To tell new lad this is my room

[Ionlydrinkondaysendinginy]

I know this is ridiculous but its really pissing me off Iv just started seeing someone new and he's been staying over and everything has been going great except I like to sleep with a fan on, the landing light on and the TV or something on my phone for background noise. he hates the fan and tv/phone being on he wants complete darkness and silence and wants to sleep with the window open. Aibu to tell him it's my room so it's tough 💩 how he likes to sleep.

Not really OP, sorry. It's really bad for your health

We sleep with the landing light on. My husband would prefer not to but it's always been non negotiable for me. I'm sure either of us could make peace with the fan but the TV thing wouldn't work for either of us.

OP you can do what you like in your own bedroom of course, but please bear in mind that if you want a long term relationship you will need to either find someone whose sleeping habits are the same as yours, or compromise.

Depriving someone of sleep using noise and light is actually used as a form of torture in places like Guantanamo Bay.

RE your update, sorry you went through so much OP

Have you tried a white noise machine on a timer (you can get apps for that on your phone) and reducing the light to a lamp, then a nightlight etc until you can do without it?

I wouldn't be able to sleep in the environment you describe

What do you mean by that, exactly?

Because where I'm standing it sounds like you are making a nasty comment and idnlike to be wrong.

I thought it was quite normal to sleep with a landing or hallway light on I thought most people did this

Maybe not most, but a lot of people do. It's not at all unusual. If you look down our road at 3am, at least half the landing lights are shining out. I keep the landing light on, always have, parents always did, most relatives and friends I've stayed with do. Don't let mn tell you you're weird, or have issues. It's a perfectly normal thing to do. I couldn't do with the telly flickering though.

Bless you OP, I think your genuine shock that this isn’t “normal” is hilarious (not in a mocking way, just genuinely cute).

You do you. Reasons (and I’m sorry you went through that) notwithstanding. The mocking comments on this thread are peak MN bullying

You're not being unreasonable as it's your room however prepare to be dumped. I'd definitely finish with somebody if they wanted me to sleep with the light and TV on. I just couldn't do it.

❤❤

You're correct. This poster has clearly read some of OPs previous threads which makes it even sadder they've chosen to try and put down someone who already appears quite vulnerable and has been through a lot.

Op it is something you may need to compromise on if you want to share a bed with this person. Otherwise you may just not be compatible for sharing a bed.

Generally if you like a guest and want them to feel welcome/come back then you make the effort to compromise your way of doing things somewhat for their comfort.

I prefer to sleep listening to something too but if I had invited someone to share my bed then I would be considerate of their needs

This. I need darkness and silence and would only have a window open in a very hot summer.

According to this:

https://www.idealhome.co.uk/news/cost-of-leaving-lights-on-208556

4.7 million UK homes leave at least one light on overnight, out of 28.2 million households that's 16.6 %, so 83.3 % of people sleep in complete darkness.

An aunt of mine has to sleep with some light and music - she's had trauma in her past. Unfortunately noise and light actively stop alot of people from sleeping, so until the TV turns off, your 'lad' is being forced to stay awake. x

I am glad you have found a way to sleep well. I would guess most people with child hood trauma like that would have developed some coping skills that others might think ‘non standard’. You do you.

Off topic but I love the colour of that bedroom 😍

I need a fan on for the noise, otherwise I get woken by the normal creaks you hear overnight. But I absolutely could not deal with the landing light on. My DC has a nightlight in his room.

Sleep is very personal and so whilst I don’t think YABU, I don’t think he is either. So it might be that you have to sleep separately if you want to continue

You are absolutely entitled to sleep how you like. Personally I prefer pitch black and silence and for me such an incompatibility would have been a deal breaker in a relationship. Luckily my dh isn't fussed and sleeps wherever so I get my way. No way I could ever sleep with all that noise and light and your partner may find they aren't able to either. Doesn't mean the relationship is doomed but you might have to considered different sleeping arrangements. Or compromise, e.g. you listen to white noise on headphones and he wears a sleep mask.

Not usually.
People sleep better in complete darkness.

some people

As others have said, and as studies have proved, almost half the population don't.

42% of UK adults sleep with a light on and most of those leave a hallway light on, so it's clearly not that odd.

Who on earth researches this rubbish and comes up with these statistics, is there a source for this?

I sleep 1000 times better with my blackout blind down, shutters closed, bedroom door closed and all lights off. We live down an unlit drive and the only noise at night is usually foxes calling for mates or cats fighting.

It would be like torture to sleep in a lit, noisy bedroom, but if I had always lived in a city maybe I would have acclimatised.

As for the OP, you don't sound either compatible or able to compromise so I would call it a day.

Yes, well there is a lot of context to this posters history!

YANBU to sleep how you like but it does mean that you might find yourself incompatible with a lot of partners who need darkness and quiet to sleep.
So if your new lad can't sleep under those conditions you'll either have to part company or not have sleepovers or he sleeps in a separate room.
If it's important to you to sleep in the same bed as a partner then you'll need to find someone else because that's not going to work with him.

I'm with you @Ionlydrinkondaysendinginy I can't sleep in pitch black silence as my brain turn every little settling noise into an intruder and my imagination will go into overdrive. Luckily for me my partner could sleep on a washing line so we don't have issues.

It doesn't matter though if you are the odd one or not it's your room, you sleep how you want. If he doesn't like it he won't stay and that doesn't have to mean the end of the relationship. You don't have to live together to be together.

Also what sort of masochist sleeps with a window open, bleurgh spider willies everywhere I tell you.

Depriving someone of sleep using noise and light is actually used as a form of torture in places like Guantanamo Bay

Bit of a reach 🙄
In places like that, it's not background noise or a hall light, it's extremely bright, extremely loud and absolutely incessant.

Sleeping in total darkness is not very good sleep hygiene for me personally. There is general advice, and then there is knowing yourself and what's good for you as an individual

I agree. I couldn't sleep with the main bedroom light on, but always have the landing light on so there's enough light to see where I'm going - see around me.
Not enough to notice with eyes shut, but enough that you don't open them to pitch black.