2 mins clearing it away...... x 10

They pull boxes over and scatter things around the house. Piles of washing, boxes of Lego etc, anything. Takes them seconds to do and takes ages to clear up....then they just do it again.

And the cables, Omg the cables. I'm constantly tripping over wires and cables for appliances that they were dragged out from where they are supposed to be. Hair straightners, phone chargers etc.

And the whinging. Omg the whinging. I find it's 100x worse at home.

And if there's more than one, the constant vying for your attention is torture. And you can't win. One of them will feel they got one over on the other and the other will feel hard done by and start that whinging cry.

When out and about I feel there's more to distract them.

In case you can't tell, I hate being at home with them and just get completely overwhelmed.

DisplayOrcha · 23/05/2023 19:10

Famzonhol · 23/05/2023 18:52

I often find that people who say this are defending the fact that they do nothing with their DC because they couldn’t be bothered.

Might be misjudging you but if so you’d be in the minority.

Show quote history

I often find that people who make such judgemental sweeping statements about someone’s parenting based on absolutely bott all are silly little sausages who thrive on being passive aggressive numpties to strangers to make themselves feel better.

Feckadoodledoo · 23/05/2023 19:26

Get those foam door stoppers to put on top corners that'll stop the slamming. I think he's bored and looking for a reaction/ interaction. How do you play with him?

Feckadoodledoo · 23/05/2023 19:28

Rotate toys?

itsabigtree · 23/05/2023 19:31

I much prefer being out. The house is chaos with them at home. Small apartment and we don't really do screens. Outside is great, they're free, and less trouble to be made and less things to break. Try and get them to wake up a bit later and then there's less time to kill 😂

grayhairdontcare · 23/05/2023 19:40

Mine are adults now but I always found it was easier to parent them out of the house

Noicant · 23/05/2023 19:41

Much easier outside, I had DD just before COVID, it was awful. Mine wasn’t much interested in playing until 3 so outside was definitely better. DD was a horror for emptying cupboards so we used to just help her and tell her what things were. Now she just occasionally has a rummage through my make up drawer.

Avondale89 · 23/05/2023 19:49

Famzonhol · 23/05/2023 18:52

I often find that people who say this are defending the fact that they do nothing with their DC because they couldn’t be bothered.

Might be misjudging you but if so you’d be in the minority.

Show quote history

Toddlers and children benefit from doing what you call “nothing”. It’s not beneficial for them to be micromanaged and over stimulated within an inch of their lives all day. Despite what a lot of modern Anglo Saxon parenting guides tell you, they need to learn how to play independently. It’s not the job of the care giver to
provide constant stimulation and activities for the child.

Circumferences · 23/05/2023 19:51

I never had the luxury of going out all day every day because we don't have the money
I presume your husband is very well off and I'm very happy for you.

Swipe left for the next trending thread