To tell new lad this is my room

[Ionlydrinkondaysendinginy]

I know this is ridiculous but its really pissing me off Iv just started seeing someone new and he's been staying over and everything has been going great except I like to sleep with a fan on, the landing light on and the TV or something on my phone for background noise. he hates the fan and tv/phone being on he wants complete darkness and silence and wants to sleep with the window open. Aibu to tell him it's my room so it's tough 💩 how he likes to sleep.

I'm another one that likes dark and quiet to sleep. When staying in hotels I've been known to pile the towels up at the base of the door so the light from the hallway doesn't shine through under the door! I could just about deal with a low level nightlight (not the proper ceiling light) on in the hallway if a guest wanted that but the door would have to be shut. I'm probably too light sensitive but the key thing is to be able to sleep in the same space as your SO if you want to.

Tbh I've only ever known very young children to sleep like that with noise and lights on if they're scared of the dark or prone to sleepwalking.

I couldn't sleep like that.

🤣🤣🤣 love this and it's so true

Happy with the fan on but I cannot stand any light from the tv or another light on in the house while I'm trying to sleep. my partner is a pub baby so he grew up around loud noises and loves to fall asleep to the tv and it gets on my nerves! 🤣 drives me up the wall.

That context only reinforces that sparky replies as to how the op sleeps best, so that she feels safe, are out of order tbh

You're free to sleep how you like but if I was your partner I'd be ending the relationship if you refused to make any compromises.

He can wear a sleep mask to block out the light but IMO you should also offer to wear headphones if you're going to insist on having the TV on when people are trying ti sleep.

We have a nightlight in the hall to stop us (and guests, and the children) tripping over on the way to the loo (maybe this says something about the state of our house).
I would suggest a sleep mask for him (but use a nightlight not the full light on), and noise for you playing through this type of headphones. I like to drop off to an audiobook and DH plays podcasts through his headphones (he just uses regular ones) if he wakes up in the night.

https://www.amazon.co.uk/s?k=wireless+sleeping+headphones&adgrpid=54963737722&hvadid=259064607341&hvdev=c&hvlocphy=1006854&hvnetw=g&hvqmt=e&hvrand=13903853343497170807&hvtargid=kwd-316631720561&hydadcr=5090_1827861&tag=googhydr-21&ref=pd_sl_5ct23d6h8p_e

Nope, I literally cannot sleep if any of the lights are on outside my bedroom, even the ground floor.

Everyone is different there is no right or wrong way, my daughter and my brother both need background noise to fall asleep, I personally like it quiet and dark. Your not abnormal op you like what you like end of.. Im sure your boyfriend can compromise by sleeping with an eye mask etc or in a different room. If you both like each other you will make it work. I'm so sorry that you have been through so much x

OP, in the kindest way. I think you should perhaps take some time for yourself.

It doesn't sound like this relationship is going to work if neither of you is willing to compromise, and you don't really sound into this guy.

You are young. Don't rush things.

You ended your relationship with your boyfriend in February, you got back with your FWB, and then found out you were pregnant, didn't know who the father was, and went through an abortion in March, you got drunk and slept with your friend's ex in April, you went out with your friend's father the same month, you created a thread in the beginning of the month sharing your mental struggles and saying you hated yourself, and later on in the month you are in a new relationship.

I think you should focus on your self and forget about guys for a bit.

I don't know if your children have been introduced to your boyfriends, but if they have, surely it can be detrimental for them too

The you.gov sleep study says 8% with most of those being between 16 and 24. Where is the figure of 42% coming from?

I only introduce anyone to my kids if their staying over and the kids are here and I just say their friends

Having the TV on in the bedroom would stop me from sleeping so the effect is exactly the same.

When they are 5, yes.

If you want to have your bedroom as you like it, you can, but only when you sleep alone. If you invite someone to sleep in it with you, you need to be thinking of their needs as well. If you don't want to, don't have people to sleep over.

Well, no it isn't and to suggest that it is minimises torture.

"I only introduce anyone to my kids if they're staying over and the kids are here, and I just say they're friends"

Sorry, OP. You need better boundaries around your children.

Thanks for all your suggestions but I think the reality of why this is a problem is because I don't actually care about him so am not willing to compromise so it's his choice whether he stays or not or whether he just wants to come round but not actually sleep over.

I don't see an issue with friends staying over.

Goodness why are you with him then?

The point they're making is that it isn't psychologically healthy for children to be in a household where friends stay over in their mothers bed regularly. Especially if they're not well known.

You sound like a complete mess OP. Not surprising given your history but concerning all the same.

He's not a friend though is he, he's a "lad" you're shagging.

It's not exactly a good example for your children.

I mean he is nice to me and I like spending time with him but it's been like just over a week so I'm not that bothered either way

Introducing children to a series of random men who you're been having sex with is not good parenting.